I DID IT!

Yes, I went to the gym around 7:45 last night after the kids where in bed.  It was a struggle at first because I was sitting on the couch with the kids waiting for their bedtime and I was getting extremely sleepy and I kept going over and over in my head about skipping tonight and kept trying to come up with a great excuse that supposedly would make me feel better about myself for skipping!  Well, I couldn't come up with any!  When I came home from work I changed directly into my workout clothes because I know if I didn't then I wouldn't have gone at all.  I put the kids to bed about 7:25 and then convinced myself that once I get there I will get all the motivation I need and low and behold it's true.  I walked into the gym and at first was afraid that maybe my badge would work since it's been awhile and once it did I perked up and got my workout in and it felt great. 

I did my legs yesterday and I started off with the machines first and then after about two weeks I'll move back to the free weights and such.  Then I did 40 mins on the elliptical and that was rough but felt awesome.  While I was doing my leg lifts I started to get worried that my knee pain is going to come back.  The pain has went away (except for some occasional) and I cannot sit with my right leg tucked under me without pain so I cannot bend it completely.  Oh, something my son said the other day when I was doing one of the T25 focus video's that made me realize how much your little ones really do pay attention and watch everything you do, anyways, Joey said "Mom, you can get up and down with out making noise or going slow, your knees are better now." Love that kids to death! 

Today for breakfast I made a banana, granola & chocolate shakeology and then for lunch I steamed a container of mixed veggies and then had a small container of veggie soup.  I was stuffed and I am paying for the soup because I am so thirsty and I can feel the water retention from my wedding rings (all the salt in the soup).  Tonight I'm going to make Spaghetti squash with butter & garlic and mixed veggies.  I will not be able to go to the gym tonight because my hubby has darts tonight (oddly enough the bar is two doors down from my gym, lol), so I will be watching a movie on Netflix off of my IPad and walking for no less then 45 mins.  I'm going to attempt this after dinner when the kids are still up so this will be interesting.  I then have to give them baths at which I'm going to clean the upstairs bathroom while they are playing in the bubbles.  I hope this all works out as planned.  I want to get some from of exercise in & I want to start straightening up my house so it looks nice again and start repairs that have been neglected even if I have to do it myself in order to get it done. 

Well I gotta run, so until next time....................

Just saying.....



Starting fresh (yet again)

Hi everyone & welcome back!  I wanted to say thank you to everyone that takes the time to read my blog.  I am trying to get more traffic, but I know I need to come up with creative ideas and for those that no me I do not have an ounce of creativity in me. 

Before I get to my weight issues I want to up date on my family life.  As you all know I am a MoM to 4 year old B/G twins and a 3 year old boy.  They are the love of my life and they are what keeps me waking up everyday.  They are what I live for.  Of course like many other parents there are times that I get very fed up and lose my mind.  I have become a screamer/yell whatever you want to call it.  I HATE it and my once patience level is no longer there, which will make me snap at the drop of the hat.  So, this all makes me very, very depressed.  I wanna stop, but not sure why I have become this way in the first place.  I want to stop yelling at my kids because what scares me is that they are going to hate me when they get older.  Just yesterday I was yelling at Joey for something and he went in his room crying, well I was just putting laundry away in my room so I was very close & heard him say thru tears "I don't like my mom & dad, I just want to go stay with Grandma because she doesn't yell at me." Totally broke my heart and brought me to tears.  I often think that if maybe just maybe I got a little more help from their father I wouldn't be so short fused these days and ready to go off 110% of the time.  Maybe if I got a hand in baths, dressing, feeding, watching, playing and whatever else there is to do then maybe I'd be the person I use to be.  Maybe it I didn't have to constantly clean up after their father 150% of the time it would be different.  Maybe, if he would help me out with everything and spend quality time with the trio instead of treating it as the worst thing you have to do in your life, I would be more calm.  Maybe, if he didn't lay in bed more then half the day while I'm downstairs busting ass to get everything done and trying to spend time with my kids (which I don't have b/c I have to get everything else finished before I can, I would be the best mom.  I look at my kids and wish they had better parents or at least a better mom.  So I have made a promise to myself yesterday that from here on our I am going to ""try"" my best to not yell at my kids and not fight with the hubby in front of them.  I am going to supply a positive environment fro them and I will not let dirty stuff (OCD in me) get to me so much b/c that can always be cleaned up later.   Anyways, I will provide my kids with the environment they deserve.  I love them with all I have. 

Here is a recent picture of my loves. 

Ok, now about my starting fresh.  I am feeling ungodly huge today and when I got on the scale it told me why...........................264 yes 264 fricken lbs.  That is about 7 lbs up from 2 weeks ago.  How does one seriously do that?  I have eaten fairly well, just haven't worked out so here I sit 264 lbs.  My clothes are so uncomfortably tight today so I've keep my sweater on at work all day because I don't want everyone to see the belly and think I might be pregnant.  Seriously if I was another girl looking at myself from the outside and seen how bloated and disgustingly fat I've gotten I would swear that they were pregnant.  I wish I could use that as an excuse.  I have one bad factor against me and that is my period is due later this week so that is about 5 additional poundage that I gain every month but goes away when it comes.  My boobs feel like the weigh about 15lbs each.. NO JOKE.  They don't even fit in my bra's today.  I just feel like a fat sloth out there.  I have given up looking in mirrors because I look disgusting and all off sudden I'm getting blemishes out of no where and I feel ugly.  So today I figured I HAVE TO seriously do something about this, it start NOW!

My first plan is to go to the gym after the trio goes to bed and start working out there again and if that falls thru or on the nights it can't happen I am going to walk/run on the treadmill at home (for instance tomorrow night my hubby has darts to I can't go to the gym so I'll do the treadmill at home).  My biggest problem is making sure the kids are calm & In bed before I sneak out.  Then it's something called motivation.  So tonight I am going to get there about 8pm and do 45 mins to an hour cardio and then an hour of weight training.  Weight training tonight will be legs, because I love working out my legs. 

 

 

 

I really hope I have better news and that I can up date with how I am following thru with my promises.....

 

Until next time...............

Failed Part II

Well again I started doing Focus T25 and did awesome the first 4 days and then BAM I hit the damn wall.  I got tied up on things to do Friday evening and never get to do the double day work outs and I haven't tried the stretch video that is suppose to be done on Sundays.  UGH, I don't understand why my motivation will not last.  I get so pumped in the beginning and shoot I don't even get thru a week before I get put behind from life.  That also is no great excuse because the workouts are only 25 mins a day.  I've even tired getting up early in the AM to do it but I cannot resit the urge to hit that snooze button. 

I've got to figure out something because of right now I'm doomed to be fat & out of shape for the rest of my life & for someone that is a former athlete that is hard.  I have to figure out what works for me and obviously these videos or eating certain stuff just isn't my cup of tea.  I come to realize that going to the gym has always worked for me and it actually is something that I really enjoy to do.  I think it has to do with the fact that it makes me feel like I have to go & if I don't I'm letting someone down (even though it's just me I'd be letting down) but the gym has always given me that accountability.  The only problem now is with the gym I have to find time and I cannot have the kids with me, so with me working FT and the kids in school FT I would never see them if I went to the gym after work.   My only other option is to go after they go to bed & yes I will be later, but that might just work.  I've tried the before work but they don't open till 5am and my hubby leaves for work at 6:20-6:30 so I would only have about an hour to work out and I need at least 2 hours.  Who know maybe I'll start doing the after bed time gym time.  I stopped before because my hubby always made me feel so guilty about leaving and the kids weren't asleep yet, but I really think this my work.

Ugh, I've noticed I have gotten really lazy in my old age.  I am only 39 but my body hurts and I have absolutely no energy.  Gee, what I would do to get back what I had even 6-8 years ago.  Kids & age truly zap the energy out of you.  They weren't kidding there. 

Oh and another thing I was thinking of starting up was walking for an hour on the treadmill when watching my shows at night.  I figured its not like my running but it's a start and something.  I will have to get back and let you know what this lazy butt has decided to do. 

I am truly getting sick of looking at myself in the mirror.  I went out Friday night "Date Night" with the hubby with no kids for our 9th Anniversary and I was feeling a bit confident on some stuff I was going to wear out, but when I got home and put on my jeans (that usually are loose & I'm always pulling up) they felt tight in the butt/waist/thighs and then I put on a couple shirts and I felt like a fat ass slob!!  I felt disgusting (kinda like I'm feeling today).  My work clothes aren't fitting to comfy today so this morning I had Greek yogurt with granola and then a banana for mid morning snack & for lunch a chocolate Shakeology (with banana & almonds) and I had a small/medium size bowl of beef veggie & rice soup and I have been so bloated and feeling over stuffed since.  Then I craved and bought this candy corn cookie they had and OMG, so good, but officially put me over the edge to the point I cannot drink my water cuz there is no room.  Why do I torture my body, why oh why?!?!?!??! 

Well I gotta get going.  Until next time......