Much needed motivation!

So, I don't remember the last time I posted, but I'm sure it was last week sometime.  Nothing much has changed except I am so tired/exhausted.  I don't feel like doing a thing not even cooking clean/healthy meals.  This weekend showed as for I ate all things bad.  So, yes, I did fail with the 21 day Fix AGAIN!  I am so ashamed with myself I didn't even get on a scale and I do not know when I will feel like getting on a scale again (soon at least).

A lot has happened over the weekend with the kids and (JUST) I.  My twins got their purple striped belt in Karate and I was one proud momma (tears formed in my eyes).  Then I took the trio so the boys can finally get haircuts (since no one else will).  Then showered and got all the kids old clothes packed up in boxes to give to a friend that I promised them too.  Then we headed to a birthday party.  I have to say that the kids had a blast but I was just physically drained by the time I got there.  Yesterday was another lazy day were we hung around in PJ's because I couldn't even get an ounce of motivation in me to change or pick a finger up to do a thing.  I ordered pizza for lunch and that was dinner too.  I was happy my softball game was cancelled because of rain.  Then I got a tinge of energy to get up and go to Giant Eagle for a couple things and then did a load of laundry.  Then of course right before bed I decided to clean out my washing/dryer machines and the kitchen.  Then I slept like crap.  We lost power at about 2:30am and it finally came back on around 6:30am. 

So the past couple days I've been very nauseous and just wanting to puke to feel better.  Last time I've felt like this I also had dizzy spells with it and my doctor diagnosed it as Vertigo.  I just don't have the dizzy spells this time, so I'm not sure if it's the same thing.  I just hate feeling nauseous.  I'm to the point where food kinda makes my stomach turn at the thought, and I'm not hungry, but then food helps settle it for a little bit of time.  Who the heck knows.  Then on top of that add the complete exhaustion.  NO, I am not pregnant (had the tubes times almost 3 years ago).  I wish I had an answer though because I want my energy back.  I often wonder if it's because I'm doing A LOT on my own and maybe it has just caught up?  I have been yelling at the kids to much lately and I feel absolutely BAD about it.  That's another thing is I've been so emotional as in crying at a drop of a hat.  Oh and my period is due to show in 8 days so that could possibly be it too.  Who in the hell knows...

When it comes to my diet, as soon as I get motivation I am going to go on my own diet for a couple weeks and do my work out video and see how that goes.  I don't know what's wrong with me... Sometimes I just HATE myself.  Sometimes I just feel like a huge pushover to everyone and that no one takes me serious or cares if I do or don't do anything.  No one ever wants to hang out anymore or even bothers to call to ask me or my kids and I to hang.  I just don't think anyone likes to hang, maybe I'm that boring/idiotic or whatever.  I have to correct and say there is one friend out there that listens.

OK, I gotta go this is making me cry.  Don't you ever wish that there was someone out there that you can "talk" to that won't judge you & will listen to you & offer kind words of advice or heck just let you vent & doesn't make you feel like an idiot for feeling/doing what you do. 

Until next time..................