Decisions

I am trying to figure out what is the best way to start today's post.  I couldn't even come up with a title for it.  Well see where my mind takes me as I start typing.

I have been doing lots of thinking and I have a major decision to make in the next week or so, it is a decision that will change my life and for the better, but it is going against my dignity and my way of thinking, but if seems like the easiest thing for me to do right not because I am desperate.  I have an appointment on Thursday 3/31 @ 12:45 with a gastric bypass surgeon to go over my options.   Yes, my husband has talked me into it or at least going to see the doctor about it.  I have tried so much over the years and I have spent so much money on weight loss pills, foods, programs that I am frustrated and waving the white flag.  I will go on these diets and loose some but then gain it all right back.  I have not been able to get under 250 lbs in probably 6 years.  Yes, I do understand this is a life changing event and that I DO have to change my eating habits just as I would if I just continues dieting and I do not that you can gain it all back just as quick.  It would be a  jump start and then I could continue going to the gym and change my whole eating routine and I would have a more positive approach to it because I will be already losing lots of weight.  As of right now I have over 100 lbs that I need to lose.  Yes I am embarrassed about this, but only because I really wanted to be able to say "look at me, I busted my ass at the gym and diet" and I look great, but if I do go this route then I won't be able to say that, I would be able to say I am more active and busting my ass at the gym to maintain and help work the weight off.  I more then likely will not go around telling everyone what I'm doing because I am ashamed of myself, but I know lots of people will be asking "How I did it" and I will have to tell them instead of lying. Shoot we don't even know if I will qualify even though I am 100+ overweight.

Ok, before I called and made this decision I downloaded and started reading the book How to Lose 100 Pounds and I have to say it is a very motivation book.  Monday morning I got up feeling great and ready to start this (Sunday night I found out Softball starts April 24th, ) I weighed in at a whopping 297.4 and I started the day with a positive attitude and ate healthy and went to the gym and did the treadmill for 60 mins burning 623 calories and going 3.73 miles and I felt awesome.  Woke up Tuesday morning weighing 292.4 (5 lbs of water weight lost) that was awesome I must be doing something right.  then I got the call right after lunch and I was going to continue doing what I was doing but DH told me I should stop going to the gym because if I have the surgery, I have to prove to them I can lose 10 lbs and if I'm going strong now I might have a tough time losing the 10 lbs depending on where I'm at.  So I followed his advice and skipped the gym until next Thursday and honestly it's killing me.  I got up this morning weighing in at 296.7.  Ugh, I don't know what to do.  

Now there is the extra skin I'm so worried about after all this weight loss (surgery or not) will I be able to have surgery to have it removed, will insurance cover it?  I'm so worried about the skin issue in my abs, arms and legs.  I KNOW it will happen, I just know.  Would I be able to hide it? Ever wear tank tops again or be stuck in non-sleeveless the rest of my life, I'm aware of the benefits of losing the weight far out weigh my flapping skin, but it is worrying.  

Another note, I finally broke down and called a foot doctor and I have an appointment this Friday at 3pm.  I'm pretty sure most if it is weight related, but we'll see.  My left foot I have been dealing with stabbing pain in my heel mostly after sitting for awhile, but sometimes the pain will just shoot through when I'm laying there.  This has been going on for longer then I can remember, just getting worse.  My right foot I injured about 2 years (it was so bad that when I woke up I couldn't walk or anything I sore I broke it) but the ER said no break and just put a shoe on it and sent me on my way.  Well ever since then my shoes do not fit right and I have to now buy wide shoes just to fit my right foot.  Recently any shoes that I wear hurt and are tight on that foot (like it's swelling) and then pain, I have pain in my feet mostly my right after walking or running when only when I wear tennis shoes.  So I am going to have it checked out.  

That's about it my friends, I will updated after my appointments and hopefully we'll have answers for everything.  

Until next time.....................

Jennie

Spring is here

So I've noticed that my last post was just about a month ago.  I run into problems of having time to sit down and type.  I keep meaning to come on and update, but then I get caught up in my twins homework or just life itself.  We are about a month away from my life starting to go hire-wire and running everywhere with the trio.  The twins recital is 3rd weekend in May and then dance will be over till September, but then bring on T-ball and gymnastics and soccer which all start in mid April. Then weekends away at the camper start up end of next month.  I do not think I will be playing co-ed softball this season because none of my teams have said anything about having a team this year.  I know my Friday night team said probably not but I haven't heard from my Sunday night team, but I think the guy who organizes is is working on moving out of State so who knows, or maybe they are not asking me to come back cuz of my weight.  

Anyways, I have been doing good I had 3 weeks straight of gym time and going 4 to 5 days a week.  My cardio consists of the treadmill (I want to get myself back into running again) and I started the first 2 weeks with 5 mins walking at 3.5 and then 2 minutes running at 4.4 then 2 mins walking 3.5 and go back and forth on the 2 mins thing until I reach 40 mins then I walk the last 5 mins.  Unless it is just a cardio day then I go longer and do 60 mins.  In week 3 I have worked myself up to 5 min runs and 2 min walks.  This week (week 4) I have done absolutely horrible and I haven't been to the gym since last Wednesday (3/2) and I will honestly say I miss it and feel absolutely horrible about skipping and honestly I do not have any reasonable excuses of why I have besides laziness and the weather has been great.  I cannot go tonight or tomorrow because of Hip Hop and Chris's dart league and tomorrow there is ballet and the gym closed Friday's at 9 pm, but I am going to go on Saturday and Sunday and then get my butt back into training again.  I'm not going to let a week off ruin what I've accomplished in the last 3 weeks.  Summer is seriously right around the corner and it would be nice to be lighter and more comfortable with myself this Summer.  I also am doing weights while at the gym.  

I did finally force myself on the scale Tuesday and am surprised I am down 2 lbs from last week.  I only say this because I was a bottomless pit this weekend and couldn't stop eating everything and just never seemed satisfied.  

I am proud to say I have not had a beer since 12/31/15 and the reason I stopped drinking them is because I hate the bloated feeling and I've noticed that it was severally effecting my weight loss and I when I did drink I was drinking to much of it.  I have to admit that it is really nice waking up on the weekends with no hangovers.  I do though enjoy a glass of wine here and there.  Another positive note is my husband hasn't had a drink since the week of my birthday (end of January) after his horrible episode for a week straight.  I will just tell you sleeping pills and alcohol are addicting and can ruin lots of things (families especially).  November thru January are bad months for me and then the last week in January was truly something that I NEVER want to live thru again, it was hard and yes very scary and stressful, but I pulled thru as a MOM and took care of my children.  My work was effected and this year was the worst birthday I have ever, ever had in 41 years.  That week is something that I will never be able to forget and will never be able to get back, it has scarred me and my children.  Something he needs to work out to gain his daughters trust back after 3 months of hell.  Yes, I do live every day in fear that it will happen again.  I know I should go see someone to talk about it with, but it's hard.  OK, enough of that.  

That's about all folks and I will update again soon.......

Until then TRAIN hard!