Decisions

I am trying to figure out what is the best way to start today's post.  I couldn't even come up with a title for it.  Well see where my mind takes me as I start typing.

I have been doing lots of thinking and I have a major decision to make in the next week or so, it is a decision that will change my life and for the better, but it is going against my dignity and my way of thinking, but if seems like the easiest thing for me to do right not because I am desperate.  I have an appointment on Thursday 3/31 @ 12:45 with a gastric bypass surgeon to go over my options.   Yes, my husband has talked me into it or at least going to see the doctor about it.  I have tried so much over the years and I have spent so much money on weight loss pills, foods, programs that I am frustrated and waving the white flag.  I will go on these diets and loose some but then gain it all right back.  I have not been able to get under 250 lbs in probably 6 years.  Yes, I do understand this is a life changing event and that I DO have to change my eating habits just as I would if I just continues dieting and I do not that you can gain it all back just as quick.  It would be a  jump start and then I could continue going to the gym and change my whole eating routine and I would have a more positive approach to it because I will be already losing lots of weight.  As of right now I have over 100 lbs that I need to lose.  Yes I am embarrassed about this, but only because I really wanted to be able to say "look at me, I busted my ass at the gym and diet" and I look great, but if I do go this route then I won't be able to say that, I would be able to say I am more active and busting my ass at the gym to maintain and help work the weight off.  I more then likely will not go around telling everyone what I'm doing because I am ashamed of myself, but I know lots of people will be asking "How I did it" and I will have to tell them instead of lying. Shoot we don't even know if I will qualify even though I am 100+ overweight.

Ok, before I called and made this decision I downloaded and started reading the book How to Lose 100 Pounds and I have to say it is a very motivation book.  Monday morning I got up feeling great and ready to start this (Sunday night I found out Softball starts April 24th, ) I weighed in at a whopping 297.4 and I started the day with a positive attitude and ate healthy and went to the gym and did the treadmill for 60 mins burning 623 calories and going 3.73 miles and I felt awesome.  Woke up Tuesday morning weighing 292.4 (5 lbs of water weight lost) that was awesome I must be doing something right.  then I got the call right after lunch and I was going to continue doing what I was doing but DH told me I should stop going to the gym because if I have the surgery, I have to prove to them I can lose 10 lbs and if I'm going strong now I might have a tough time losing the 10 lbs depending on where I'm at.  So I followed his advice and skipped the gym until next Thursday and honestly it's killing me.  I got up this morning weighing in at 296.7.  Ugh, I don't know what to do.  

Now there is the extra skin I'm so worried about after all this weight loss (surgery or not) will I be able to have surgery to have it removed, will insurance cover it?  I'm so worried about the skin issue in my abs, arms and legs.  I KNOW it will happen, I just know.  Would I be able to hide it? Ever wear tank tops again or be stuck in non-sleeveless the rest of my life, I'm aware of the benefits of losing the weight far out weigh my flapping skin, but it is worrying.  

Another note, I finally broke down and called a foot doctor and I have an appointment this Friday at 3pm.  I'm pretty sure most if it is weight related, but we'll see.  My left foot I have been dealing with stabbing pain in my heel mostly after sitting for awhile, but sometimes the pain will just shoot through when I'm laying there.  This has been going on for longer then I can remember, just getting worse.  My right foot I injured about 2 years (it was so bad that when I woke up I couldn't walk or anything I sore I broke it) but the ER said no break and just put a shoe on it and sent me on my way.  Well ever since then my shoes do not fit right and I have to now buy wide shoes just to fit my right foot.  Recently any shoes that I wear hurt and are tight on that foot (like it's swelling) and then pain, I have pain in my feet mostly my right after walking or running when only when I wear tennis shoes.  So I am going to have it checked out.  

That's about it my friends, I will updated after my appointments and hopefully we'll have answers for everything.  

Until next time.....................

Jennie

Spring is here

So I've noticed that my last post was just about a month ago.  I run into problems of having time to sit down and type.  I keep meaning to come on and update, but then I get caught up in my twins homework or just life itself.  We are about a month away from my life starting to go hire-wire and running everywhere with the trio.  The twins recital is 3rd weekend in May and then dance will be over till September, but then bring on T-ball and gymnastics and soccer which all start in mid April. Then weekends away at the camper start up end of next month.  I do not think I will be playing co-ed softball this season because none of my teams have said anything about having a team this year.  I know my Friday night team said probably not but I haven't heard from my Sunday night team, but I think the guy who organizes is is working on moving out of State so who knows, or maybe they are not asking me to come back cuz of my weight.  

Anyways, I have been doing good I had 3 weeks straight of gym time and going 4 to 5 days a week.  My cardio consists of the treadmill (I want to get myself back into running again) and I started the first 2 weeks with 5 mins walking at 3.5 and then 2 minutes running at 4.4 then 2 mins walking 3.5 and go back and forth on the 2 mins thing until I reach 40 mins then I walk the last 5 mins.  Unless it is just a cardio day then I go longer and do 60 mins.  In week 3 I have worked myself up to 5 min runs and 2 min walks.  This week (week 4) I have done absolutely horrible and I haven't been to the gym since last Wednesday (3/2) and I will honestly say I miss it and feel absolutely horrible about skipping and honestly I do not have any reasonable excuses of why I have besides laziness and the weather has been great.  I cannot go tonight or tomorrow because of Hip Hop and Chris's dart league and tomorrow there is ballet and the gym closed Friday's at 9 pm, but I am going to go on Saturday and Sunday and then get my butt back into training again.  I'm not going to let a week off ruin what I've accomplished in the last 3 weeks.  Summer is seriously right around the corner and it would be nice to be lighter and more comfortable with myself this Summer.  I also am doing weights while at the gym.  

I did finally force myself on the scale Tuesday and am surprised I am down 2 lbs from last week.  I only say this because I was a bottomless pit this weekend and couldn't stop eating everything and just never seemed satisfied.  

I am proud to say I have not had a beer since 12/31/15 and the reason I stopped drinking them is because I hate the bloated feeling and I've noticed that it was severally effecting my weight loss and I when I did drink I was drinking to much of it.  I have to admit that it is really nice waking up on the weekends with no hangovers.  I do though enjoy a glass of wine here and there.  Another positive note is my husband hasn't had a drink since the week of my birthday (end of January) after his horrible episode for a week straight.  I will just tell you sleeping pills and alcohol are addicting and can ruin lots of things (families especially).  November thru January are bad months for me and then the last week in January was truly something that I NEVER want to live thru again, it was hard and yes very scary and stressful, but I pulled thru as a MOM and took care of my children.  My work was effected and this year was the worst birthday I have ever, ever had in 41 years.  That week is something that I will never be able to forget and will never be able to get back, it has scarred me and my children.  Something he needs to work out to gain his daughters trust back after 3 months of hell.  Yes, I do live every day in fear that it will happen again.  I know I should go see someone to talk about it with, but it's hard.  OK, enough of that.  

That's about all folks and I will update again soon.......

Until then TRAIN hard!    

Winter Blues

Wow, I have to say that the winter blues have officially hit me, and hit me harder than I can ever remember.  I had a little breakdown on Sunday with my husband.  I told him I'm just feel so blah and bored in life.  I feel like my every day is a routine from the moment I wake up this the moment I go to sleep.  I literally do the same things every single day with dealing with my kids to what I do at work everyday.  I am bored and I need a change, not sure what time of change, but something better happen very, very soon.  I am still waiting for that change to come 2 days later and will let you know when it comes.

As for weight loss it is more like weight gain for me.  I have no idea what is wrong with me but I have been severally shoving food in my mouth like I am hungry and sadly I am not.  I know that because of this I have put some poundage one and wouldn't doubt if it is about 20 extra pounds since I last posted.  I wouldn't know for sure though because I have not stepped foot onto the scale since my last weigh in.  How do I know I gained weight then you ask.... well I feel it and see it in my clothing fitting me tighter.  My belly has grown to an abnormal size (for me at least) and it literally looks like I'm probably 8 months pregnant.  I am probably as big if not bigger then I was when I had Jake.  I wouldn't be surprised if I was back up to 300 lbs right now.

I have started snoring because of this extra weight and yes even when I sleep on my sides I snore (I can only sleep on my sides since my back surgeries).  I haven't been sleeping well since I realized I have been snoring and I actually wake myself up from it.  I don't sleep well because I am so afraid I am bothering my husband and after the more horrible life event that I lived through with him a few weeks ago that is the last thing I want to do, is keep him up, so I've been in a very light sleep so I can catch myself snoring and try to change it.  I am trying to change this and wish I could have an over night change but I know it didn't happen over night (even though the weight gain was withing a short period of time).  I have also realized that I have only 70 days left before softball starts and if I do not loose 50 lbs before then I will not play this year, because I am way to big right now.

Anyways I went back to the gym last night and it felt good, but my belly still feels way to huge and I have lots of work to do.  I realized how seriously FAT I am when I was doing leg presses and my stomach was in my way and making me not get them done correctly.  Then because of my stomach I didn't even bother trying to lay on my stomach and do hamstring workouts.

I am going back to the gym tonight no matter how tired I feel right now.  We lost electricity about 2:45 am last night due to the winter storm and it came back on about 5:30 am and for some reason I was awake most of that time.

Anyways, this was a fast post gotta get a report done before I leave work today, will try to do more updating about what has been going on in my life tomorrow.

Until next time...........................

Stay ACTIVE

Jennie

Ordering Fresh from a Market

Yesterday I started searching about places that would deliver fresh food from farms directly to my house.  I am trying to figure out if price is worth it or not and would it be a waste or would I actually cook and use the stuff before it goes bad?  I have run across a couple that I've considered and compared.  Here is the information I've gathered. Oh they all have free shipping!

1) Hello Fresh

I received a flyer for 3 free meals for them and that is what peaked my interest.  They have three types of boxes to choose from.  They will send you the number of meals that you choose each week and they are always different, they will not repeat the same meal within that year.  They send you everything portioned (spices, and that) for that specific meal and all you have to do is cook it, everything else is prepared.  

Classic Box (for Omnivores) they have four to five meals for 2 people ($69 a week) or three meals for 4 people ($129.00 a week).

Veggie Food Box (for Herbivores) three meals for 2 people ($59 a week) and three meals for 4 people ($109 a week.

Family Box (for families) three meals for 4 people ($105 a week) or two meals for 4 people ($79.95 a week).

2) Blue Apron

This one had two different boxes.  They have the same concept as the one above they will send you recipes/meals for the week and you just cook them.  They support farmers and list all of their suppers so you can read up on where the food is coming from.  OH and a plus is they also have wine delivery.  

2 Person Plan (seasonally-inspired meals for two) this is three meals for $59.94 a week.

Family Plan ( family-style meals for four) two meals at $69.92 a week or four meals for $139.84 a week.

3) Metabolic Meals

Now this is a bit different.  I think this may be a weight loss type business.  But they drew in my curiosity and make me want to research it more (which I'm still in the process of).  They offer Breakfast, lunches and dinners. I'm not sure though if this is a frozen type meal thing ( kinda like the frozen dinners you get at the grocery stores) like I said I'm still looking into this one.  I do like that you can choose your portion sizes based on if you are trying to lose weight or maintain.  You can skip a week and change your plans and or preferences or you can cancel anytime.  You also can choose snacks too.

Chef's Choice (they pick) They pick your meals based on what you tell them is your goal or what you don't like or do like. Some of your goals they pick for are like fuel for weight loss or increase performance.  They offer meals for 5 or 7 days and you choose if you want all 3 meals for the day or if you only want one or two.  For all three meals for 5 days it is $167.95 a week.  If you do just 2 meals a day (lunch & dinner) it is $132.90 a week.  One meal a day for 5 days is $122.95 a week.

My Choice (you pick) This one looks like you can only get breakfast and dinner meals.  You select what meals you want for the week and when you do you have pick what you want (fit portion or performance portion) and as you add then it will start totaling up.  This looks to be a tad more expensive then if you go with the Chef's choice.

So this is what I spent some time on yesterday.  I'm not sure if I really want to go with ordering meals or if I was looking into just ordering from a local farm all my vegetables and fruits and such.  My company does refer a company called Blue Sky Green Fields  which delivers to my work every Wednesday and there is not set amount on what you order or if you have to order that week and you only have to order what you are interested in or what you want.  I am going to take closer look at this because it might be more what I'm looking for.  Maybe I can even get a discount, who knows.

Now for my meals yesterday (Wednesday)

Breakfast:

I was bad, very bad and had a Hostess apple pie and a valentine cake thing.

Lunch: 

Deli Croissant, ham, turkey, salami, lettuce, tomato & cheese
1/2 cup of broccoli salad

Dinner:

Zucchini noodles with chicken breast and Parmesan cheese.  I took a picture of it.

I got 55 minutes on the treadmill last night and ran for 25 of those minutes and if felt great.  I am still catching up on Making a Murder, I'm half way thru episode 5. 

I then enjoyed two glasses of wine after the kids went to bed.  

Now here is my menu for today (Thursday).

Breakfast:

Oatmeal w/ almond butter, jelly & syrup

2 scrambled eggs

2 big cups of coffee

Lunch: 

Left overs from last night- zucchini noodles with corn (added was was left from what the kids didn't eat last night) and chicken. with Parmesan cheese. 

Dinner: 

will have to update later, not sure because Thursdays are crazy because we have to rush out the door to my sons Hip Hop class so I feed them quickly.  I am going to try to be good though. I do have some zucchini noodles left.  

My plan is to get on the treadmill when we get home but it is bath night so I might have to get on after the kids go to sleep so later then usual.  I am however going to walk 2 miles on the treadmill at work on my lunch today.  

OK this was a long one.  I gotta run, so until next time..... Stay skinny :-) 

Jennie

Tuesday Menu

Hi, this is going to be quick.  I just wanted to add my meals that I've had already today.

Breakfast:

Oatmeal with almond milk, jelly preserves, peanut better, syrup, almond butter
2 banana's

Lunch:

romaine lettuce with shredded Mexican cheese, cucumber & 1/2 avocado.

Instant lunch chicken flavored soup - this was my last one in the box.

Edited:

Dinner

I did not have anything ready so I made spaghetti and had a small serving.  I have to say a couple hours later I was starving.  I did not work out because I had way to much stress going on.

I was also able to sneak over to my works gym and got 2 miles in on the treadmill.  I will be trying to do 30-45 minutes or more tonight.  I am going to try to add running back into it again.

That is all and I will update tomorrow what I end up with for dinner.  I forgot to take out chicken so we'll see what I end up with.  I do have to use my zucchini up so I might spiralize them and make a pasta dish with them and the other half of my avocado.

Until next time......


Jennie

Stress = failures

I have been under allot of stress over the past several months plus, maybe pushing a year.  Well at least this past year has been worse then others.  Trust me I do understand that stress is a bad factor when trying to loose weight.  I am and have tried to do things to help alleviate it from my life, but it's just that some things it is not as easy as just turning your head or moving on.  It's much, much harder than that.

I do have to say that I have not had one beer since 12/31/15 and I honestly thought it would help to get rid of this gut, but it still hasn't moved.  I know it is part of the problem, but I thought I would see results by now.  I will admit that I like not feeling really bloated and that and I definitely don't miss feeling like crap in the morning.  Now I haven't given up alcohol completely for I have enjoyed a glass of wine here or there.

This is probably what I truly look like (Beer + babies +junk = fat)

I have been walking on the treadmill at lunch time for about 2 miles and I was doing good the first week with walking on the treadmill for an hour every night,but I already fell off the wagon last week.  I will try to get on the treadmill tonight and watch #MakingAMurder. Yes this is my go to show to help make the hour go by faster.  I'm just hoping that when I get home I don't loose my cool and my family didn't do anything that is going to make me stress out.  

I've changed my eating habits for the past several weeks, but I AM STILL NOT SEEING RESULTS and I'm starting to get really, really frustrated.  I am getting really close to stepping it up into high gear, but I'm afraid I'll over do it and I have to seriously allocate time for "me."  

Here is what my meals for today look like and it is pretty much the same all week (at least breakfast). I have pre-made some overnight oatmeal for the week and I put it in 8 oz mason jars.  

Breakfast:

1/2 cup steel cut oatmeal

1/2 almond milk

1tbsp jelly preserve 

1 tbsp almond butter

1/2 tbsp syrup

- I put the oatmeal and milk in that mason jars on Sunday night and then in the morning I pull out one jar and mix in the above added items and when I get to work I warm it up for about a minute.  You have to be very careful because it over flows if heated to much.  

Lunch:

2 cups Romaine lettuce

1/4 cup cucumber

1/3 cup chicken breast

3 tbsp shredded Mexican cheese

4 tbsp dressing

1/2 hard boiled egg

black olives (didn't measure, but probably less then 1/3 cup)

1/3 cup red onion

And here is my bad part of lunch: 

Instant lunch - Chicken flavor soup.  

Dinner: 

1 Cup of gourmet Mac and Cheese shells. 

Snack:

1.5 Cup of salted caramel ice cream with chocolate chips on top. - I had a craving

No I did not work out, by the time I finished everything last night it was 8:30 and I was exhausted and went to bed at 9 pm.  

(Updated) I am not sure what is for dinner yet, I did not take anything out and I am not sure what DH will make.  I will let you know when I find out.  I am stepping up my level and I am just praying for the motivation to go along with it.  

Oh I made these No Bake Energy Bites and they are very Delicious that I have to admit I feel like I am eating something completely for bidden on the diet menu.  Now it isn't one of the healthiest but it is relatively healthy for the most part.  

My next bar to make is this Granola Bars  this is more on the healthier side.  I will let you know how they taste once I make them. 

Well gotta run, until next time stay healthy my friends and hopefully everyone is a pound lighter. 

~Jennie

Motivation Needed

Wow, I have been meaning to sign in and update my blog for sometime now but with the holidays and that it went by to fast and now I realize that my last update was about a month and a half ago.  I failed, yet again and I apologize for it.

On the weightloss side of things it just is not happening, in fact I've gained weight (AGAIN) in the last month and a half.  I know what I weighed 2 weeks ago but with Christmas passing and that I know it's gotta be worse.  I will not step on a scale again until Friday, January 1, 2016 and I will then record how much I have gained :-( I have vowed to myself and for my kids sake that on that day I am kicking my workouts and diets up a few gears.  I'm sick of looking at myself and I'm sick of feeling this way.  I am pushing up on the weight when I was 9 months pregnant with my last 4 years ago and that is just flat out disgusting.  I'm 40 years old and with a few months of dieting and that and not losing much I have realized that with age this weightloss is definitely much harder then it was years ago when I was in my mid 20's, but I also had the help of an ex-boyfriend then and he encouraged my to my weightloss of 65 lbs and made me become the gym rat I was and I never felt better.  I want that again, I want that feeling of health, happiness and energy.  I DO understand that since it has been almost 10-15 years ago that I won't feel completely like that but to be close enough would be my goal.

I will wake up in the mornings not worrying what for clothing still fit me, and I will be able to put on an outfit and feel comfortable and look good in it.  I will stop shopping in the Plus size departments and be able to afford cute clothing again.  I will no longer make up excuses as to why I didn't or can't workout.  After a few comments I've received from family and seeing myself in pictures and knowing that all my clothing in my closet I only fit into a select few items these past few months, I am determined that as of January 1st I am changing my life.  There will be no more beer (until I reach my goal) I will allow myself an occasional glass of wine, but no more beer.  I will eat healthy so I can set a perfect example for my children.  I will get up and run/walk on the treadmill every morning and then try to squeeze the gym (for weights) in when I can.  This is the only thing that will change me is me setting my mind to it.  I can do this, and I will.  I have been having trouble bending over without my big ole "Fupa" getting in the way and I'm sick of looking at it.

All I'm asking is for motivation from anyone, just a message or daily text or whatever to make sure I am on track and that I did workout and if I didn't then motivation to get me moving.  I am limited on times to get to the gym due to children and work, but there is time so bare with me.  I know I do better when I have people checking up on me because I do not want to disappoint so I want to look forward to the check up so I can message back "yep, I did it I ran and did weights and here is my meals for today" instead of dreading a message because I don't want to have to tell you that I was lazy and didn't do anything.

I am sick of all these aches and pains much of them associated with my weight, but some associated with prior injuries but can be managed if I was in shape and smaller.  I have been snoring and I know it's related to my weight because I can feel the pressure of my fat roll up to my throat when I lay on my back.

Anyways, who's with me???  Don't be afraid, motivation from friends and family or even strangers is the key to success.  Sometimes you just can't do things alone.

OK, that is all for now.  Much has happened in the last month and a half but I will go over another time for I am limited on time right now.

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.  I will check in on Friday, January 1st which is the start of my "New" 2016 the new me, the healthy and happy ) at least fitness ways) me!!!

Thank you and until next time....