I love my body!!!

"I love my body" yes I have to keep telling myself this to try to stay positive, but secretly I hate my body with a passion.  I have been going to the gym (Fitness 19, great place) for 3 months now & I've faithfully been going at least 5x a week, but my weight is still playing the yo yo game & going between 239-243.  I have been stuck at this weight literally all year.  Last year (as you see in my weight log) the lbs were coming off at least 2lbs a week.  I'm thinking it's seriously time to sit down & reconsider my diet & do some playing around with that until I find the solution.  I'm doing great at the gym & sweating my butt off, but well no results.  I do feel great & sometimes see results.  

I seriously don't know how to get rid of this huge baby pouch & all the extra skin coming along with it.  Will I ever be able to tighten it w/o surgery to remove it?  I swear especially after having twins my abdominal muscles are no longer in existence.  Some days my tummy looks flatter then all of sudden it looks like I'm bloated or pregnant again & hanging out.  I just don't know what to do with it.  

Off the weight/gym subject... I'm still seriously job searching & all that added stress is most definitely not helping with the weight loss.  I'm getting annoyed with sending all these damn resumes out w/ no results.  We are getting very low on cash & I desperately need to get back to work, cuz I don't want to end up in serious money issues.  I know there has to be something out there that I qualify for, something.  I have such a wide variety back ground, but it's not helping me.  

I have been under so much stress lately between money & job searching.  I feel like a horrible wife/mother.  Some days I just cry & cry cuz I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  I guess I just want my life to be like a movie, where everything works out perfect in the end.  I have always dreamt of having a great family (which don't get me wrong I absolutely do) but where we do allot more stuff as a family & my DH was allot more interactive with us & willing to concentrate more on his family instead of pleasing himself.  I cannot remember the last time I have done anything for myself or bought myself anything.  I desperately need  new clothes with all my weight loss but I don't have the money, so I have to go around looking like a SLOB!!  I just hope things turn around for us & everything gets better cuz I don't know how much more stress I can handle.  I feel I'm losing or lost control of my kids & don't know what to do!!!

Well that about sums it up with what has been going on since last time I updated.  

Until next time....................