Winter Blues

Wow, I have to say that the winter blues have officially hit me, and hit me harder than I can ever remember.  I had a little breakdown on Sunday with my husband.  I told him I'm just feel so blah and bored in life.  I feel like my every day is a routine from the moment I wake up this the moment I go to sleep.  I literally do the same things every single day with dealing with my kids to what I do at work everyday.  I am bored and I need a change, not sure what time of change, but something better happen very, very soon.  I am still waiting for that change to come 2 days later and will let you know when it comes.

As for weight loss it is more like weight gain for me.  I have no idea what is wrong with me but I have been severally shoving food in my mouth like I am hungry and sadly I am not.  I know that because of this I have put some poundage one and wouldn't doubt if it is about 20 extra pounds since I last posted.  I wouldn't know for sure though because I have not stepped foot onto the scale since my last weigh in.  How do I know I gained weight then you ask.... well I feel it and see it in my clothing fitting me tighter.  My belly has grown to an abnormal size (for me at least) and it literally looks like I'm probably 8 months pregnant.  I am probably as big if not bigger then I was when I had Jake.  I wouldn't be surprised if I was back up to 300 lbs right now.

I have started snoring because of this extra weight and yes even when I sleep on my sides I snore (I can only sleep on my sides since my back surgeries).  I haven't been sleeping well since I realized I have been snoring and I actually wake myself up from it.  I don't sleep well because I am so afraid I am bothering my husband and after the more horrible life event that I lived through with him a few weeks ago that is the last thing I want to do, is keep him up, so I've been in a very light sleep so I can catch myself snoring and try to change it.  I am trying to change this and wish I could have an over night change but I know it didn't happen over night (even though the weight gain was withing a short period of time).  I have also realized that I have only 70 days left before softball starts and if I do not loose 50 lbs before then I will not play this year, because I am way to big right now.

Anyways I went back to the gym last night and it felt good, but my belly still feels way to huge and I have lots of work to do.  I realized how seriously FAT I am when I was doing leg presses and my stomach was in my way and making me not get them done correctly.  Then because of my stomach I didn't even bother trying to lay on my stomach and do hamstring workouts.

I am going back to the gym tonight no matter how tired I feel right now.  We lost electricity about 2:45 am last night due to the winter storm and it came back on about 5:30 am and for some reason I was awake most of that time.

Anyways, this was a fast post gotta get a report done before I leave work today, will try to do more updating about what has been going on in my life tomorrow.

Until next time...........................

Stay ACTIVE

Jennie

Ordering Fresh from a Market

Yesterday I started searching about places that would deliver fresh food from farms directly to my house.  I am trying to figure out if price is worth it or not and would it be a waste or would I actually cook and use the stuff before it goes bad?  I have run across a couple that I've considered and compared.  Here is the information I've gathered. Oh they all have free shipping!

1) Hello Fresh

I received a flyer for 3 free meals for them and that is what peaked my interest.  They have three types of boxes to choose from.  They will send you the number of meals that you choose each week and they are always different, they will not repeat the same meal within that year.  They send you everything portioned (spices, and that) for that specific meal and all you have to do is cook it, everything else is prepared.  

Classic Box (for Omnivores) they have four to five meals for 2 people ($69 a week) or three meals for 4 people ($129.00 a week).

Veggie Food Box (for Herbivores) three meals for 2 people ($59 a week) and three meals for 4 people ($109 a week.

Family Box (for families) three meals for 4 people ($105 a week) or two meals for 4 people ($79.95 a week).

2) Blue Apron

This one had two different boxes.  They have the same concept as the one above they will send you recipes/meals for the week and you just cook them.  They support farmers and list all of their suppers so you can read up on where the food is coming from.  OH and a plus is they also have wine delivery.  

2 Person Plan (seasonally-inspired meals for two) this is three meals for $59.94 a week.

Family Plan ( family-style meals for four) two meals at $69.92 a week or four meals for $139.84 a week.

3) Metabolic Meals

Now this is a bit different.  I think this may be a weight loss type business.  But they drew in my curiosity and make me want to research it more (which I'm still in the process of).  They offer Breakfast, lunches and dinners. I'm not sure though if this is a frozen type meal thing ( kinda like the frozen dinners you get at the grocery stores) like I said I'm still looking into this one.  I do like that you can choose your portion sizes based on if you are trying to lose weight or maintain.  You can skip a week and change your plans and or preferences or you can cancel anytime.  You also can choose snacks too.

Chef's Choice (they pick) They pick your meals based on what you tell them is your goal or what you don't like or do like. Some of your goals they pick for are like fuel for weight loss or increase performance.  They offer meals for 5 or 7 days and you choose if you want all 3 meals for the day or if you only want one or two.  For all three meals for 5 days it is $167.95 a week.  If you do just 2 meals a day (lunch & dinner) it is $132.90 a week.  One meal a day for 5 days is $122.95 a week.

My Choice (you pick) This one looks like you can only get breakfast and dinner meals.  You select what meals you want for the week and when you do you have pick what you want (fit portion or performance portion) and as you add then it will start totaling up.  This looks to be a tad more expensive then if you go with the Chef's choice.

So this is what I spent some time on yesterday.  I'm not sure if I really want to go with ordering meals or if I was looking into just ordering from a local farm all my vegetables and fruits and such.  My company does refer a company called Blue Sky Green Fields  which delivers to my work every Wednesday and there is not set amount on what you order or if you have to order that week and you only have to order what you are interested in or what you want.  I am going to take closer look at this because it might be more what I'm looking for.  Maybe I can even get a discount, who knows.

Now for my meals yesterday (Wednesday)

Breakfast:

I was bad, very bad and had a Hostess apple pie and a valentine cake thing.

Lunch: 

Deli Croissant, ham, turkey, salami, lettuce, tomato & cheese
1/2 cup of broccoli salad

Dinner:

Zucchini noodles with chicken breast and Parmesan cheese.  I took a picture of it.

I got 55 minutes on the treadmill last night and ran for 25 of those minutes and if felt great.  I am still catching up on Making a Murder, I'm half way thru episode 5. 

I then enjoyed two glasses of wine after the kids went to bed.  

Now here is my menu for today (Thursday).

Breakfast:

Oatmeal w/ almond butter, jelly & syrup

2 scrambled eggs

2 big cups of coffee

Lunch: 

Left overs from last night- zucchini noodles with corn (added was was left from what the kids didn't eat last night) and chicken. with Parmesan cheese. 

Dinner: 

will have to update later, not sure because Thursdays are crazy because we have to rush out the door to my sons Hip Hop class so I feed them quickly.  I am going to try to be good though. I do have some zucchini noodles left.  

My plan is to get on the treadmill when we get home but it is bath night so I might have to get on after the kids go to sleep so later then usual.  I am however going to walk 2 miles on the treadmill at work on my lunch today.  

OK this was a long one.  I gotta run, so until next time..... Stay skinny :-) 

Jennie

Tuesday Menu

Hi, this is going to be quick.  I just wanted to add my meals that I've had already today.

Breakfast:

Oatmeal with almond milk, jelly preserves, peanut better, syrup, almond butter
2 banana's

Lunch:

romaine lettuce with shredded Mexican cheese, cucumber & 1/2 avocado.

Instant lunch chicken flavored soup - this was my last one in the box.

Edited:

Dinner

I did not have anything ready so I made spaghetti and had a small serving.  I have to say a couple hours later I was starving.  I did not work out because I had way to much stress going on.

I was also able to sneak over to my works gym and got 2 miles in on the treadmill.  I will be trying to do 30-45 minutes or more tonight.  I am going to try to add running back into it again.

That is all and I will update tomorrow what I end up with for dinner.  I forgot to take out chicken so we'll see what I end up with.  I do have to use my zucchini up so I might spiralize them and make a pasta dish with them and the other half of my avocado.

Until next time......


Jennie

Stress = failures

I have been under allot of stress over the past several months plus, maybe pushing a year.  Well at least this past year has been worse then others.  Trust me I do understand that stress is a bad factor when trying to loose weight.  I am and have tried to do things to help alleviate it from my life, but it's just that some things it is not as easy as just turning your head or moving on.  It's much, much harder than that.

I do have to say that I have not had one beer since 12/31/15 and I honestly thought it would help to get rid of this gut, but it still hasn't moved.  I know it is part of the problem, but I thought I would see results by now.  I will admit that I like not feeling really bloated and that and I definitely don't miss feeling like crap in the morning.  Now I haven't given up alcohol completely for I have enjoyed a glass of wine here or there.

This is probably what I truly look like (Beer + babies +junk = fat)

I have been walking on the treadmill at lunch time for about 2 miles and I was doing good the first week with walking on the treadmill for an hour every night,but I already fell off the wagon last week.  I will try to get on the treadmill tonight and watch #MakingAMurder. Yes this is my go to show to help make the hour go by faster.  I'm just hoping that when I get home I don't loose my cool and my family didn't do anything that is going to make me stress out.  

I've changed my eating habits for the past several weeks, but I AM STILL NOT SEEING RESULTS and I'm starting to get really, really frustrated.  I am getting really close to stepping it up into high gear, but I'm afraid I'll over do it and I have to seriously allocate time for "me."  

Here is what my meals for today look like and it is pretty much the same all week (at least breakfast). I have pre-made some overnight oatmeal for the week and I put it in 8 oz mason jars.  

Breakfast:

1/2 cup steel cut oatmeal

1/2 almond milk

1tbsp jelly preserve 

1 tbsp almond butter

1/2 tbsp syrup

- I put the oatmeal and milk in that mason jars on Sunday night and then in the morning I pull out one jar and mix in the above added items and when I get to work I warm it up for about a minute.  You have to be very careful because it over flows if heated to much.  

Lunch:

2 cups Romaine lettuce

1/4 cup cucumber

1/3 cup chicken breast

3 tbsp shredded Mexican cheese

4 tbsp dressing

1/2 hard boiled egg

black olives (didn't measure, but probably less then 1/3 cup)

1/3 cup red onion

And here is my bad part of lunch: 

Instant lunch - Chicken flavor soup.  

Dinner: 

1 Cup of gourmet Mac and Cheese shells. 

Snack:

1.5 Cup of salted caramel ice cream with chocolate chips on top. - I had a craving

No I did not work out, by the time I finished everything last night it was 8:30 and I was exhausted and went to bed at 9 pm.  

(Updated) I am not sure what is for dinner yet, I did not take anything out and I am not sure what DH will make.  I will let you know when I find out.  I am stepping up my level and I am just praying for the motivation to go along with it.  

Oh I made these No Bake Energy Bites and they are very Delicious that I have to admit I feel like I am eating something completely for bidden on the diet menu.  Now it isn't one of the healthiest but it is relatively healthy for the most part.  

My next bar to make is this Granola Bars  this is more on the healthier side.  I will let you know how they taste once I make them. 

Well gotta run, until next time stay healthy my friends and hopefully everyone is a pound lighter. 

~Jennie

Motivation Needed

Wow, I have been meaning to sign in and update my blog for sometime now but with the holidays and that it went by to fast and now I realize that my last update was about a month and a half ago.  I failed, yet again and I apologize for it.

On the weightloss side of things it just is not happening, in fact I've gained weight (AGAIN) in the last month and a half.  I know what I weighed 2 weeks ago but with Christmas passing and that I know it's gotta be worse.  I will not step on a scale again until Friday, January 1, 2016 and I will then record how much I have gained :-( I have vowed to myself and for my kids sake that on that day I am kicking my workouts and diets up a few gears.  I'm sick of looking at myself and I'm sick of feeling this way.  I am pushing up on the weight when I was 9 months pregnant with my last 4 years ago and that is just flat out disgusting.  I'm 40 years old and with a few months of dieting and that and not losing much I have realized that with age this weightloss is definitely much harder then it was years ago when I was in my mid 20's, but I also had the help of an ex-boyfriend then and he encouraged my to my weightloss of 65 lbs and made me become the gym rat I was and I never felt better.  I want that again, I want that feeling of health, happiness and energy.  I DO understand that since it has been almost 10-15 years ago that I won't feel completely like that but to be close enough would be my goal.

I will wake up in the mornings not worrying what for clothing still fit me, and I will be able to put on an outfit and feel comfortable and look good in it.  I will stop shopping in the Plus size departments and be able to afford cute clothing again.  I will no longer make up excuses as to why I didn't or can't workout.  After a few comments I've received from family and seeing myself in pictures and knowing that all my clothing in my closet I only fit into a select few items these past few months, I am determined that as of January 1st I am changing my life.  There will be no more beer (until I reach my goal) I will allow myself an occasional glass of wine, but no more beer.  I will eat healthy so I can set a perfect example for my children.  I will get up and run/walk on the treadmill every morning and then try to squeeze the gym (for weights) in when I can.  This is the only thing that will change me is me setting my mind to it.  I can do this, and I will.  I have been having trouble bending over without my big ole "Fupa" getting in the way and I'm sick of looking at it.

All I'm asking is for motivation from anyone, just a message or daily text or whatever to make sure I am on track and that I did workout and if I didn't then motivation to get me moving.  I am limited on times to get to the gym due to children and work, but there is time so bare with me.  I know I do better when I have people checking up on me because I do not want to disappoint so I want to look forward to the check up so I can message back "yep, I did it I ran and did weights and here is my meals for today" instead of dreading a message because I don't want to have to tell you that I was lazy and didn't do anything.

I am sick of all these aches and pains much of them associated with my weight, but some associated with prior injuries but can be managed if I was in shape and smaller.  I have been snoring and I know it's related to my weight because I can feel the pressure of my fat roll up to my throat when I lay on my back.

Anyways, who's with me???  Don't be afraid, motivation from friends and family or even strangers is the key to success.  Sometimes you just can't do things alone.

OK, that is all for now.  Much has happened in the last month and a half but I will go over another time for I am limited on time right now.

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.  I will check in on Friday, January 1st which is the start of my "New" 2016 the new me, the healthy and happy ) at least fitness ways) me!!!

Thank you and until next time....

Checking In - MIA!

Hello, I would like to apologize for being MIA, falling off the face of the earth or whatever you want to call it.  It hasn't been good weightloss wise.

I have failed no one but myself these past several months, I cannot point fingers or make excuses because there are none.  I am back up in weight, in the past 2 months I have gained 15 lbs, yes I have put 15 lbs back on and I am so totally disgusted with myself it's depressing (276.2).  I have no pants that fit m anymore except for my PJ bottoms and sweats and yes that is what I wear.  On Halloween I actually just thru on an old robe and told people I'm going as a house wife only so I can wear my PJ's and not be looked at funny.

So, I quit going to Physicians Weightloss Clinic about 2 months ago and because for a few months I was limited to what I could eat I started indulging in foods that were taken away from me on that diet and it got out of hand. I stopped going to the Clinic because it was getting to be to much with sneaking out for an hour at work to go get weighed in 3 times a week and then meals were getting crazy and I fell off the wagon and hit the ground HARD.

I sit here waiting for my wake up call (like I got when I lost a bunch of weight before, it was a picture).  I am waiting for something that just totally disgusts me and changes my view on life.  You'd think it was the way my clothes feel or how I don't want to be in any pictures with my kids (Hence why we have no family photos) and yes I know I will regret it later in life, but right now I don't care.  I already regret having no family photos of us when the kids were younger.  For instance the twins were told to bring in a "family" picture to school so they can hang it up for the year and I didn't have one, not one of all 5 of us together. So I had to give them a picture of just them.  That hurt me and still does.  I have made it my goal to get family pictures this Spring and it will be up to me if I want to be smaller or a whale.  Either or the pictures WILL be taken with all 5 of us.

Recently we went to a wedding for my cousin and OMG, the photo's of me are disgusting, I am HUGE and don't tell me otherwise because we all know the truth.  Here are a couple pictures of me from 10/24 and yes see how gross I am.  I am the one in black pants and a blue shirt.

Just pathetic and it seems that I just don't care anymore, which is wrong I do care I don't want to get diabetes, high blood pressure, or whatever else comes with obesity.  I currently am blessed enough to not have any of that, but it won't be long before that changes if I don't do any major changes myself.  

I am lacking serious motivation.  I come home and after taking care of the kids I just want to sit on the couch and to absolutely nothing.  I want to start running again and I did a few times last week and did great, but the motivation is lost again.  I walk with a co-worker for 2 miles at lunch time but then fail when food is presented.  I seem to be hungry ALL the time and I don't know why.  I need someone to truly push me, someone to help me with my food choices.  I want to set a healthy life style for my kids and in order to do that I have to become healthy myself.  I want my kids to be active and enjoy doing things active and enjoy eating healthy and making healthy choices.  My this is my motivation, maybe it is in them, but I just haven't seen it or put blinders on.  That is it, I have to do this for my children.  I am 40 years old and this weight is only going to get worse with age and all the fun things that comes with being a woman.  So if I want to be healthy in 5 years from now I need to make major changes starting right NOW not tomorrow not next week, but right NOW.  I need to do this for children but most importantly myself. Whenever I lack motivation I will look at my children. 

The other day I downloaded this app on my Galaxy phone called Fooducate because I've heard good things from it.  I am still in the learning/adapting phase of it, but so far I like it. It is set to tell me if the things I am eating are paleo and if it is not it will give me alternatives for a better healthier choice.  It also grades the food you are about to consume or buy based on preservatives and added stuff that is not good for you. Like I said I have just started and adjusting to it, so I will let you know how it is going next time I update.  #fooducate.

Oh and on a great note I am 5 months quit, meaning I have not touched a smoke in 5 months.  I can officially say I am smoke free and I hope to remain this way for the rest of my life.  I have had so many positive benefits from it and I feel great, now to just get this weight under control too. 

Also, this Friday marks a very, very sad day for me (11/20) it will be exactly a year from when my father passed away unexpectedly.  I will remember that day like it just happened, but I am so happy that I took the time out on my lunch break that day to go over to my parents and see them, and on my way home from work I called them and talked to them on the phone, because only an hour after that call I got another call from my mom telling me EMS is taking dad to the hospital because he collapsed and is unresponsive.  I didn't know what to do, I was so numb.  My husband had just left to take Joey to Urgicare because he was puking and saying he was having a hard time breathing.  I couldn't find anyone to come over to watch the other two so I could go to the hospital.  Thankfully my husband ended up just leaving urgicare and coming home so I could go (Joe ended up being better).   I cried the whole way to the hospital and my brother was on his way too from work.  I called my sisters and my very close friends crying because I was so worried.  I walked into the Emergency room and went to the counter and right after I gave them my dad's name I knew, I knew by their expression that it was bad, very, very bad.  My cousin Shannon (she's a nurse there) met me at the door and I knew cuz I saw my brother father-in-law and when she took me to a room instead of where my father was I knew it was over and then saw my mom in the room crying and shaking her heard and I just started balling.  Trying to call my husband and sisters to tell them.  Then my bother arrived and it was hard.  Then my husband found a babysitter and came up to support us and then we got to go see my dad.  I picture him laying on the bed lifeless.  Ugh, worst day of my life by far.  All happened only one week from Thanksgiving so yes that holiday sucked.  They said they did everything they could for him and they believe it was a heart attack that did it. I personally think he was gone before they arrived.  My mom had to perform CPR on him until EMS got there.  For those of you that were blessed to ever get to know my dad you know what I wonderful and great man he was.  I was "Daddy's little girl" I loved him more then everything.  

Here are two pictures of my dad and I.  

Until next time....... 

Summer's ending & school's starting... Camping season is almost done.

Okay, okay so I have been bad lately with keeping my blog up-to-date.  It has been almost a month since I last updated.  Ugh, what have I been doing.

This picture is right on... Face palm!  I will say allot has been going on and no my life has not slowed down yet (I'm still waiting for the slow period).  Camping season is coming to an end we probably have about a month and a half left before burring it for the season.  I do have to say I'm sorta looking forward to spending weekends at home and not drinking 4 days in a row (because we all know that is not helping my weight).  

Labor Day was just this past Monday and I took Thursday 9/3 till Tuesday 9/8 off and spent the first two days cleaning and getting all packed for our camping trip to Clay's Park Resort, pretty awesome place and so much for the kids to do and they love it there.  Here a a couple of pictures of the Lake. 

Yes that is my son Jake in the left of the picture

Here are some more from this weekend of the kids and one of I. 

Someone made a giant Slip N Slide for the kids

 This is my daughter Addisyn & my baby Jake (left)

 Here are the twins Joseph & Addisyn (left)

 And me being bad with that evil Bud Light in my hand.

So this was the 4 days in a row of drinking and drinking heavily.  Plus add on that I didn't eat well either.  Shake my head.  We left Monday morning as soon as we woke up and packed up.  On Sunday I woke up with the start of a sinus cold, sneeze, stuffy head & scratchy throat and by the time I got home on Monday I had a major sinus headache and runny/stuffy nose, throat hurt and fevers.  I am feeling a bit better just dealing with a chest cough but my sinus have cleared up somewhat just still congested.  That's about all for the weekend.  I do have to say this coming weekend nothing is planed except my daughters dance class starts Friday night and then I have my cousins bridal shower on Sunday (shit I have to buy a gift, ugh).  

My twins have officially started Kindergarten.  Their first day was on September 1st and they say they like it so far.  They have gym class twice a week and computer class and art class. They look so grown up.  

First day of school Class of 2028

 In their gym uniforms

Then my baby Jake started Pre-K and this is his first time without having the twins there with him and he did much better than I expected and he is enjoying it, just last night at dinner he told me he liked that he didn't have to fight with them, LOL.  

First day

Now for my weightloss, well as you can see in the picture of myself above I have been bad and need to stop drinking those Bud Lights if I expect to lose.  I down as of this morning, but I should be down much more if I ate the way I was supposed to over the weekend and if I didn't drink.  I say this all the time but I never follow it, but I need to stop playing and I need to stop this yo yo stuff and get serious about my goals.  I paid Physicians Weightloss Center to help me and they are but it's me that keeps slacking on the weekends.  They put me on a very low calorie diet (400 calories a day) and every 4 days I go up 100 calories and right now I'm on the mainstay which is 700 calories. Which worked awesome in the beginning until I hit these damn weekends.  That is why I said I am down from last Friday when I weighed in buy maybe by only a pound or 2 and I technically should be down at least 5-8 lbs by tomorrow.  I have not gone to weigh in this week because I am embarrassed with letting myself down yet again.  I usually weigh in Monday, Wednesdays & Fridays, but because they were closed for the holiday on Monday they said if I come in on Tuesday I will get a free week added to my contract, but when I saw the scale Tuesday morning and because I was sick I decided to skip and then Wednesday I was still embarrassed about the weight, so I will go tomorrow and see what happens, yes I do feel bad about skipping and I'll feel bad going in tomorrow and feel like I'll have to make excuses for myself when in reality its me, not them, not the food, not my family, friends, work it is no ones fault except for myself and I am also the only one that has to stop and get serious and determined if I want to keep this weightloss moving.  I have till November when my contract is up and I can be down at least 50 lbs if I stick to it.  I should be down 70-80 lbs if I stayed strong the whole time I've been doing this.  I have to stay strong and fight temptation.  Shoot I've been smoke free for 86 days now and I fought that so I can do this.  

My company has a gym on site for employees and family.  One of my co-workers and I were talking today and her and I are going to hold each other accountable and start going over there at lunch time starting Monday 9/14 and I plan on just walking on the treadmill for 45-50 mins (because I will not have time to shower so I do not want to get all sweaty like I usually do when I run or lift weights, plus I still plan on going to my gym in the evening after the kids are in bed, but I will feel better getting some form of exercise in at lunch instead of just sitting at the lunch table for an hour talking.  Also if my DH has darts one night or something else comes up (Addisyn's dance class) and I cannot get to the gym then I'll feel better knowing that at least I did 45-50 mins of exercise during the day.  I know that I will more then likely do this because I have someone counting on me being there with them and this person I have to face all day long if I don't.  Well see how it goes starting next week.  

Well I've typed allot more then I planned on and I gotta run.  Until next time (which hopefully is sooner than a month from now)... Take care. 

Oh and I will have an updated on this new Heart Rate Monitor and Key finder that I have been trying out for a place called Beets Blu.