So Emotional

OMG, I am on an emotional roller coaster!  These past few days I cry at everything (no I'm not pregnant).  I just cannot fight back the tears.  I'm a hormonal MESS.

So, my knee appointment has GREAT new & bad news... The great news is no surgery or PT again.  The bad news is this is something I'll have to live with (see tearing up now).  I have wear & tear under my knee cap that's causing the pain.  They stopped doing arthroscopic surgery for this.  He said I have to strengthen my quad muscles and of course loss weight (basically said I AM FAT, or at least that's what I heard).  Both those combined will help bring the pain down, but it will not go away completely, there will be lots of activities that will flare it up.  I knew one day all these sports I played will come back to haunt me (so being active growing up can be a bad thing, don't worry I'm not going to stop my kids from this).  I walked back to my car and cried, cried because I'm FAT & because this is a pain I have to live with and sometimes it really is unbearable. I cannot even play with my kids like I want because they hurt to chase, bend, get on the ground or move in fast movements.  That is my number one reason to want this to go away & then for the pain of course.  I can still work out and play softball, but I cannot do lunges/squats under the pain is better then I can slowly start adding them in again.  I have had enough dealing with pain growing up between two back surgeries (hurting my back is the worst pain I ever had though) and the dealing with the occasional sharp pains from that since I was 17 and now this.  I AM FINISHED WITH PAIN.  Like everyone wishes when it comes to weight loss, cancer, Parkinson's, pain & every other illness out there that there is a Magical pill that takes away it all.  I hope one day there is a medical breakthrough for this, but for now it just sucks. 

So basically I'm feeling very depressed and down lately and just confused with everything in my life right now.  Maybe this is all happening because of the lovely PMS taking place, who knows.

This is all for now.... I'm to emotional to think of anything else and because I'm at work I don't wanna tear up anymore.

Until next time....................take care!