7 weeks Post Op

I am sorry for not updating right before or after surgery, it has been very busy since the trio is back in school and yes I current have a kindergartner (turned 5 yesterday 9/26) and two 1st graders (both 6) and our weeks are jammed back with school, homework and extracurricular activities (I may have over done it for myself).  Before I get into the surgery and weight-loss details here is a look at my crazy weeks for the next several months.

Monday's Addisyn has ballet and Joey has Hip hop/break dancing till 8pm, Tuesday's are our only night free of nothing to do but homework and catch up on house chores.  Wednesday's Addisyn has cheerleading (tumbling) and then private lessons for cheer.  Thursday Addisyn has Cheerleading practice with her team.  Friday's are another free night.  Saturday mornings the boys have soccer from 9-11:45 am.  Then Sunday's are chores and shopping.  By the time we get home from all the stuff it's bed time and then I'm so exhausted that I go to bed, but soon I need to start squeezing gym time in at night.

Ok, so my gastric bypass surgery was on Tuesday, August 9th.  The surgery went great and I did well, I was very, very nervous.  I was cleared to go home by Thursday afternoon.  My recovery went well too, except while I was in the hospital my heart rate kept dropping down in the high 30's when I would fall asleep and thanks to the machine it would wake me up and let me know this all night long and during the day.  I was starting to get scared, but the doctor and nurses didn't seem to concerned.  They knew that one time I had to be on a heart monitor for 24 hours b/c I kept almost passing out and at one point when I was sleeping my HR dropped in the 40's.  Other then that I did everything they asked and was considered a "Model patient."

During surgery they put a JP drain in and you have to keep it in until you go to see the surgeon which was a little over a week after the surgery.  Now, I have a high tolerance of pain and the recovery from the incisions was great (they make five small incisions) but now the tube from the drain was pushing on nerves on my left side and hurt like hell.  I couldn't wait to get the damn drain out.  Once it was finally removed I felt 110% better and was able to walk around more and move more.

Eating, now that has changed dramatically and I don't miss it to much.  The 1st week is liquids and then you move on to the pureed stage for the 2nd week and I personally thought that was the worst stage.  I bought baby food (chicken, sweet potato and that) and it was disgusting.  I followed the meal plans they give you for ideas, almost to the 'T'.  The 3rd week you start soft foods, and that was so much better.  You stay on soft food for the next 3 weeks and last Tuesday was 6 weeks and I got the OK to start adding transition foods.  I am slowly trying to add other foods, but sometimes they just don't go over well and feel like they are stuck in my esophagus (which I'm beginning to think this is my sign that I'm full, since my full feeling is different from before surgery).  7 weeks out and I am slowly starting to get that hunger feeling back, but not much.  If I don't make myself sit down and eat I will forget to eat.  I am trying to get protein shakes out of my meal plan and replace them with foods that contain protein and it's hard, but doable.  I get plenty of water in throughout the day.

I have noticed I do not have much of an appetite anymore and some foods make me sick just thinking about them and yes even foods that I loved before.  They said it will take a while to get my appetite back, but I'm doing fine right now without it, because I don't have any cravings. I do not miss bread or sweets at all, actually the thought makes me sick.  My son had his 5th birthday yesterday and we got a DQ ice cream cake and I didn't even have the need to have a piece.

I have to take it one day at a time and make this work.  I am feeling great and do not regret doing this, except I am still embarrassed about admitting to it and still haven't told many.  I still wish I could have achieved this on my own.  I'm looking forward to feeling good about myself and doing more with my kids.  Joey tells me "mom, you look so different and in a good way."

Here are my stats so far.  I didn't take any measurements, but I know my clothes are fitting nice and comfy now, there were lots that didn't fit me anymore before the surgery, some are getting to big.

Before surgery weight: 305.4

Current weight 263.4.

I cannot wait till I am at 225 lbs it's been about 8-9 years since then if not longer.  I pray I reach the 200 mark and I'll be happy.

That is if for now, I will try hard to update when I can.


Until next time..........................

Jennie

Anxiety is not fun & other things

It's Monday and although I am in the majority that do not like Monday's I have to say I am in the minority of those that like them compared to Tuesdays.  Now, Tuesdays I HATE!  I do not know why but I've never liked them because for me they are always the longest days at work compared to my Mondays which fly by. Well there you have it, that sums up the day so far.

I went for my pre-op appointment with the hospital on Friday and before I even walked into the hospital my anxiety had the worst of me.  I've never thought of it before until that day but I know understand a big part of my problem.  I have anxiety and sometimes it takes over and makes me a horrible person.  My appointment was at 11 am and I left work at 10:20 (plenty of time to get to the hospital) except I got stuck behind old people that just didn't feel like they had the need to get anywhere so they didn't even do the speed limits.  So I took turns here and there trying to get around these "people" and it only got me in other delaying situations.  I was setting myself up and I kept telling myself to calm down and just relax, but it wasn't working.  So as the time is ticking and getting closer to 11 am I am starting to freak and this feeling is overcoming me inside and I'm getting mad, upset and feeling overwhelmed at the same time and yes all because I'm just going to be late for an appointment.  I arrive and rush in and I'm late by 2 whole whopping minutes, but I'm never late for appointments so I find myself apologizing to the check in nurse.   I get called back and they take my blood pressure and I warned her of what my body just went thru and that it will probably be high and it was 153/86 (my normal is 125/66 in that range).  So she says she'll take it again later on in the appointment.  Well I was also scheduled for an appointment on the other side of the hospital at 12 pm so as my first appointment is getting closer to the 12 pm time my anxiety is kicking in again and I'm getting antsy and crazy.  I show up a couple minutes late for that appointment and find myself again apologizing for my tardiness.

Anyways in all that mess I come to find out what I think is my problem and why I react to things the way I do.  I'm a person of schedule and need to follow it, God forbid if someone or something messes up this schedule for I am not a happy person and these feelings of racing heartbeat, high BP and anger take over and for everything in me I cannot overcome this, trust me I've tried.  I get all anxious if someone doesn't follow how I raise my kids or do not have my kids do the one thing I ask that they do.  What my husband doesn't understand is I cannot control this, I try many times to not let things like this bug me, but they do.  If things are not done how I want them I get all worked up and my HB, BP and that all go up.  Another thing he doesn't get is I HATE feeling this way, I HATE it and with him criticizing me for it or calling me names because of it, that hurts, hurts bad.  Noone will ever understand unless they go thru it DAILY.  He things it's just me overreacting and that I need to get over it and shut up and relax already.  TRUST ME I tried exactly what you said and it doesn't work.  Instead of him supporting me and trying to help me get thru it and understand where I'm coming from.  Instead in his eyes I'm one of those grumpy people and never happy and going to grow old like those batty old miserable old people.  NO I am NOT like that and NO I do not want to be like that,so HELP me don't criticize me or put me down for my failure.

Anyways, enough of that.  I am starting week 2 of my pre-op diet and doing OK.  This weekend was hard, truly hard for I wanted to eat everything I saw. I did cheat but not horrible just with a snack here or there, but I cheated so with a week till surgery I need to stay on top of my game and get thru this week.  I'm starting to get nervous about the surgery so much as I had a bad dream about the hospital last night.  I'm more nervous about my kids and leaving them with the husband.  That too makes me very, very anxious and I know it's shouldn't be a problem they'll be with their father, but you don't know my husband.

People need to remember just because things look good on the outside they are not always that good truthfully.  We often tend to put on a smile and go on with the day like nothing is wrong and everything is perfect or good.  Some people hide it better then others and to never judge.  Just saying.

I will update more later in the week after I have my appointment with my surgeon on Thursday.

Until next time...............


Jennie

Surgery Date

I am so sorry I haven't updated as often as I'd like too.  I'd love to say my live has me running crazy because it DOES, but that is only an excuse that makes me feel better, as like dieting and exercising.  So what has been going on?  Addisyn my 6 year old daughter is truly enjoying her competitive cheerleading.  She is on team Cheddar witch is one of the younger teams and she is the oldest, but again she has never done anything like this before so she does need the introduction.  I'm very impressed on how quickly she has picked up though and everything that she is learning in just the month and a half.  They are working on back flips.  She has mastered back walk overs and handstands.  This week they  were practicing handstand into bridges then walk overs.  She loves going to tumbling for extra practice and I have her set up for a private lesson starting next Wednesday 8/6 to help her out.  Her first competition is the first Saturday in November so this will be fun.

The trio have just "finally" finished with TBall last night and it was somewhat sad because this was the twins last year of Tball for they move up to coaches pitch next year :-(  My poor Jake still has two more years of Tball because his birthday falls late in the year (September).

I'm sad

The boys (Joseph 6, Jake 4) have been bugging me to try soccer, so I found a league and signed them up the other day and will start September 1st through end of October.  I may look into signing them up for basketball after that.  I would like to get them into flag football soon.  None of them have mentioned anything about doing Hip Hop again, so I may mention it one more time and see what they say and it also comes down to what night their class would be.  Oh and Addisyn says she doesn't want to do ballet anymore (this would be her 3rd year), I'm still trying to convince her to think about it.  She said she wants to do cheer and gymnastics, UGH!

Anyways that is all on my trio for the Summer, we are slowly getting prepped for the 1st day of school.  The twins will be in 1st grade and Jake will be starting Kindergarten this year (please pray for my little man that he does well).  He is starting at a young age of 4, so he has that going against him.  The school's cut off for turning 5 is September 30th and he will be 5 on the 26th.  So my babies are growing up WAY TO FAST.

So about me and my weightloss or lack of it.  My date for my gastric bypass surgery has officially been scheduled for August 9th.  I am excited to start this new chapter in life and get on with being healthy and living a healthy life style, but I am also scared and ashamed.  Yes, I'm ashamed that I am going down this path and that I failed myself and my followers and my family and friends in trying to accomplish this on my own (like I use to be able to do).  I do not like being a failing and that is exactly what I feel like I am doing by going this route. But something needs to be done so I can live longer and be healthy for my children, so I can teach my kids to stand up and fight against obesity since they all have the odds and the rules of genetics against them.  

Ok, so back on 3/31 when they first weighed me I was 304 (I think) and they said I need to lose 15 lbs before the surgery, well I'll gone up to 314 as of Monday 7/25.  I have tried to diet and stuck to it, but also broke it.  Now here I am with my surgery less then 2 weeks away and I had to start the Pre-op diet Tuesday 7/26 (but I started it Monday instead), As of today I am at 308 so I'm down 6 lbs since Monday.  Yes, I might be able to reach the 15 lbs mark by 8/9 but problem is they think my weight was 304 and are going off of that (I think) so I'm not sure what will happen now.  I go for my Pre-op testing and to a class with the nutritionist tomorrow and I'm sure I'll be weighed and will find out then.  So this Pre-op diet SUCKS!  It consists of 3 protein shakes and there is a list that you can chose from (I drink the Premier Protein ones & chocolate is my fav).  So you can have 3 of those and then a small meal that consists of chicken or protein and veggies and that.  I usually have my shakes for breakfast and lunch and snack and then I have a chicken or tuna salad for dinner and drink lots and lots of water.  I have to follow this diet till the day before surgery which I then have to go to clear liquids only.  

All I want is this: what caused my problem I'm in now! 

Well that is about all right now.  I will "TRY" to update more often especially after my surgery so I can keep track of my progress and let you guys all know of my experience. 

Until next time.............

Jennie

Fat me - needs fixing

I do not understand why I am having such a rough time with wanting to get up and go exercise.  I have put on ALLOT of weight the last few months and I have felt totally disgusted to the point that I truly don't want to go and see anyone or do anything much.  You'd think I eat allot worse for the amount of weight that I put on, but I'm not or I am.  I go between eating well at work and then being bad at home in the evening to being good or just bad all day.  I do not want to do anything but just kick back and relax.  In my head I want to get out there and run or go to the gym, but my body doesn't want to, it hurts from all this excessive weight.  I cannot recall when I lost a pound, I do not go anywhere near a scale unless I go to doctor appointments now.  I want to lose this weight, I want to be active again and comfortable with myself.  I want to be able to pick up dog poop and cut my back grass without getting out of breath.  I want to look good and be healthy for my family and myself.  I just want to feel good.

I'm going to try to get back into the gym in the evening if I can, its just hard because my husband is always out cutting grass and doesn't get home till very late.  Maybe I need to start getting up at 3:30 and heading to the gym (like that'll happen), but it's worth a shot to write it down.  I've gotta start doing something because I look 9 months pregnant, my boobs are FAT, I look horrible in all my clothes and I have resorted to wearing skirts all the time (just like over weight people do).  I need to change and I need to do it now.  I saw myself last Thursday in the window at my daughters Cheerleading practice and OMG I looking like an overweight whale, it was gross, disturbing and disgusting.  I need to put a foot down and say enough is enough and get to work on working off this weight, like TONIGHT!

I just had to vent because I'm getting sick of myself.  I don't even look at myself in the mirrors.  Shaved my legs and my female part last night and OMG, I could barely reach my ankles from they stomach and my boobs getting in the way, now that is absolutely horrible.  I don't even want to go to softball because I'm embarrassed at myself and how I look, I don't even know if I can play 1st base anymore (all the bending and stretching needed to catch the ball) for our first game I DH'd because I was to worried to see what I'd look like on the field.  I hit the ball great, but I cannot run.

Just a quick vent and update and that.  Gotta run, Until next time...............

Quick Hi

I know I haven't posted in a while, but my social life (with kids) has become extremely busy between dance, T-ball, cheerleading and my softball I do not have anymore time to sit down and write.  You would think I have lost some weight, but don't fret I am at my heaviest ever (beside right before giving birth to my singleton, which I do not count).  I have decided to have the weightloss surgery after lots of thought and research.  I cannot lose anything lately no matter what I did and I gave up beer for 4 months and NOTHING.

So over the last month I've been getting ready for surgery, I had to give blood and see a psychologist and then have a sleep study done (the worst experience EVER).  I did not sleep at all.  I have one more weightloss class which is this Thursday 5/5 and then I should be all set to go.  I originally was going to do the gastric bypass, but  I am now leaning towards the sleeve.  It is less invasive and the heal time is easier and you lose the weight gradually over the time (so means less sagging skin).  This was a very hard decision for me because I was so against the surgery and was all for doing it naturally, but it's been a bigger struggle over the last 4 years then I can even imagine and lately no matter what I do I have been putting the weight on not off.  My dignity is gone, my pride is gone, no I am not to happy about my decision but I need to do something because all this extra weight is finally starting to catch up to me.  I qualified for it surgery only because my BMI is over 40 (disgusting) I think it was at 44.  I have been blessed enough to not have any of the weight related issues such as high BP, high cholesterol, Diabetes, etc... and I need to do something NOW before I end up with something.  Except for my sleep study.....

My sleep study, first I showed up to the sleep center at 9 pm and they hooked me all up to the wires (that record your brain waves and muscle movements) and then you have to put on this nasal (almost like the oxygen tube) but it doesn't blow anything and it has this plastic piece that hangs by your mouth and stabs you all night long.  So to start that was very uncomfortable.  Then they put me to bed and they expect you to fall asleep right away.  I didn't feel like I slept at all that night, I tossed all night and was uncomfortable.  First, I was anxious about being away from my trio and upset about that.  Second, how can one sleep knowing that someone is watching you via the camera and listening to every noise you make?  I know I snore and I am very, very self conscious about that even in my own home.  So anytime I fell asleep I'd wake up right after worried.  Anyways, the tech told me the first two hours they will watch and monitor and if at anytime I stop breathing while I sleep (sleep apnea) then he will come in and hook up the CPAP machine and monitor and adjust the air pressure throughout the night.  Well the tech never came in, so that is a good thing, right?  I thought so, that meant I do not have sleep apnea because I didn't stop breathing at all or he would have come in and put the mask on, which he never did.  WRONG, a week later I get a call from said sleep center telling me they have to set up an appointment for me to come get the CPAP auto machine. WHAT? WAIT? WHAT? WHY?  He never came in and put the CPAP machine on me so why am I getting this stupid thing?  Are you telling me I have sleep apnea?  She didn't answer my question and noone has officially told me I do have it.  I'm pissed, but set up the appointment because I know I need this in order to have the surgery.  I go in for the appointment that Monday pissed off and he brings this stupid asinine machine and hook it up to show me how it works.  I will admit I was a bitch to the tech because STILL no one has explained to me their findings and WHY I need this machine? Why when the tech never came in that night and put the CPAP mask on me so that means I didn't stop breathing.  Just snored?!?!? I'm confused, frustrated, pissed.  So he puts the nasal mask on me and OMG I cannot breathe, I feel like I am suffocating and he doesn't even have the air flow on yet.  It felt like all of sudden my nose become overly stuffed up and I was lacking the right amount of air.  Then the worst part he turns on the air flow they recommend and OMG, I freaked I couldn't catch my breath, I couldn't breath and it smelled horrible and my throat was killing me and if I opened my mouth all the air was being pushed thru my throat out my mouth.  I felt like I was suffocating because it is a continuous air flow so you are constantly working against it to try to breathe out and breathe in.  I couldn't do it.  Yes, I told the tech but he said "no you're not, you're fine."  So basically I have not used it, because I am scared of it and I need my sleep, I cannot go a few nights or weeks without sleep trying to adjust to this stupid thing, I have a job and three little kids that I need to be alert for.  I understand the whole it's better then what can happen (death) but my thought if it's my time then it's my time.  I do not wake up coughing, gasping for air like I use to when I smoked.  I think this is just the companies way of getting money and they just tell you that you have it because you snore.   Anyways, I've been taking my allergy medicine and using a nasal strip at night to help with my stuffy nose I always get at night and it has helped and I'm not snoring as much when I use the strips.

Anyways that is my sleep study story, it was horrible and I was a walking zombie the next day at work.  Not anything I would recommend for anyone.

I will update more when I get another chance.  Sorry for the quick and not very thought out post.

Until next time..

Decisions

I am trying to figure out what is the best way to start today's post.  I couldn't even come up with a title for it.  Well see where my mind takes me as I start typing.

I have been doing lots of thinking and I have a major decision to make in the next week or so, it is a decision that will change my life and for the better, but it is going against my dignity and my way of thinking, but if seems like the easiest thing for me to do right not because I am desperate.  I have an appointment on Thursday 3/31 @ 12:45 with a gastric bypass surgeon to go over my options.   Yes, my husband has talked me into it or at least going to see the doctor about it.  I have tried so much over the years and I have spent so much money on weight loss pills, foods, programs that I am frustrated and waving the white flag.  I will go on these diets and loose some but then gain it all right back.  I have not been able to get under 250 lbs in probably 6 years.  Yes, I do understand this is a life changing event and that I DO have to change my eating habits just as I would if I just continues dieting and I do not that you can gain it all back just as quick.  It would be a  jump start and then I could continue going to the gym and change my whole eating routine and I would have a more positive approach to it because I will be already losing lots of weight.  As of right now I have over 100 lbs that I need to lose.  Yes I am embarrassed about this, but only because I really wanted to be able to say "look at me, I busted my ass at the gym and diet" and I look great, but if I do go this route then I won't be able to say that, I would be able to say I am more active and busting my ass at the gym to maintain and help work the weight off.  I more then likely will not go around telling everyone what I'm doing because I am ashamed of myself, but I know lots of people will be asking "How I did it" and I will have to tell them instead of lying. Shoot we don't even know if I will qualify even though I am 100+ overweight.

Ok, before I called and made this decision I downloaded and started reading the book How to Lose 100 Pounds and I have to say it is a very motivation book.  Monday morning I got up feeling great and ready to start this (Sunday night I found out Softball starts April 24th, ) I weighed in at a whopping 297.4 and I started the day with a positive attitude and ate healthy and went to the gym and did the treadmill for 60 mins burning 623 calories and going 3.73 miles and I felt awesome.  Woke up Tuesday morning weighing 292.4 (5 lbs of water weight lost) that was awesome I must be doing something right.  then I got the call right after lunch and I was going to continue doing what I was doing but DH told me I should stop going to the gym because if I have the surgery, I have to prove to them I can lose 10 lbs and if I'm going strong now I might have a tough time losing the 10 lbs depending on where I'm at.  So I followed his advice and skipped the gym until next Thursday and honestly it's killing me.  I got up this morning weighing in at 296.7.  Ugh, I don't know what to do.  

Now there is the extra skin I'm so worried about after all this weight loss (surgery or not) will I be able to have surgery to have it removed, will insurance cover it?  I'm so worried about the skin issue in my abs, arms and legs.  I KNOW it will happen, I just know.  Would I be able to hide it? Ever wear tank tops again or be stuck in non-sleeveless the rest of my life, I'm aware of the benefits of losing the weight far out weigh my flapping skin, but it is worrying.  

Another note, I finally broke down and called a foot doctor and I have an appointment this Friday at 3pm.  I'm pretty sure most if it is weight related, but we'll see.  My left foot I have been dealing with stabbing pain in my heel mostly after sitting for awhile, but sometimes the pain will just shoot through when I'm laying there.  This has been going on for longer then I can remember, just getting worse.  My right foot I injured about 2 years (it was so bad that when I woke up I couldn't walk or anything I sore I broke it) but the ER said no break and just put a shoe on it and sent me on my way.  Well ever since then my shoes do not fit right and I have to now buy wide shoes just to fit my right foot.  Recently any shoes that I wear hurt and are tight on that foot (like it's swelling) and then pain, I have pain in my feet mostly my right after walking or running when only when I wear tennis shoes.  So I am going to have it checked out.  

That's about it my friends, I will updated after my appointments and hopefully we'll have answers for everything.  

Until next time.....................

Jennie

Spring is here

So I've noticed that my last post was just about a month ago.  I run into problems of having time to sit down and type.  I keep meaning to come on and update, but then I get caught up in my twins homework or just life itself.  We are about a month away from my life starting to go hire-wire and running everywhere with the trio.  The twins recital is 3rd weekend in May and then dance will be over till September, but then bring on T-ball and gymnastics and soccer which all start in mid April. Then weekends away at the camper start up end of next month.  I do not think I will be playing co-ed softball this season because none of my teams have said anything about having a team this year.  I know my Friday night team said probably not but I haven't heard from my Sunday night team, but I think the guy who organizes is is working on moving out of State so who knows, or maybe they are not asking me to come back cuz of my weight.  

Anyways, I have been doing good I had 3 weeks straight of gym time and going 4 to 5 days a week.  My cardio consists of the treadmill (I want to get myself back into running again) and I started the first 2 weeks with 5 mins walking at 3.5 and then 2 minutes running at 4.4 then 2 mins walking 3.5 and go back and forth on the 2 mins thing until I reach 40 mins then I walk the last 5 mins.  Unless it is just a cardio day then I go longer and do 60 mins.  In week 3 I have worked myself up to 5 min runs and 2 min walks.  This week (week 4) I have done absolutely horrible and I haven't been to the gym since last Wednesday (3/2) and I will honestly say I miss it and feel absolutely horrible about skipping and honestly I do not have any reasonable excuses of why I have besides laziness and the weather has been great.  I cannot go tonight or tomorrow because of Hip Hop and Chris's dart league and tomorrow there is ballet and the gym closed Friday's at 9 pm, but I am going to go on Saturday and Sunday and then get my butt back into training again.  I'm not going to let a week off ruin what I've accomplished in the last 3 weeks.  Summer is seriously right around the corner and it would be nice to be lighter and more comfortable with myself this Summer.  I also am doing weights while at the gym.  

I did finally force myself on the scale Tuesday and am surprised I am down 2 lbs from last week.  I only say this because I was a bottomless pit this weekend and couldn't stop eating everything and just never seemed satisfied.  

I am proud to say I have not had a beer since 12/31/15 and the reason I stopped drinking them is because I hate the bloated feeling and I've noticed that it was severally effecting my weight loss and I when I did drink I was drinking to much of it.  I have to admit that it is really nice waking up on the weekends with no hangovers.  I do though enjoy a glass of wine here and there.  Another positive note is my husband hasn't had a drink since the week of my birthday (end of January) after his horrible episode for a week straight.  I will just tell you sleeping pills and alcohol are addicting and can ruin lots of things (families especially).  November thru January are bad months for me and then the last week in January was truly something that I NEVER want to live thru again, it was hard and yes very scary and stressful, but I pulled thru as a MOM and took care of my children.  My work was effected and this year was the worst birthday I have ever, ever had in 41 years.  That week is something that I will never be able to forget and will never be able to get back, it has scarred me and my children.  Something he needs to work out to gain his daughters trust back after 3 months of hell.  Yes, I do live every day in fear that it will happen again.  I know I should go see someone to talk about it with, but it's hard.  OK, enough of that.  

That's about all folks and I will update again soon.......

Until then TRAIN hard!