Seriously, 2014 can end any time now, and bring on a happy & healthy 2015. It has been nothing but illness in my house since September and then add to that mess my father passing away end of November. I'm done, so far done with 2014. Currently my DH has the flu and we all know when men get the flu they carry it out to be worse then what it probably is, but there is no point on arguing that with him. With Christmas next week I'm praying that the kids nor I get this. With the luck I've been having I probably will get it just in time for Christmas, that'll probably be my present.
I have been having strange issues with my 4.5 year old Joey the past couple weeks, especially right after he got sick. He is always complaining about not feeling well and he doesn't really want to do anything anymore. He is always complaining about just wanting to go home and lay down. I mean seriously what 4 year old doesn't want to go see Santa??? Yep, Mine! Last Sunday they had Lunch with Santa and we fought and he cried that he didn't want to go, that he just wanted to stay home and lay down and rest. Seriously makes you think..... is there some really wrong with him or is has something been bothering him or is it all in his head. Who doesn't want to see Santa? He no longer wants to go to school, everyday this week has been a struggle and I literally had to pull him out of the house without his jacket on Monday (put his jacket on in the car) and force him in the car. Then when we got to school he cried and wouldn't let me leave (the teacher finally got that under control). Every morning we fight about going to school & personally I don't need to add that to my list of stuff to get done before heading out the door. It has been horrible. He was never like this and he loved going to school every day up until a couple weeks ago. I ask him whats wrong and if something is bothering him at school and he says nothing (always refers back to not feeling well). He did mention the other day that he does not like nap time. This coming from a kid that stopped naps when he was 2.5. He says he hates laying there resting. I mentioned this to his teacher and they have offered for him to bring some books to his mat, but not working well. If and when he eats breakfast it's barely nothing and the teacher says he's not eating much at lunch time. I seriously don't know what to do, I don't know what's wrong, don't know if he's really sick or just saying it, I don't know if something is truly bugging him at school. He won't tell me anything & we've taking him to the doctor & they said he's fine. UGH.... HELP I need someone to tell me what I should do, because I want to be able to help him and make whatever is hurting him go away. I want my Joe Joe back that one that loved doing things & smiled. Oh and he has also turned into a very bad disobedient kid. The way he talks to me now is so hurtful. He's never done this.
OK, enough of that. As for weight loss, that is not in my vocabulary currently, but weight gain most definitely is. I keep telling myself for the last 2 weeks I was going to start back to the gym (I wanted to before the New Year so I'm not considered one of those folks that drive me crazy with the resolutions and New Year), but I've been so lazy and so tired from fighting with my kids that by the time they go to bed, I go to bed myself. Last scale weight I was 267.7 which is 10 lbs more then last month. I haven't gotten on the scale since that weigh in, because my clothes are already telling me that I've gained. I don't know what the hell is going on and I'm so over it... I'm done... I just want to starve myself and become a gym rat. I sick of being fat & I'm sick of my total lack of motivation. I'm just sick of it all. I missed a 40th birthday party last weekend because I felt to FAT to go out. I have no clothing that flatters my fat ass. I just feel nasty, disgusting & only feel comfortable in sweats. I don't even need a belt for my fat jeans anymore. They use to fall completely off, but now they are snug. I'm finished completely finished.. I need help, serious help....
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
How fast life changes!
Well the last time I wrote in this my life changed all within those 24 hours.
Thursday, November 20th, was a decent day, I was sick and went to see the clinic nurse here at work, which all turned out fine. I ate with the AR department at our company thanksgiving luncheon. Then my afternoon carried on as normal. I got a call from my DH with Joey crying in the back ground for me because he was sick & had a fever and he just wanted his mom. Well if that wasn't heart breaking enough. Then I got a call right as I was about to leave saying to hurry home because Joey just puked and he's complaining his mouth, throat and body hurts and he's having a hard time breathing (but wouldn't do his inhaler). At 5:10 I got in my car to make the long trike home and it was cold and trying to snow. I was on Rt. 303 about 5:20-5:30 and decided to give my parents a call to see if they could watch Joey tomorrow because I was keeping him home from school. I told her that Chris was taking him to Urgicare as soon as I get home because we cannot figure out what is going on and he just finished antibiotics for a lung infection 3 days before. So I talked to her for a few more minutes and got on the highway. It was starting to snow and traffic was slowing down, but I finally made it home about 5:45pm (Not sure on times). I got inside and ate dinner quickly and then went upstairs to change and in the mean time DH was leaving to take Joey to Urgicare. That's when my life changed and everything came to a screaming HAULT!!! I got the phone call that no one wants the one that everyone dreads to ever get... Not even 2 Min's after they left my phone rang & it was my mom. I answered not thinking anything of it and she was crying. This is how it went... "Your dad was just rushed to the hospital & he was unresponsive." Then she had to go cuz my brother was calling in. WTF was that, what just happened, what do you mean?? I finally got a hold of her again & found out what happened. He was feeding the dog and felt weak so he pulled out the stool and sat down, but he fell off & hit his head on the sliding doors. My mom said he has fainted in the past, but she was always able to wake him up. This time she said "Dan, wake up... if you don't wake up now I'm calling 911! well she called 911 and had to perform CPR on him because he wasn't breathing, until EMS got there." They whisked him away and that's all I knew. I called DH balling my eyes out that he had to get home because my dad was rushed to the hospital unresponsive & I needed to get there." He just got to urgicare and was waiting. In the mean time called neighbors and that trying to find someone to watch the kids. Chris came home and I was off to Southwest. I tried calling people & my sisters to tell them. I was crying & the snow was coming down bad by then. The rest of the drive was a huge blur.
I got the ER and parked and walked in and when I told the nurses who I was there to see I could tell immediately that it wasn't good by the look on their face. They got quiet and had me follow them. I then got to the back and was told to go in the God for sakin "Family" room. I knew it, I knew it after that. I was the first one there (my brother was still on his way). My mom was crying & shaking her head & my cousin was there supporting my mom (she is a nurse in that ER) and my Sister-in-Law's father was there supporting my mom (he gave her a ride). At that moment I have to say time stopped, life stopped (shouldn't be typing this at work, cuz it's getting me worked up). Nothing in the world was making sense. This couldn't be, not my dad, no I just spoke to him. He died from a sudden heart attack on that horrible Thursday 11/20/14 night at 6:36pm. I just missed him, I didn't have time to say goodbye or let him know I love him.
Every day after that is still a blur. I feel like I'm a walking zombie and I honestly cannot remember what I did from one minute to another. It's like my body is doing all my activities but I'm not there. I cannot even remember dropping the kids off at school or talking to them. I guess it's what they call the state of shock, but I don't know I don't like this feeling at all. I still don't think it's officially hit me that my dad is gone, or maybe it has & this is how I handle it. How could this be? Shouldn't I be balling my eyes out more and just whatever???? I wish I can do anything in the world, to bring my father back, it wasn't his time. He still has so much to live for and see and do. He needs to see his grandchildren grow up. He needs to be there for my mom and us kids... I NEED MY DAD!!! He deserves to live more them me..
Every day I wait for a funny text to come from him, or his wise ass comments on FB, but non, its been silent for so long. I will no longer have anyone call me "Pig" and me call him "Hog" (inside joke). I still have the last text he sent me and I him and many more that I will never delete as long as I can. Things are so different since then. Thanksgiving was a blank holiday and it was irritating sitting there with family and not feeling it. I just wanted to scream. I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all. My mom is a strong woman and bless her, but she seems to be ignoring me lately. She doesn't text me or anything and it seems my kids do nothing but irritate her these days. I'm afraid to ask her to watch them or anything. I know she is grieving and I respect that and this might be her way of handling it. Heck, I haven't felt like seeing anyone lately or doing anything. I want everything back to how it was, this just isn't right. I want my mom back & I want my dad too....
On another not so exciting note. I weighed my fat self and I'm up 10 lbs since whenever my last weigh in was on here... Oh great most people lose weight in a traumatic experience, but leave it to my stupid body to be the one that gains it. WHATEVER... I don't care anymore. I'm sick of it all of everything.
Thursday, November 20th, was a decent day, I was sick and went to see the clinic nurse here at work, which all turned out fine. I ate with the AR department at our company thanksgiving luncheon. Then my afternoon carried on as normal. I got a call from my DH with Joey crying in the back ground for me because he was sick & had a fever and he just wanted his mom. Well if that wasn't heart breaking enough. Then I got a call right as I was about to leave saying to hurry home because Joey just puked and he's complaining his mouth, throat and body hurts and he's having a hard time breathing (but wouldn't do his inhaler). At 5:10 I got in my car to make the long trike home and it was cold and trying to snow. I was on Rt. 303 about 5:20-5:30 and decided to give my parents a call to see if they could watch Joey tomorrow because I was keeping him home from school. I told her that Chris was taking him to Urgicare as soon as I get home because we cannot figure out what is going on and he just finished antibiotics for a lung infection 3 days before. So I talked to her for a few more minutes and got on the highway. It was starting to snow and traffic was slowing down, but I finally made it home about 5:45pm (Not sure on times). I got inside and ate dinner quickly and then went upstairs to change and in the mean time DH was leaving to take Joey to Urgicare. That's when my life changed and everything came to a screaming HAULT!!! I got the phone call that no one wants the one that everyone dreads to ever get... Not even 2 Min's after they left my phone rang & it was my mom. I answered not thinking anything of it and she was crying. This is how it went... "Your dad was just rushed to the hospital & he was unresponsive." Then she had to go cuz my brother was calling in. WTF was that, what just happened, what do you mean?? I finally got a hold of her again & found out what happened. He was feeding the dog and felt weak so he pulled out the stool and sat down, but he fell off & hit his head on the sliding doors. My mom said he has fainted in the past, but she was always able to wake him up. This time she said "Dan, wake up... if you don't wake up now I'm calling 911! well she called 911 and had to perform CPR on him because he wasn't breathing, until EMS got there." They whisked him away and that's all I knew. I called DH balling my eyes out that he had to get home because my dad was rushed to the hospital unresponsive & I needed to get there." He just got to urgicare and was waiting. In the mean time called neighbors and that trying to find someone to watch the kids. Chris came home and I was off to Southwest. I tried calling people & my sisters to tell them. I was crying & the snow was coming down bad by then. The rest of the drive was a huge blur.
I got the ER and parked and walked in and when I told the nurses who I was there to see I could tell immediately that it wasn't good by the look on their face. They got quiet and had me follow them. I then got to the back and was told to go in the God for sakin "Family" room. I knew it, I knew it after that. I was the first one there (my brother was still on his way). My mom was crying & shaking her head & my cousin was there supporting my mom (she is a nurse in that ER) and my Sister-in-Law's father was there supporting my mom (he gave her a ride). At that moment I have to say time stopped, life stopped (shouldn't be typing this at work, cuz it's getting me worked up). Nothing in the world was making sense. This couldn't be, not my dad, no I just spoke to him. He died from a sudden heart attack on that horrible Thursday 11/20/14 night at 6:36pm. I just missed him, I didn't have time to say goodbye or let him know I love him.
Every day after that is still a blur. I feel like I'm a walking zombie and I honestly cannot remember what I did from one minute to another. It's like my body is doing all my activities but I'm not there. I cannot even remember dropping the kids off at school or talking to them. I guess it's what they call the state of shock, but I don't know I don't like this feeling at all. I still don't think it's officially hit me that my dad is gone, or maybe it has & this is how I handle it. How could this be? Shouldn't I be balling my eyes out more and just whatever???? I wish I can do anything in the world, to bring my father back, it wasn't his time. He still has so much to live for and see and do. He needs to see his grandchildren grow up. He needs to be there for my mom and us kids... I NEED MY DAD!!! He deserves to live more them me..
Every day I wait for a funny text to come from him, or his wise ass comments on FB, but non, its been silent for so long. I will no longer have anyone call me "Pig" and me call him "Hog" (inside joke). I still have the last text he sent me and I him and many more that I will never delete as long as I can. Things are so different since then. Thanksgiving was a blank holiday and it was irritating sitting there with family and not feeling it. I just wanted to scream. I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all. My mom is a strong woman and bless her, but she seems to be ignoring me lately. She doesn't text me or anything and it seems my kids do nothing but irritate her these days. I'm afraid to ask her to watch them or anything. I know she is grieving and I respect that and this might be her way of handling it. Heck, I haven't felt like seeing anyone lately or doing anything. I want everything back to how it was, this just isn't right. I want my mom back & I want my dad too....
On another not so exciting note. I weighed my fat self and I'm up 10 lbs since whenever my last weigh in was on here... Oh great most people lose weight in a traumatic experience, but leave it to my stupid body to be the one that gains it. WHATEVER... I don't care anymore. I'm sick of it all of everything.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Tis the Season
Well lets just say that since the beginning of September I have been sick with a cold. It will just slowly start getting better and then BAM another one sneaks up. My kids have also been sick since the second week of school well with coughs and colds. Joey just got off of antibiotics for a lung infection and finally after a couple months I don't hear him coughing anymore. He is still using his inhaler not as much. Well now Jake & Addisyn have horrible coughs that are keeping them up at night. Anyways, I hate this time of the year when everyone gets sick. Alright enough complaining about that.
I still haven't figured anything out about my weight loss and honestly I don't know what I'm waiting for, maybe aMagic Pill or something that works to be presented to me. Who knows, but what I do know is that I have been extremely lazy in the getting my butt off the couch and working out. I have briskly walked for an hour on the treadmill a couple (and I mean a couple) nights last week & the week before. I wanna get the motivation to get myself to the gym. I know the #1 person that can do this is myself, but the help of someone Else usually is good too. I wish I had a workout partner someone I am meeting at the gym every night, because then I know I will get my lazy butt out the door all the time, because I wouldn't be able to let that person down. It's just the point of finding someone that is motivated themselves and is hard working so they too don't slack. That is how many years ago I lost a lot of weight. I was dating a guy that went to the gym & ran every day so in order to be with him that is what I did and "Poof" I became a gym rat and looked awesome... Even after we broke up I already created a good habit and continued going. Then I dated another guy that worked out everyday too and so it kept me going. I also played Co-ed Softball every night. I was in GREAT shape and I felt great. My whole point is I need to find someone that can motivate me and understands my schedule with my kids & husband and that sometimes it just won't work, but will encourage me to still eat good and get on the treadmill at home or whatever. Someone that I can motivate too and coach along. That is what I need and am looking for. Oh and free I don't want to pay someone to do this so even if it is a friend that wants to get in shape too then GREAT!
In another topic. .. I need to keep myself off of facebook for a while because of personal reason. I need to get away from the negativity and focus on myself because that is bringing me into the wrong direction, a direction I don't wanna go. If people wanna be nosey then they can pick up the phone and call me from now on. I'm just sick of some things with FB and peoples posts. I am going to concentrate on me (so YES I'm going to be selfish) and also on my kids and marriage.
Until next time......................... Peace.
I still haven't figured anything out about my weight loss and honestly I don't know what I'm waiting for, maybe a
In another topic. .. I need to keep myself off of facebook for a while because of personal reason. I need to get away from the negativity and focus on myself because that is bringing me into the wrong direction, a direction I don't wanna go. If people wanna be nosey then they can pick up the phone and call me from now on. I'm just sick of some things with FB and peoples posts. I am going to concentrate on me (so YES I'm going to be selfish) and also on my kids and marriage.
Until next time......................... Peace.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Growing by the day!
I have a confession.. I am gaining weight!!! I have not gotten on the scale in 3-4 weeks and all because I just don't want to see the number. I know I''ve put on about 5 or so lbs because I can feel it in my clothes. They are fitting pretty tight lately and if I don't get my act in gear then I will have nothing to wear to work. UGH, I seriously just shake my head because there is nothing to blame except for myself. I don't understand how in just one weekend I put on literally 5 lbs ALL THE TIME. I do so good during the week but I haven't lost a thing. Again since I first started this blog I haven't lost much like I did when first starting. Its been probably two in a half years since I've been stuck before 250-260 lbs. I cannot, let me repeat cannot get under 250 for the life of me. It is beyond frustrating. Yes, I Know I need to get the motivation to get to the gym and stay going to the gym. Honestly though I have faithfully (last Fall/Winter/Spring) went to the gym 5 days a week with kids in tow and STILL could not get myself to budge on the weight loss. Changed eating habits numerous times and still nothing. Now with starting back up to working full time I haven't been able to get myself to the gym or shall I say no motivation to go. My work even has a free gym (now if I want to ever spend time with the kids I cannot go after work) I only get a 1/2 hour lunch (so I can leave at a decent time) I do not get into work until 8:30 because I can't drop the kids off at school until 8am. So the only way going to the gym would be possible is to go after the kids are in bed about 8pm.
Oh another disappointing/devastating thing is I decided this weekend to go Thrift shopping (I've seen so many people get the cutest clothing from thrift stores) so I went and they DO NOT have much for FAT people. I thought to myself sure the friends that are thrifting are small & skinny and have a better option of clothing and more styles. I have the choice between mom jeans and mom jeans. The type that come up past your belly button with elastic on the side & back & some have no buttons nor zippers... Yeah, those type of jeans. So as I sit at my desk with my muffin top bulging out of the top of my work pants and my shirt shorter then I want so you can see my volcano of fat flowing (not really, but that's the picture I get). I hate pictures, I hate looking at myself in mirrors I just flat out am ashamed of myself. Something has to give, I have to find something that works for me again and have to do it soon. I'm embarrassed of myself and all that are with me.
So I am going to start tracking on MyfitnessPal again (since it worked before) and really, really start watching my food/beverage (as in beer) intake. I am going to try to get the gym when I can & if I can't (like tonight) I will do my treadmill for no less then an hour. I'm sick of myself and how I feel. Sooo disgusting. I have tried/said I was going to do so much stuff in the past 5-6 months and I have failed. Something has to give and I have to wake up here SOON.
As per my last post, NO I did not get my weeks of meals prepared yesterday nor did we shop for what I needed. My hubby woke me up and wanted to go to breakfast & then shopping right after, at first I said no because I didn't have the list ready & I wasn't going to go, but he kept insisting so I went and he said we'll do the meal planning/shopping next time and just normal shop now. That's my problem is it get put off and then never gets done. Wish my hubby was more of a motivationalist then not. So we went shopping and I put the groceries away and then went to my parents to do their leaves for them and that was a HUGE chore. My body is sore today. Tonight I have laundry to do since we were gone all day yesterday so hence the reason I'm not going to the gym tonight, but I am going to walk/run on the treadmill tonight after the kids are in bed.
Well this fat sloth is signing off. Hopefully one day I can look back at my struggles and laugh them in the face because I conquered my obstacles.
Thank you all!!!
Oh another disappointing/devastating thing is I decided this weekend to go Thrift shopping (I've seen so many people get the cutest clothing from thrift stores) so I went and they DO NOT have much for FAT people. I thought to myself sure the friends that are thrifting are small & skinny and have a better option of clothing and more styles. I have the choice between mom jeans and mom jeans. The type that come up past your belly button with elastic on the side & back & some have no buttons nor zippers... Yeah, those type of jeans. So as I sit at my desk with my muffin top bulging out of the top of my work pants and my shirt shorter then I want so you can see my volcano of fat flowing (not really, but that's the picture I get). I hate pictures, I hate looking at myself in mirrors I just flat out am ashamed of myself. Something has to give, I have to find something that works for me again and have to do it soon. I'm embarrassed of myself and all that are with me.
So I am going to start tracking on MyfitnessPal again (since it worked before) and really, really start watching my food/beverage (as in beer) intake. I am going to try to get the gym when I can & if I can't (like tonight) I will do my treadmill for no less then an hour. I'm sick of myself and how I feel. Sooo disgusting. I have tried/said I was going to do so much stuff in the past 5-6 months and I have failed. Something has to give and I have to wake up here SOON.
As per my last post, NO I did not get my weeks of meals prepared yesterday nor did we shop for what I needed. My hubby woke me up and wanted to go to breakfast & then shopping right after, at first I said no because I didn't have the list ready & I wasn't going to go, but he kept insisting so I went and he said we'll do the meal planning/shopping next time and just normal shop now. That's my problem is it get put off and then never gets done. Wish my hubby was more of a motivationalist then not. So we went shopping and I put the groceries away and then went to my parents to do their leaves for them and that was a HUGE chore. My body is sore today. Tonight I have laundry to do since we were gone all day yesterday so hence the reason I'm not going to the gym tonight, but I am going to walk/run on the treadmill tonight after the kids are in bed.
Well this fat sloth is signing off. Hopefully one day I can look back at my struggles and laugh them in the face because I conquered my obstacles.
Thank you all!!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Time for a Change
So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and trying to come up with a diet plan that will work for me. I'm trying to figure out a way to make life easier for me and by that I mean taking away getting meals ready daily. I have decided that starting next week I am going to try and I mean try to get all 3 meals prepared on Sunday. So then all that needs done is just a quick warm up and we are ready to go. So Ive been searching Pinterest for recipe ideas on quick & easy but healthy ideas. I have all my breakfast planned out for the week, just working on the other two meals. The thing is for the kids lunches I need something that doesn't require heating and simple for them to eat on their own. If it requires refrigeration I have ice packs for their lunch boxes to keep it cold, so that''s not a problem. Then for dinners I'm trying to decide if I wanna do meal preps and freeze it or actually cook and refrigerate. Another issue is if I make chicken ahead of time my hubby doesn't like the way it tastes reheated. Personally I don't either and it smells funny, but I'll learn to live with it.
Also, I haven't been to the gym all week, I've been extremely lazy (no other excuse). My clothes are tighter and I KNOW I need to go, but I just can't seem to get out the door. I'd rather come home from work and put my comfy PJ's on and relax with the kids. I know I'll feel much better if I get up and go (I've been there before). I need a workout partner, someone that can push me to go and someone that'll give me the motivation I need. I think starting next week I'm going to try once again to a new me. I cannot make promises that It'll happen but I can at least say that I'm going to try. I am going to make myself healthier and therefore happier and start looking at the positive side of things. I willTRY to not let peoples negativity affect me. People's rude comments or statements will not bother me. I have to start working on my family and making my kids happy, they are my top priority and then comes me.
I will be doing a lot of web searching until I come up with exactly what works for me. I can do this.
I will try to update and let you know how planning is going.
Until next time...
Also, I haven't been to the gym all week, I've been extremely lazy (no other excuse). My clothes are tighter and I KNOW I need to go, but I just can't seem to get out the door. I'd rather come home from work and put my comfy PJ's on and relax with the kids. I know I'll feel much better if I get up and go (I've been there before). I need a workout partner, someone that can push me to go and someone that'll give me the motivation I need. I think starting next week I'm going to try once again to a new me. I cannot make promises that It'll happen but I can at least say that I'm going to try. I am going to make myself healthier and therefore happier and start looking at the positive side of things. I will
I will be doing a lot of web searching until I come up with exactly what works for me. I can do this.
I will try to update and let you know how planning is going.
Until next time...
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Lots on my mind
So today isn't the best of all days, actually it was absolutely horrible. I have basically been told twice that I am not a good mother. I know I'm not perfect and I know I am not even a good parent, but I like to believe that I try. I have broken down in tears today more then I would like to count. I am emotionally drained. I've had to correct and yell and punish my kids more then I would like to count today.
Here is how it all started. It was my day to sleep in and personally I hate sleeping in because when I get up everything is worse then if I just got up with the kids. I came downstairs to the kids playing with paint and that is all fine if the paint area is set up correct so it doesn't get all over my NEW table cloth. Then I get in a yelling match of why do I buy stuff if the kids can't use them. That's not the whole point, and I'm not going to even get into that. So I ended up throwing the paints in the garbage. Another thing is when the other person get up with the kids he just lays on the couch and goes back to sleep so then the kids get into everything they shouldn't. The house gets turned upside down. The reason it bothers me is because I'm the one that has to clean it. Then I talk to someone on the phone and basically because I told them I let the kids watch Godzilla last night and they weren't scared that my kids are getting or going to be desensitized and have NO FEAR when they get older & I said well that can be a good thing but then was told yeah sure they'll have no fear against authority or guns & will join gangs. So I'm a horrible mom because of this and my kids are going to be horrible. There are a lot of other horrible things that I could do. Then later today I guess I am a bad parent because I don't recycle and so hence forth I don't care about my kids future. Yes, I say screw recycling, but doesn't mean I don't do other things that will help make the earth or world a better place for my children and their children in the future. Everyone has their own way and their own beliefs, not everyone wants to be tree hugger or such so they find their own way to help. I may have read that the wrong way, but I read it the way I did because of my hole issue I had with this damn 1st time recycling. I'm just so done, so finished.
I put a very strong front on and I act stronger then I really am. People say things that really hurt but I won't let them know until I'm on my own and cry. I am not as strong as many think and things people say really do hurt me even if they don't think I have feelings, my way of acting strong is to laugh it off or just go with it. I don't know what else to do, I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I'm waiving the white flag. I sometimes wish someone can come and tell you how to parent like they do with everything else.
So my house is another very touchy subject to me and it was brought to my attention a little bit ago (not like I didn't already know this, but I just don't want to think about it) how my house has deteriorated and because of my two dogs and kids. Yes, I am and always have been the only one that cleaned and took care of the house. Yes, my one dog has damaged to much, but if it was up to me I would have fixed the stuff right away, but I have no talent for this kind of stuff and I really suck that I depend on someone else, but it's just who I am. I really am jealous and wish so many times that I married someone that was more of a handy man and not so damn lazy, but I didn't and there is nothing I can do. I HATE the fact that nothing gets fixed around here in a timely manner as it should and so then things just start piling up and then it looks worse then what it should. Yes, I slowly am buying stuff to try to make the house look nicer and more homey but I can't spend my money on all that because again I am the only one that spends my money on stuff the kids need. So something has to slack somewhere and unfortunately it's the house (that's good parenting, right?). My house bothers me so bad it really makes me so miserable. I am a clean freak so having kids that like to take after their father in cleanliness doesn't help a person with OCD.
I have to do a lot on my own and I try to be a decent parent and one day I'd like to say I'm a good parent. I don't know what else to do. I wish people would stop criticizing me and tell me what to do or what I can do to make things better. People need to understand all I have on my shoulders and that 85% of the time I am a single parent. I am doing my best and yes I hate how much I yell at my kids and I feel so absolutely horrible and I HATE who I've become, I hate it. I want to be who I use to be, I want to show my kids I can be a good mom and I am a good person. I'd like to think the stress of having to do everything mostly is the biggest problem. Who knows.
I wish people knew how sensitive I am and that I'm not as strong as I may look to you. Please be nice to me, please guide me and help me. Please give me advice or direct me on what to do. I love my kids more then anything in the world and I want to give them whats best for them and my number one concern is for their happiness. I will do whatever I have to for them, but I just don't know what that is. I'm upset with myself because I haven't lost weight in almost 2 years and I am so disgusting OBESE. I try and I try, but I keep falling off the wagon. I am so depressed on the weight side of things.
I just want people to know I am not perfect and not we do not have a perfect or even great life, the only thing perfect in our life are my three precious miracles. Please, please be gentle and understand I'm struggling and I'm not perfect.
That's it folks, I had a lot bothering me today and needed to get it out so I knew blogging would be best. Ok, now to finish my laundry..
Here is how it all started. It was my day to sleep in and personally I hate sleeping in because when I get up everything is worse then if I just got up with the kids. I came downstairs to the kids playing with paint and that is all fine if the paint area is set up correct so it doesn't get all over my NEW table cloth. Then I get in a yelling match of why do I buy stuff if the kids can't use them. That's not the whole point, and I'm not going to even get into that. So I ended up throwing the paints in the garbage. Another thing is when the other person get up with the kids he just lays on the couch and goes back to sleep so then the kids get into everything they shouldn't. The house gets turned upside down. The reason it bothers me is because I'm the one that has to clean it. Then I talk to someone on the phone and basically because I told them I let the kids watch Godzilla last night and they weren't scared that my kids are getting or going to be desensitized and have NO FEAR when they get older & I said well that can be a good thing but then was told yeah sure they'll have no fear against authority or guns & will join gangs. So I'm a horrible mom because of this and my kids are going to be horrible. There are a lot of other horrible things that I could do. Then later today I guess I am a bad parent because I don't recycle and so hence forth I don't care about my kids future. Yes, I say screw recycling, but doesn't mean I don't do other things that will help make the earth or world a better place for my children and their children in the future. Everyone has their own way and their own beliefs, not everyone wants to be tree hugger or such so they find their own way to help. I may have read that the wrong way, but I read it the way I did because of my hole issue I had with this damn 1st time recycling. I'm just so done, so finished.
I put a very strong front on and I act stronger then I really am. People say things that really hurt but I won't let them know until I'm on my own and cry. I am not as strong as many think and things people say really do hurt me even if they don't think I have feelings, my way of acting strong is to laugh it off or just go with it. I don't know what else to do, I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I'm waiving the white flag. I sometimes wish someone can come and tell you how to parent like they do with everything else.
So my house is another very touchy subject to me and it was brought to my attention a little bit ago (not like I didn't already know this, but I just don't want to think about it) how my house has deteriorated and because of my two dogs and kids. Yes, I am and always have been the only one that cleaned and took care of the house. Yes, my one dog has damaged to much, but if it was up to me I would have fixed the stuff right away, but I have no talent for this kind of stuff and I really suck that I depend on someone else, but it's just who I am. I really am jealous and wish so many times that I married someone that was more of a handy man and not so damn lazy, but I didn't and there is nothing I can do. I HATE the fact that nothing gets fixed around here in a timely manner as it should and so then things just start piling up and then it looks worse then what it should. Yes, I slowly am buying stuff to try to make the house look nicer and more homey but I can't spend my money on all that because again I am the only one that spends my money on stuff the kids need. So something has to slack somewhere and unfortunately it's the house (that's good parenting, right?). My house bothers me so bad it really makes me so miserable. I am a clean freak so having kids that like to take after their father in cleanliness doesn't help a person with OCD.
I have to do a lot on my own and I try to be a decent parent and one day I'd like to say I'm a good parent. I don't know what else to do. I wish people would stop criticizing me and tell me what to do or what I can do to make things better. People need to understand all I have on my shoulders and that 85% of the time I am a single parent. I am doing my best and yes I hate how much I yell at my kids and I feel so absolutely horrible and I HATE who I've become, I hate it. I want to be who I use to be, I want to show my kids I can be a good mom and I am a good person. I'd like to think the stress of having to do everything mostly is the biggest problem. Who knows.
I wish people knew how sensitive I am and that I'm not as strong as I may look to you. Please be nice to me, please guide me and help me. Please give me advice or direct me on what to do. I love my kids more then anything in the world and I want to give them whats best for them and my number one concern is for their happiness. I will do whatever I have to for them, but I just don't know what that is. I'm upset with myself because I haven't lost weight in almost 2 years and I am so disgusting OBESE. I try and I try, but I keep falling off the wagon. I am so depressed on the weight side of things.
I just want people to know I am not perfect and not we do not have a perfect or even great life, the only thing perfect in our life are my three precious miracles. Please, please be gentle and understand I'm struggling and I'm not perfect.
That's it folks, I had a lot bothering me today and needed to get it out so I knew blogging would be best. Ok, now to finish my laundry..
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
I DID IT!
Yes, I went to the gym around 7:45 last night after the kids where in bed. It was a struggle at first because I was sitting on the couch with the kids waiting for their bedtime and I was getting extremely sleepy and I kept going over and over in my head about skipping tonight and kept trying to come up with a great excuse that supposedly would make me feel better about myself for skipping! Well, I couldn't come up with any! When I came home from work I changed directly into my workout clothes because I know if I didn't then I wouldn't have gone at all. I put the kids to bed about 7:25 and then convinced myself that once I get there I will get all the motivation I need and low and behold it's true. I walked into the gym and at first was afraid that maybe my badge would work since it's been awhile and once it did I perked up and got my workout in and it felt great.
I did my legs yesterday and I started off with the machines first and then after about two weeks I'll move back to the free weights and such. Then I did 40 mins on the elliptical and that was rough but felt awesome. While I was doing my leg lifts I started to get worried that my knee pain is going to come back. The pain has went away (except for some occasional) and I cannot sit with my right leg tucked under me without pain so I cannot bend it completely. Oh, something my son said the other day when I was doing one of the T25 focus video's that made me realize how much your little ones really do pay attention and watch everything you do, anyways, Joey said "Mom, you can get up and down with out making noise or going slow, your knees are better now." Love that kids to death!
Today for breakfast I made a banana, granola & chocolate shakeology and then for lunch I steamed a container of mixed veggies and then had a small container of veggie soup. I was stuffed and I am paying for the soup because I am so thirsty and I can feel the water retention from my wedding rings (all the salt in the soup). Tonight I'm going to make Spaghetti squash with butter & garlic and mixed veggies. I will not be able to go to the gym tonight because my hubby has darts tonight (oddly enough the bar is two doors down from my gym, lol), so I will be watching a movie on Netflix off of my IPad and walking for no less then 45 mins. I'm going to attempt this after dinner when the kids are still up so this will be interesting. I then have to give them baths at which I'm going to clean the upstairs bathroom while they are playing in the bubbles. I hope this all works out as planned. I want to get some from of exercise in & I want to start straightening up my house so it looks nice again and start repairs that have been neglected even if I have to do it myself in order to get it done.
Well I gotta run, so until next time....................
I did my legs yesterday and I started off with the machines first and then after about two weeks I'll move back to the free weights and such. Then I did 40 mins on the elliptical and that was rough but felt awesome. While I was doing my leg lifts I started to get worried that my knee pain is going to come back. The pain has went away (except for some occasional) and I cannot sit with my right leg tucked under me without pain so I cannot bend it completely. Oh, something my son said the other day when I was doing one of the T25 focus video's that made me realize how much your little ones really do pay attention and watch everything you do, anyways, Joey said "Mom, you can get up and down with out making noise or going slow, your knees are better now." Love that kids to death!
Today for breakfast I made a banana, granola & chocolate shakeology and then for lunch I steamed a container of mixed veggies and then had a small container of veggie soup. I was stuffed and I am paying for the soup because I am so thirsty and I can feel the water retention from my wedding rings (all the salt in the soup). Tonight I'm going to make Spaghetti squash with butter & garlic and mixed veggies. I will not be able to go to the gym tonight because my hubby has darts tonight (oddly enough the bar is two doors down from my gym, lol), so I will be watching a movie on Netflix off of my IPad and walking for no less then 45 mins. I'm going to attempt this after dinner when the kids are still up so this will be interesting. I then have to give them baths at which I'm going to clean the upstairs bathroom while they are playing in the bubbles. I hope this all works out as planned. I want to get some from of exercise in & I want to start straightening up my house so it looks nice again and start repairs that have been neglected even if I have to do it myself in order to get it done.
Well I gotta run, so until next time....................
Just saying.....
Monday, October 20, 2014
Starting fresh (yet again)
Hi everyone & welcome back! I wanted to say thank you to everyone that takes the time to read my blog. I am trying to get more traffic, but I know I need to come up with creative ideas and for those that no me I do not have an ounce of creativity in me.
Before I get to my weight issues I want to up date on my family life. As you all know I am a MoM to 4 year old B/G twins and a 3 year old boy. They are the love of my life and they are what keeps me waking up everyday. They are what I live for. Of course like many other parents there are times that I get very fed up and lose my mind. I have become a screamer/yell whatever you want to call it. I HATE it and my once patience level is no longer there, which will make me snap at the drop of the hat. So, this all makes me very, very depressed. I wanna stop, but not sure why I have become this way in the first place. I want to stop yelling at my kids because what scares me is that they are going to hate me when they get older. Just yesterday I was yelling at Joey for something and he went in his room crying, well I was just putting laundry away in my room so I was very close & heard him say thru tears "I don't like my mom & dad, I just want to go stay with Grandma because she doesn't yell at me." Totally broke my heart and brought me to tears. I often think that if maybe just maybe I got a little more help from their father I wouldn't be so short fused these days and ready to go off 110% of the time. Maybe if I got a hand in baths, dressing, feeding, watching, playing and whatever else there is to do then maybe I'd be the person I use to be. Maybe it I didn't have to constantly clean up after their father 150% of the time it would be different. Maybe, if he would help me out with everything and spend quality time with the trio instead of treating it as the worst thing you have to do in your life, I would be more calm. Maybe, if he didn't lay in bed more then half the day while I'm downstairs busting ass to get everything done and trying to spend time with my kids (which I don't have b/c I have to get everything else finished before I can, I would be the best mom. I look at my kids and wish they had better parents or at least a better mom. So I have made a promise to myself yesterday that from here on our I am going to ""try"" my best to not yell at my kids and not fight with the hubby in front of them. I am going to supply a positive environment fro them and I will not let dirty stuff (OCD in me) get to me so much b/c that can always be cleaned up later. Anyways, I will provide my kids with the environment they deserve. I love them with all I have.
Here is a recent picture of my loves.
Ok, now about my starting fresh. I am feeling ungodly huge today and when I got on the scale it told me why...........................264 yes 264 fricken lbs. That is about 7 lbs up from 2 weeks ago. How does one seriously do that? I have eaten fairly well, just haven't worked out so here I sit 264 lbs. My clothes are so uncomfortably tight today so I've keep my sweater on at work all day because I don't want everyone to see the belly and think I might be pregnant. Seriously if I was another girl looking at myself from the outside and seen how bloated and disgustingly fat I've gotten I would swear that they were pregnant. I wish I could use that as an excuse. I have one bad factor against me and that is my period is due later this week so that is about 5 additional poundage that I gain every month but goes away when it comes. My boobs feel like the weigh about 15lbs each.. NO JOKE. They don't even fit in my bra's today. I just feel like a fat sloth out there. I have given up looking in mirrors because I look disgusting and all off sudden I'm getting blemishes out of no where and I feel ugly. So today I figured I HAVE TO seriously do something about this, it start NOW!
My first plan is to go to the gym after the trio goes to bed and start working out there again and if that falls thru or on the nights it can't happen I am going to walk/run on the treadmill at home (for instance tomorrow night my hubby has darts to I can't go to the gym so I'll do the treadmill at home). My biggest problem is making sure the kids are calm & In bed before I sneak out. Then it's something called motivation. So tonight I am going to get there about 8pm and do 45 mins to an hour cardio and then an hour of weight training. Weight training tonight will be legs, because I love working out my legs.
Before I get to my weight issues I want to up date on my family life. As you all know I am a MoM to 4 year old B/G twins and a 3 year old boy. They are the love of my life and they are what keeps me waking up everyday. They are what I live for. Of course like many other parents there are times that I get very fed up and lose my mind. I have become a screamer/yell whatever you want to call it. I HATE it and my once patience level is no longer there, which will make me snap at the drop of the hat. So, this all makes me very, very depressed. I wanna stop, but not sure why I have become this way in the first place. I want to stop yelling at my kids because what scares me is that they are going to hate me when they get older. Just yesterday I was yelling at Joey for something and he went in his room crying, well I was just putting laundry away in my room so I was very close & heard him say thru tears "I don't like my mom & dad, I just want to go stay with Grandma because she doesn't yell at me." Totally broke my heart and brought me to tears. I often think that if maybe just maybe I got a little more help from their father I wouldn't be so short fused these days and ready to go off 110% of the time. Maybe if I got a hand in baths, dressing, feeding, watching, playing and whatever else there is to do then maybe I'd be the person I use to be. Maybe it I didn't have to constantly clean up after their father 150% of the time it would be different. Maybe, if he would help me out with everything and spend quality time with the trio instead of treating it as the worst thing you have to do in your life, I would be more calm. Maybe, if he didn't lay in bed more then half the day while I'm downstairs busting ass to get everything done and trying to spend time with my kids (which I don't have b/c I have to get everything else finished before I can, I would be the best mom. I look at my kids and wish they had better parents or at least a better mom. So I have made a promise to myself yesterday that from here on our I am going to ""try"" my best to not yell at my kids and not fight with the hubby in front of them. I am going to supply a positive environment fro them and I will not let dirty stuff (OCD in me) get to me so much b/c that can always be cleaned up later. Anyways, I will provide my kids with the environment they deserve. I love them with all I have.
Here is a recent picture of my loves.
Ok, now about my starting fresh. I am feeling ungodly huge today and when I got on the scale it told me why...........................264 yes 264 fricken lbs. That is about 7 lbs up from 2 weeks ago. How does one seriously do that? I have eaten fairly well, just haven't worked out so here I sit 264 lbs. My clothes are so uncomfortably tight today so I've keep my sweater on at work all day because I don't want everyone to see the belly and think I might be pregnant. Seriously if I was another girl looking at myself from the outside and seen how bloated and disgustingly fat I've gotten I would swear that they were pregnant. I wish I could use that as an excuse. I have one bad factor against me and that is my period is due later this week so that is about 5 additional poundage that I gain every month but goes away when it comes. My boobs feel like the weigh about 15lbs each.. NO JOKE. They don't even fit in my bra's today. I just feel like a fat sloth out there. I have given up looking in mirrors because I look disgusting and all off sudden I'm getting blemishes out of no where and I feel ugly. So today I figured I HAVE TO seriously do something about this, it start NOW!
My first plan is to go to the gym after the trio goes to bed and start working out there again and if that falls thru or on the nights it can't happen I am going to walk/run on the treadmill at home (for instance tomorrow night my hubby has darts to I can't go to the gym so I'll do the treadmill at home). My biggest problem is making sure the kids are calm & In bed before I sneak out. Then it's something called motivation. So tonight I am going to get there about 8pm and do 45 mins to an hour cardio and then an hour of weight training. Weight training tonight will be legs, because I love working out my legs.
I really hope I have better news and that I can up date with how I am following thru with my promises.....
Until next time...............
Monday, October 13, 2014
Failed Part II
Well again I started doing Focus T25 and did awesome the first 4 days and then BAM I hit the damn wall. I got tied up on things to do Friday evening and never get to do the double day work outs and I haven't tried the stretch video that is suppose to be done on Sundays. UGH, I don't understand why my motivation will not last. I get so pumped in the beginning and shoot I don't even get thru a week before I get put behind from life. That also is no great excuse because the workouts are only 25 mins a day. I've even tired getting up early in the AM to do it but I cannot resit the urge to hit that snooze button.
I've got to figure out something because of right now I'm doomed to be fat & out of shape for the rest of my life & for someone that is a former athlete that is hard. I have to figure out what works for me and obviously these videos or eating certain stuff just isn't my cup of tea. I come to realize that going to the gym has always worked for me and it actually is something that I really enjoy to do. I think it has to do with the fact that it makes me feel like I have to go & if I don't I'm letting someone down (even though it's just me I'd be letting down) but the gym has always given me that accountability. The only problem now is with the gym I have to find time and I cannot have the kids with me, so with me working FT and the kids in school FT I would never see them if I went to the gym after work. My only other option is to go after they go to bed & yes I will be later, but that might just work. I've tried the before work but they don't open till 5am and my hubby leaves for work at 6:20-6:30 so I would only have about an hour to work out and I need at least 2 hours. Who know maybe I'll start doing the after bed time gym time. I stopped before because my hubby always made me feel so guilty about leaving and the kids weren't asleep yet, but I really think this my work.
Ugh, I've noticed I have gotten really lazy in my old age. I am only 39 but my body hurts and I have absolutely no energy. Gee, what I would do to get back what I had even 6-8 years ago. Kids & age truly zap the energy out of you. They weren't kidding there.
Oh and another thing I was thinking of starting up was walking for an hour on the treadmill when watching my shows at night. I figured its not like my running but it's a start and something. I will have to get back and let you know what this lazy butt has decided to do.
I am truly getting sick of looking at myself in the mirror. I went out Friday night "Date Night" with the hubbywith no kids for our 9th Anniversary and I was feeling a bit confident on some stuff I was going to wear out, but when I got home and put on my jeans (that usually are loose & I'm always pulling up) they felt tight in the butt/waist/thighs and then I put on a couple shirts and I felt like a fat ass slob!! I felt disgusting (kinda like I'm feeling today). My work clothes aren't fitting to comfy today so this morning I had Greek yogurt with granola and then a banana for mid morning snack & for lunch a chocolate Shakeology (with banana & almonds) and I had a small/medium size bowl of beef veggie & rice soup and I have been so bloated and feeling over stuffed since. Then I craved and bought this candy corn cookie they had and OMG, so good, but officially put me over the edge to the point I cannot drink my water cuz there is no room. Why do I torture my body, why oh why?!?!?!??!
Well I gotta get going. Until next time......
I've got to figure out something because of right now I'm doomed to be fat & out of shape for the rest of my life & for someone that is a former athlete that is hard. I have to figure out what works for me and obviously these videos or eating certain stuff just isn't my cup of tea. I come to realize that going to the gym has always worked for me and it actually is something that I really enjoy to do. I think it has to do with the fact that it makes me feel like I have to go & if I don't I'm letting someone down (even though it's just me I'd be letting down) but the gym has always given me that accountability. The only problem now is with the gym I have to find time and I cannot have the kids with me, so with me working FT and the kids in school FT I would never see them if I went to the gym after work. My only other option is to go after they go to bed & yes I will be later, but that might just work. I've tried the before work but they don't open till 5am and my hubby leaves for work at 6:20-6:30 so I would only have about an hour to work out and I need at least 2 hours. Who know maybe I'll start doing the after bed time gym time. I stopped before because my hubby always made me feel so guilty about leaving and the kids weren't asleep yet, but I really think this my work.
Ugh, I've noticed I have gotten really lazy in my old age. I am only 39 but my body hurts and I have absolutely no energy. Gee, what I would do to get back what I had even 6-8 years ago. Kids & age truly zap the energy out of you. They weren't kidding there.
Oh and another thing I was thinking of starting up was walking for an hour on the treadmill when watching my shows at night. I figured its not like my running but it's a start and something. I will have to get back and let you know what this lazy butt has decided to do.
I am truly getting sick of looking at myself in the mirror. I went out Friday night "Date Night" with the hubby
Well I gotta get going. Until next time......
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Starting Over
I had to restart my Focus T25 because just a lot of stuff came up at the end of week one the first time around. Some stuff was my last day at the job and then that following Monday I started my new job and just trying to get myself acquainted to the new routine and getting the kids onto a new one it took a lot out of me. There are of course a bunch of other stuff going on right now and I'm under a lot of stress so I have to say that Life got in the way last week and I quit.
I am happy to report though that yesterday I started T25 again and I completed Day 1 alpha Cardio and although it was an a*s kicker it was not as hard as the first time around. I also pushed myself a little bit harder. I woke up yesterday and got my fat butt on the scale (first time in over a week) and I was weighing in at a whopping 260.6 lbs.. Yes, I gained almost 7 lbs in over a week and a half. I knew some it was because my period was due (which came yesterday) and some due to all the beer drunk over the weekend. So I weighed myself this morning and was at 257.3, still not happy with it, but better then yesterday (a little). I am determined to get myself under the 250 mark by Halloween, heck if more I'd be ecstatic.. So I have 31 1/2 days to reach my goal and I WILL if I faithfully follow T25 for the next 10 weeks.
I have no "big" plans over the next few weeks, this past weekend was Jake's 3rd birthday so we celebrated Friday night & then we had our 1st annual block party on Saturday (so lots of drinking) anyways I will not be drinking any alcohol over the next several weeks (I know that there will be drinking on Halloween). If I do well I may allow myself a glass of wine or two on the pumpkin carving parties that we have coming up next month. I am going to stick to my healthy eating. Come on its only 10 weeks and only 25 mins 5 x a week of my commitment and my faithful, enthusiasm. I CAN and I WILL do this.
So 10 weeks from yesterday is 12/1/14 which will be my final week of the T25 and I will be down 10lbs or more and several inches off the waist. I will be going into the Holidays feeling great about myself and will be trying to reduce a lot of stress that is being put on me lately over the next several months. I don't know how or what I'm going to do but I will try my hardest to accomplish my goals.
That is about all folks. The kids are doing great and wonderful at school. Within that past couple weeks they have learned a lot & I'm impressed with their new school. Joey does occasionally tell me that he misses his old school and wants to go back. But within three days of starting school he learned the National Anthem. Jake & Addi are also learning colors & counting. Yes, Addisyn is not as advanced as Joey, but she's going strong. I'm loving the new job and so glad that I have been giving this opportunity with them. I am very grateful.
Until next time...............
I am happy to report though that yesterday I started T25 again and I completed Day 1 alpha Cardio and although it was an a*s kicker it was not as hard as the first time around. I also pushed myself a little bit harder. I woke up yesterday and got my fat butt on the scale (first time in over a week) and I was weighing in at a whopping 260.6 lbs.. Yes, I gained almost 7 lbs in over a week and a half. I knew some it was because my period was due (which came yesterday) and some due to all the beer drunk over the weekend. So I weighed myself this morning and was at 257.3, still not happy with it, but better then yesterday (a little). I am determined to get myself under the 250 mark by Halloween, heck if more I'd be ecstatic.. So I have 31 1/2 days to reach my goal and I WILL if I faithfully follow T25 for the next 10 weeks.
I have no "big" plans over the next few weeks, this past weekend was Jake's 3rd birthday so we celebrated Friday night & then we had our 1st annual block party on Saturday (so lots of drinking) anyways I will not be drinking any alcohol over the next several weeks (I know that there will be drinking on Halloween). If I do well I may allow myself a glass of wine or two on the pumpkin carving parties that we have coming up next month. I am going to stick to my healthy eating. Come on its only 10 weeks and only 25 mins 5 x a week of my commitment and my faithful, enthusiasm. I CAN and I WILL do this.
So 10 weeks from yesterday is 12/1/14 which will be my final week of the T25 and I will be down 10lbs or more and several inches off the waist. I will be going into the Holidays feeling great about myself and will be trying to reduce a lot of stress that is being put on me lately over the next several months. I don't know how or what I'm going to do but I will try my hardest to accomplish my goals.
That is about all folks. The kids are doing great and wonderful at school. Within that past couple weeks they have learned a lot & I'm impressed with their new school. Joey does occasionally tell me that he misses his old school and wants to go back. But within three days of starting school he learned the National Anthem. Jake & Addi are also learning colors & counting. Yes, Addisyn is not as advanced as Joey, but she's going strong. I'm loving the new job and so glad that I have been giving this opportunity with them. I am very grateful.
Until next time...............
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
T25 Starts
Ok, I'm sorry it's been a while since I've posted, but in all honesty there hasn't been that much to post about. I will give you a sum up of what's been going on.
I have been slacking on my workouts, but eating has still been mostly healthy (I'm proud to say). I have started the T25 workout program from Beachbody yesterday. The program is healthy eating and 25 minutes 5x a week workouts. There is absolutely NO slacking in the workouts. I did my first one last night while dinner was cooking and it was a non-stop 25 mins straight of cardio, heart pumping cardio. I honestly have to say it was hard, but I felt great afterwards and I cannot wait for Day 2 tonight. I got on the scale yesterday morning for the first time in weeks and was kinda disappointed in what it said (258.1), but I know a lot of it had to do with water weight. I got on the scale again this morning just for shits N giggles and it said 253.1 so 5 lbs down from yesterday I would definitely say YES it was water retention.
Other things that have happened since my last post. I have received another job offer and I start 9/22/14 and I am very excited. This is going to be a great opportunity for myself and I can advance myself in other things (not to mention the pay was way better then now, $7,000 raise). The new company has so much more to offer me for the future and I hope I do well and this will become a place I can retire from (Oh my, I don't want to think that I'm getting old). So this week I am saying farewell to my current employer.
The trio are loving school (Pre-K & preschool). They are learning so much already. I'm so proud of them. Addisyn has started tap/ballet this past Saturday and she did really good for her first day. The boys have been asking what they are going to do (since Addi had dance class) so we are looking to see if there are any soccer leagues still open.
Well folks that's about all right now! I will update more (I will be really busy starting next week with the new job) but I will try to get on at night time and update on how my T25 is going for the next 10 weeks.
Until next time.......
I have been slacking on my workouts, but eating has still been mostly healthy (I'm proud to say). I have started the T25 workout program from Beachbody yesterday. The program is healthy eating and 25 minutes 5x a week workouts. There is absolutely NO slacking in the workouts. I did my first one last night while dinner was cooking and it was a non-stop 25 mins straight of cardio, heart pumping cardio. I honestly have to say it was hard, but I felt great afterwards and I cannot wait for Day 2 tonight. I got on the scale yesterday morning for the first time in weeks and was kinda disappointed in what it said (258.1), but I know a lot of it had to do with water weight. I got on the scale again this morning just for shits N giggles and it said 253.1 so 5 lbs down from yesterday I would definitely say YES it was water retention.
Other things that have happened since my last post. I have received another job offer and I start 9/22/14 and I am very excited. This is going to be a great opportunity for myself and I can advance myself in other things (not to mention the pay was way better then now, $7,000 raise). The new company has so much more to offer me for the future and I hope I do well and this will become a place I can retire from (Oh my, I don't want to think that I'm getting old). So this week I am saying farewell to my current employer.
The trio are loving school (Pre-K & preschool). They are learning so much already. I'm so proud of them. Addisyn has started tap/ballet this past Saturday and she did really good for her first day. The boys have been asking what they are going to do (since Addi had dance class) so we are looking to see if there are any soccer leagues still open.
Well folks that's about all right now! I will update more (I will be really busy starting next week with the new job) but I will try to get on at night time and update on how my T25 is going for the next 10 weeks.
Until next time.......
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Life throws to many curve balls!!
Well a lot has happened/changed since posting my last update. I have deleted my 30 Day Challenge Clean Eating group and the reason being that there were not enough people dedicated into changing their life to a healthier one. I felt like I was motivating myself & at time talking to myself. I was wasting way to much time in the group when all my energy can be directed else where like on three little munchkins. That's not to say I'm going to stop clean eating myself because I am not.
Another change is last minute we found our parish has all day preschool for the trio Monday-Friday 8am-2:30pm, so we looked into it last week and the priest offered us a discount so we did the math and this is the best way for us. This will be $900 a month compared to what it would have been if they were to preschool at the one they've been at for 2 years now. We would have been paying $760 for full time child care (add gas expenses for her to drive the kids) and then I'm estimating at the least $500.00 a month for school. So do the math it's $1260.00 so we're saving $360 give or take a month. The reason we needed full time child care for them with the old school is because they'd be in school only certain days a week for only 2-2.5 hours a day. This way they will have more time throughout the day to learn more & play more. They will be going to elementary school here anyways so this will help get them acquainted with the school and children. Heck, you never know maybe this is where they'll meet there life long best friends, kinda like my friend Amy and I we met in Preschool. How awesome is that?!?!?! So with choosing this options we had to break bad news to the baby sitter, which thankfully she took much better then expected.
We had to cancel karate for the twins, because we just found out the price went up a lot since they moved up a class and with all going on we cannot afford it right now. It's just so depressing & I get terribly upset thinking about it. I did sign Addisyn up for ballet/tap now which starts 9/13 because it is only $48 a month, but if things get worse she'll have to stop that. I don't understand why everything cost an arm & leg, they tell you to get your kids involved in extracurricular activities, but how can you afford it??? I'm so sick of hearing, seeing or talking about money right now. We are broke and all cuz we want to sent our kids to school. The twins definitely have to go because this is Pre-K or they won't get into kindergarten. WHATEVER!!! So for the next 9 months we are going to be penny pinching badly.
I had to postpone my Shakeology order till at least November and see if things pick up by then, if not have to cancel it all together. Why does everything have to hit at ounce, like every bill imaginable. I don't even know what to do. We barely have enough for groceries & the kids need lunch packed every day now.
I almost wish I could just run away or shut my eyes and when I open them it'll be all over and we'll be back on our feet again. Life has a funny way of throwing those curve balls and I can not hit them, never could hit curve balls.
Well that's about it for now. Until next time.
Another change is last minute we found our parish has all day preschool for the trio Monday-Friday 8am-2:30pm, so we looked into it last week and the priest offered us a discount so we did the math and this is the best way for us. This will be $900 a month compared to what it would have been if they were to preschool at the one they've been at for 2 years now. We would have been paying $760 for full time child care (add gas expenses for her to drive the kids) and then I'm estimating at the least $500.00 a month for school. So do the math it's $1260.00 so we're saving $360 give or take a month. The reason we needed full time child care for them with the old school is because they'd be in school only certain days a week for only 2-2.5 hours a day. This way they will have more time throughout the day to learn more & play more. They will be going to elementary school here anyways so this will help get them acquainted with the school and children. Heck, you never know maybe this is where they'll meet there life long best friends, kinda like my friend Amy and I we met in Preschool. How awesome is that?!?!?! So with choosing this options we had to break bad news to the baby sitter, which thankfully she took much better then expected.
We had to cancel karate for the twins, because we just found out the price went up a lot since they moved up a class and with all going on we cannot afford it right now. It's just so depressing & I get terribly upset thinking about it. I did sign Addisyn up for ballet/tap now which starts 9/13 because it is only $48 a month, but if things get worse she'll have to stop that. I don't understand why everything cost an arm & leg, they tell you to get your kids involved in extracurricular activities, but how can you afford it??? I'm so sick of hearing, seeing or talking about money right now. We are broke and all cuz we want to sent our kids to school. The twins definitely have to go because this is Pre-K or they won't get into kindergarten. WHATEVER!!! So for the next 9 months we are going to be penny pinching badly.
I had to postpone my Shakeology order till at least November and see if things pick up by then, if not have to cancel it all together. Why does everything have to hit at ounce, like every bill imaginable. I don't even know what to do. We barely have enough for groceries & the kids need lunch packed every day now.
I almost wish I could just run away or shut my eyes and when I open them it'll be all over and we'll be back on our feet again. Life has a funny way of throwing those curve balls and I can not hit them, never could hit curve balls.
Well that's about it for now. Until next time.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
New workout Challenge coming
I have decided on my next Beachbody challenge purchase and it is going to be PIYo because I have heard nothing but great things on it. I understand it is easy on your joints/bones and for someone like me with knee & back issues, it won't hurt me to try it. I will say it does go against everything I HATE such as Pilate's & yoga but I am going to break down & try it.
If you are interested in learning more about PiYo or any other program they have please visit my Beachbody coaching site to learn more about them. I have to say I was alittle worried about price especially on the shakeology, but wanted to try it really bad, so I signed up to become a coach when I was ready because of the discounts you get on the products. Coaching does have its initial set up fee then it is about $15 a month which for the discounts you get is not bad at all. This is coming from someone that isn't made of money either. If you are better then me and sign up as a coach and can get people to purchase items then you can have your monthly payments for the shakeology covered from the commission you will receive. After being a coach basically for the discount I decided realized how good I felt and wanted to let others know and be able to feel this good too, so I decided to try to get people on board to better themselves and feel better and healthier. If anyone is interested in learning more on becoming a coach contact me.
On another note, my stuffed peppers last night for dinner was a success. My kids even enjoyed them.
Turkey Stuffed Peppers
I had one for lunch today and for breakfast I had strawberry shakeology with a banana & blue berries & almond milk (yummy). I do not know what is on the dinner menu yet, haven't given it much thought. I will think of something by the time I get home. I did complete the Total Body Cardio Fix (from 21 Day Fix) last night. Man, that really busts your butt & best of all it's only 30 minutes long so it goes fast. I'm not sure which video I'm doing tonight, but will update you tomorrow. I will (as long as the rain holds out) take the trio for another long walk after dinner (before bedtime).
I have noticed that I am sleeping so much better lately. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow and I am in a deep, deep sleep all night. Even if my kids wake me up or I have to use the bathroom, I feel like I'm sleep walking when I get up. If clean eating & exercise are the reason behind this then I can do it forever!!!
Well until next time, stay healthy!!!!!!
If you are interested in learning more about PiYo or any other program they have please visit my Beachbody coaching site to learn more about them. I have to say I was alittle worried about price especially on the shakeology, but wanted to try it really bad, so I signed up to become a coach when I was ready because of the discounts you get on the products. Coaching does have its initial set up fee then it is about $15 a month which for the discounts you get is not bad at all. This is coming from someone that isn't made of money either. If you are better then me and sign up as a coach and can get people to purchase items then you can have your monthly payments for the shakeology covered from the commission you will receive. After being a coach basically for the discount I decided realized how good I felt and wanted to let others know and be able to feel this good too, so I decided to try to get people on board to better themselves and feel better and healthier. If anyone is interested in learning more on becoming a coach contact me.
On another note, my stuffed peppers last night for dinner was a success. My kids even enjoyed them.
Turkey Stuffed Peppers
I had one for lunch today and for breakfast I had strawberry shakeology with a banana & blue berries & almond milk (yummy). I do not know what is on the dinner menu yet, haven't given it much thought. I will think of something by the time I get home. I did complete the Total Body Cardio Fix (from 21 Day Fix) last night. Man, that really busts your butt & best of all it's only 30 minutes long so it goes fast. I'm not sure which video I'm doing tonight, but will update you tomorrow. I will (as long as the rain holds out) take the trio for another long walk after dinner (before bedtime).
I have noticed that I am sleeping so much better lately. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow and I am in a deep, deep sleep all night. Even if my kids wake me up or I have to use the bathroom, I feel like I'm sleep walking when I get up. If clean eating & exercise are the reason behind this then I can do it forever!!!
Well until next time, stay healthy!!!!!!
Monday, August 18, 2014
Monday's come to fast
Well I had a very productive weekend. We stayed home from the Lake and cleaned house. Friday night the twins had their new karate class at 6:30 so we didn't get home till about 8pm. We ate dinner at my parents, which I was a good girl and made my first salad in a jar and brought my dinner so I stuck to my clean eating. I was in bed that night by 8:30, I was exhausted. I woke up Saturday feeling great and refreshed. We lazied around until about 10am when the cleaning started & then we all took late naps and then went to the grocery store for some dinner items which we made chicken kabobs and my DH & daughter enjoyed a steak & we had Couscous and corn on the cob. Then we started a fire and sat around with the neighbors playing games. Everyone was in bed by about 10-10:30, but I stayed up till about 11:30 that night. Sunday we cleaned our bedroom (if anyone has seen it they understand why it was such a chore). I did 8 loads of laundry, but proud to say all laundry is complete for the week & that just gives you so much satisfaction. We wanted to take the trio to a event called Touch a Truck sponsored by The Cleveland Metro Parks, but it was raining which of course tapered off about an a half hour after the event started which was to late by then. So we spent the day fixing things and grocery shopping.
I didn't get any workouts in for the weekend, but I ate wonderful and figured all the cleaning and moving around I was doing was some sort of workout. I will be doing one of the 21 day fix videos tonight (just not sure which one yet) I'm thinking about total body cardio. I'm also going to take the trio out for a walk after dinner. I missed my morning run but not sure if I'll make it up tonight or just wait and get up on the AM and do my Tuesday run.
Anyways, things have been going great on my 30 Day Clean Eating Challenge, I was alittle upset to see I only lost a little over a pound in a week, because at the end of the weekend I was at 4.2lbs lost, but some reason I am feeling bloated or like I'm retaining water today. Oh well, I will not let that get to me and I will move one & just work harder this week. I still have to take my measurements (I forgot) I did my before photos & weight.
So as I've mentioned before this is my first challenge running on my own & I am a bit disappointed that I do not have as much activity as I wanted and that it seems like there have already been a lot of people that have fallen off and just are not motivated to a new healthy you. I do understand (from personal experience) how HARD it is to make this change and how different it is from what you're use to eating. Trust me I'm a full-time working mom to three very young kids and it does take more effort in making dinners and such, but in the end I am proud of my results and I am proud of what I know my kids are putting in their mouths. With the way I've been feeling lately and a change I've noticed in myself I will and am very willing to continue putting extra time into making clean meals for my family & I. If there are days that we'll be rushed I "try" to get meals done before hand so we are not rushed to eat out. It takes a lot of dedication and willingness to WANT to succeed and sadly I know some people have more of it then others. All I would love for anyone to know is that it takes team work, dedications, motivation and more then just a week to see results and to see what a difference it makes and to realize this is much better then all that processed foods we've been feeding ourselves which in turn put 100 plus pounds on me. I wish there was an easy way to show people, but I guess it'll have to be the BEST way "show by example." I kinda got a bit frustrated from so many quitters, but everyone is different and have different things going on.
Any who, that is enough of that. This is a new week and it's going to be an even better one then last!!! Until next time hope everything is well!!!!
I didn't get any workouts in for the weekend, but I ate wonderful and figured all the cleaning and moving around I was doing was some sort of workout. I will be doing one of the 21 day fix videos tonight (just not sure which one yet) I'm thinking about total body cardio. I'm also going to take the trio out for a walk after dinner. I missed my morning run but not sure if I'll make it up tonight or just wait and get up on the AM and do my Tuesday run.
Anyways, things have been going great on my 30 Day Clean Eating Challenge, I was alittle upset to see I only lost a little over a pound in a week, because at the end of the weekend I was at 4.2lbs lost, but some reason I am feeling bloated or like I'm retaining water today. Oh well, I will not let that get to me and I will move one & just work harder this week. I still have to take my measurements (I forgot) I did my before photos & weight.
So as I've mentioned before this is my first challenge running on my own & I am a bit disappointed that I do not have as much activity as I wanted and that it seems like there have already been a lot of people that have fallen off and just are not motivated to a new healthy you. I do understand (from personal experience) how HARD it is to make this change and how different it is from what you're use to eating. Trust me I'm a full-time working mom to three very young kids and it does take more effort in making dinners and such, but in the end I am proud of my results and I am proud of what I know my kids are putting in their mouths. With the way I've been feeling lately and a change I've noticed in myself I will and am very willing to continue putting extra time into making clean meals for my family & I. If there are days that we'll be rushed I "try" to get meals done before hand so we are not rushed to eat out. It takes a lot of dedication and willingness to WANT to succeed and sadly I know some people have more of it then others. All I would love for anyone to know is that it takes team work, dedications, motivation and more then just a week to see results and to see what a difference it makes and to realize this is much better then all that processed foods we've been feeding ourselves which in turn put 100 plus pounds on me. I wish there was an easy way to show people, but I guess it'll have to be the BEST way "show by example." I kinda got a bit frustrated from so many quitters, but everyone is different and have different things going on.
Any who, that is enough of that. This is a new week and it's going to be an even better one then last!!! Until next time hope everything is well!!!!
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Wednesday = Hump Day
Today is day 3 of my Clean Eating Challenge and I want to say I feel good! I have absolutely stuck to the clean eating and I don't feel bloated nor sluggish. I'm starting to like this eating habits. I will have to admit is if more time consuming because I have to make everything from scratch, but it's a good thing I like cooking especially new stuff. My kids have done well with eating everything I've made these past couple days and my DH (which he surprised me the most, but he wants to try it and it's on his own will). My kids also loved the breakfast I mentioned in my other post (Berry Banana Oatmeal bake), it was all gone when I got home Monday (so much for having it for breakfast the next day) I've been having shakeology for breakfast the last two days.
Yesterday I got up early before work and ran for 33 mins on the treadmill then after the kids went to bed I did my Upper Body Fix and then went to bed feeling great, but this morning when I went to get up and run my back is very stiff and sore so I couldn't do it. I'm not going to let that stop me though and I will do my Lower Body Fix tonight. Oh and I also took the trio on a 45 minute walk after dinner last night in hopes to tire them out and get some exercise in for me. It worked, LOL!
So, this morning I was searching thru my closet for something to wear to work and I came across a pair of pants that I have not worn in 5-6 years (right before I became pregnant with the twins) and I decided to put them on (because I saw they were the size my other pants I'm wearing are) and the sad part is they fit, they are loose where I have to keep pulling them up, but last time I wore them I had to pin the waist so they stay up (no belt loops for a belt). Even though that was depressing it was also a huge motivator for myself. I am determined to never be able to wear these pants again because there will not be enough pins in the world to hold them up. I can and I will do this no matter what it takes and even through all the pain I'm experiencing. My back is still acting up and it is really getting to me because it is limiting my daily activities. I was thinking this morning that hopefully loosing this weight will help termendouly even though I know because of my back surgeries even being in shape and fit I still have pain, but not as much, but it could be too that I'm getting older so that pain will be more constant. Growing old is scary and wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't in constant pain :-(
Well that's about it for today! Hope all is well and remember if you're still thinking about wanting to join my challenge there is still time even though it started you can still come aboard.
Yesterday I got up early before work and ran for 33 mins on the treadmill then after the kids went to bed I did my Upper Body Fix and then went to bed feeling great, but this morning when I went to get up and run my back is very stiff and sore so I couldn't do it. I'm not going to let that stop me though and I will do my Lower Body Fix tonight. Oh and I also took the trio on a 45 minute walk after dinner last night in hopes to tire them out and get some exercise in for me. It worked, LOL!
So, this morning I was searching thru my closet for something to wear to work and I came across a pair of pants that I have not worn in 5-6 years (right before I became pregnant with the twins) and I decided to put them on (because I saw they were the size my other pants I'm wearing are) and the sad part is they fit, they are loose where I have to keep pulling them up, but last time I wore them I had to pin the waist so they stay up (no belt loops for a belt). Even though that was depressing it was also a huge motivator for myself. I am determined to never be able to wear these pants again because there will not be enough pins in the world to hold them up. I can and I will do this no matter what it takes and even through all the pain I'm experiencing. My back is still acting up and it is really getting to me because it is limiting my daily activities. I was thinking this morning that hopefully loosing this weight will help termendouly even though I know because of my back surgeries even being in shape and fit I still have pain, but not as much, but it could be too that I'm getting older so that pain will be more constant. Growing old is scary and wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't in constant pain :-(
Well that's about it for today! Hope all is well and remember if you're still thinking about wanting to join my challenge there is still time even though it started you can still come aboard.
Monday, August 11, 2014
30 Day Clean Eating Challenge
Today is the start of my very first group that I created. I'm very excited to start this not only for myself and my family, but also for my friends and our quest to health!! This morning I made breakfast for all of us and it was
Berry Banana Oatmeal bake
I thought it was simple and required most ingredients that you have laying around the house. The only thing was it took 40 mins to bake, so this is definitely something that you'd wanna make the night before (if you work). It was tasty and the best part is the kids enjoyed it too. If there is any left over when I get home that will be my breakfast for tomorrow. For lunch I have a chocolate shakeology with PB2 and almond milk & talk about delicious and plus it craves any sweet tooth I currently might have, but sweet usually isn't my craving it's salt that gets me every time. For dinner I was planning on making Greek stuffed chicken, but because my twins karate has changed days & times I'm not going to get home till about 7:30 tonight so I might make something a little bit easier for a quick dinner.
I was suppose to get up and run on the treadmill for 30 mins this morning but yesterday my Sunday night team was in the playoffs and we won all the way up to the championship game (which we lost) so we had to play back to back three games in a row. I was hurting a little this morning, so I skipped my run. I am going to do Lower Body Fix (from 21 Day Fix, Beachbody) tonight and then start my running tomorrow morning. Since we won't be going to the trailer this weekend (to save some money) I can make up my running day from today.
On this 30 day challenge my goals are to lose up to 15lbs and to encourage others that all it takes sometimes is A LOT of discipline and motivation. I want to be an example of someone that struggled but put my mind to it and became sick of being overweight and unhealthy and came back and is now healthy and happy.
Until next time.... Enjoy!
Berry Banana Oatmeal bake
I thought it was simple and required most ingredients that you have laying around the house. The only thing was it took 40 mins to bake, so this is definitely something that you'd wanna make the night before (if you work). It was tasty and the best part is the kids enjoyed it too. If there is any left over when I get home that will be my breakfast for tomorrow. For lunch I have a chocolate shakeology with PB2 and almond milk & talk about delicious and plus it craves any sweet tooth I currently might have, but sweet usually isn't my craving it's salt that gets me every time. For dinner I was planning on making Greek stuffed chicken, but because my twins karate has changed days & times I'm not going to get home till about 7:30 tonight so I might make something a little bit easier for a quick dinner.
I was suppose to get up and run on the treadmill for 30 mins this morning but yesterday my Sunday night team was in the playoffs and we won all the way up to the championship game (which we lost) so we had to play back to back three games in a row. I was hurting a little this morning, so I skipped my run. I am going to do Lower Body Fix (from 21 Day Fix, Beachbody) tonight and then start my running tomorrow morning. Since we won't be going to the trailer this weekend (to save some money) I can make up my running day from today.
On this 30 day challenge my goals are to lose up to 15lbs and to encourage others that all it takes sometimes is A LOT of discipline and motivation. I want to be an example of someone that struggled but put my mind to it and became sick of being overweight and unhealthy and came back and is now healthy and happy.
Until next time.... Enjoy!
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
First Challenge
So I created my first Challenge on FB (Facebook) as a beachbody coach, and I'm excited but nervous a bit at the same time. Starting 8/11/14 I will be hosting a 30 Day Clean Eating challenge (anyone can join and best of all is its FREE). Basically for 30 days you have to eat clean foods such as no processed foods. People will be amazed at how energized they will feel and not so bloated. I cannot wait because I've kinda let myself go the last week and it is showing. I know I've gained some weight (have been to afraid to get on the scale (will Monday morning) but I know I have because my clothes are feeling really tight). 30 Day Clean Eating Challenge <- this is the link to the challenge page.
This is my goal starting next week. I am going to run on the treadmill (body pain permitting) no less then 3 days a week. I will be getting up Early on the days that the babysitter comes to our house and run. Then no less then 5 times a week I will do my 21 Day Fix workout video's. I bought a daily planner and before Monday I'm going to write down my meal for the next 30 days and stick to them. I will make the meals a week ahead of time. DH and I are going to Cedar Point on 9/6/14 and I WILL fit onto all the rides this time, I have no more time for embarrassment. Yes, the last time he & I went I got turned down on at least 2 rides that I can recall b/c the seats wouldn't close all the way (how embarrassing to have to walk off the ride with everyone staring). I know I have lost weight since them, but I don't know if it's enough. So my motivation is Cedar Point (we already bought the tickets). I think that is good motivation along with all my other motivations to get rid of this flab.
I really don't understand what is going on with my body (besides getting old) but this weekend I threw my back out again. On Saturday we were having a cook out so I was standing making lots of food and my back was sore, but it got worse as the day went on and then the past 3 days have been bad. Just add that to my knee's still hurting really bad. I really want to exercise but at least my back has not allowed me to do so. I swear something just doesn't want me to workout and get strong and healthy. That's the way I see it. If it isn't one thing it's another. I will concur this and I will get thru it like always.
I'm just so ready to get healthy and fit. I really would like to get to the point I was PC (pre-Chris) when I was 175lbs and a size 7 (see picture), Before these pictures I weighed 210 lbs and started dating a guy that got me to be a running/gym rat and eat healthy & felt GREAT! I was much younger then and easier to get in this shape, but what I wouldn't do to be like this again.
This is my goal starting next week. I am going to run on the treadmill (body pain permitting) no less then 3 days a week. I will be getting up Early on the days that the babysitter comes to our house and run. Then no less then 5 times a week I will do my 21 Day Fix workout video's. I bought a daily planner and before Monday I'm going to write down my meal for the next 30 days and stick to them. I will make the meals a week ahead of time. DH and I are going to Cedar Point on 9/6/14 and I WILL fit onto all the rides this time, I have no more time for embarrassment. Yes, the last time he & I went I got turned down on at least 2 rides that I can recall b/c the seats wouldn't close all the way (how embarrassing to have to walk off the ride with everyone staring). I know I have lost weight since them, but I don't know if it's enough. So my motivation is Cedar Point (we already bought the tickets). I think that is good motivation along with all my other motivations to get rid of this flab.
I really don't understand what is going on with my body (besides getting old) but this weekend I threw my back out again. On Saturday we were having a cook out so I was standing making lots of food and my back was sore, but it got worse as the day went on and then the past 3 days have been bad. Just add that to my knee's still hurting really bad. I really want to exercise but at least my back has not allowed me to do so. I swear something just doesn't want me to workout and get strong and healthy. That's the way I see it. If it isn't one thing it's another. I will concur this and I will get thru it like always.
I'm just so ready to get healthy and fit. I really would like to get to the point I was PC (pre-Chris) when I was 175lbs and a size 7 (see picture), Before these pictures I weighed 210 lbs and started dating a guy that got me to be a running/gym rat and eat healthy & felt GREAT! I was much younger then and easier to get in this shape, but what I wouldn't do to be like this again.
Look the abs
OK, I'm going to end here with those positive photos, so that I remain positive.
Enjoy!!!!!! Also, please come join the Challenge.. Link above.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Much needed motivation!
So, I don't remember the last time I posted, but I'm sure it was last week sometime. Nothing much has changed except I am so tired/exhausted. I don't feel like doing a thing not even cooking clean/healthy meals. This weekend showed as for I ate all things bad. So, yes, I did fail with the 21 day Fix AGAIN! I am so ashamed with myself I didn't even get on a scale and I do not know when I will feel like getting on a scale again (soon at least).
A lot has happened over the weekend with the kids and (JUST) I. My twins got their purple striped belt in Karate and I was one proud momma (tears formed in my eyes). Then I took the trio so the boys can finally get haircuts (since no one else will). Then showered and got all the kids old clothes packed up in boxes to give to a friend that I promised them too. Then we headed to a birthday party. I have to say that the kids had a blast but I was just physically drained by the time I got there. Yesterday was another lazy day were we hung around in PJ's because I couldn't even get an ounce of motivation in me to change or pick a finger up to do a thing. I ordered pizza for lunch and that was dinner too. I was happy my softball game was cancelled because of rain. Then I got a tinge of energy to get up and go to Giant Eagle for a couple things and then did a load of laundry. Then of course right before bed I decided to clean out my washing/dryer machines and the kitchen. Then I slept like crap. We lost power at about 2:30am and it finally came back on around 6:30am.
So the past couple days I've been very nauseous and just wanting to puke to feel better. Last time I've felt like this I also had dizzy spells with it and my doctor diagnosed it as Vertigo. I just don't have the dizzy spells this time, so I'm not sure if it's the same thing. I just hate feeling nauseous. I'm to the point where food kinda makes my stomach turn at the thought, and I'm not hungry, but then food helps settle it for a little bit of time. Who the heck knows. Then on top of that add the complete exhaustion. NO, I am not pregnant (had the tubes times almost 3 years ago). I wish I had an answer though because I want my energy back. I often wonder if it's because I'm doing A LOT on my own and maybe it has just caught up? I have been yelling at the kids to much lately and I feel absolutely BAD about it. That's another thing is I've been so emotional as in crying at a drop of a hat. Oh and my period is due to show in 8 days so that could possibly be it too. Who in the hell knows...
When it comes to my diet, as soon as I get motivation I am going to go on my own diet for a couple weeks and do my work out video and see how that goes. I don't know what's wrong with me... Sometimes I justHATE myself. Sometimes I just feel like a huge pushover to everyone and that no one takes me serious or cares if I do or don't do anything. No one ever wants to hang out anymore or even bothers to call to ask me or my kids and I to hang. I just don't think anyone likes to hang, maybe I'm that boring/idiotic or whatever. I have to correct and say there is one friend out there that listens.
OK, I gotta go this is making me cry. Don't you ever wish that there was someone out there that you can "talk" to that won't judge you & will listen to you & offer kind words of advice or heck just let you vent & doesn't make you feel like an idiot for feeling/doing what you do.
Until next time..................
A lot has happened over the weekend with the kids and (JUST) I. My twins got their purple striped belt in Karate and I was one proud momma (tears formed in my eyes). Then I took the trio so the boys can finally get haircuts (
So the past couple days I've been very nauseous and just wanting to puke to feel better. Last time I've felt like this I also had dizzy spells with it and my doctor diagnosed it as Vertigo. I just don't have the dizzy spells this time, so I'm not sure if it's the same thing. I just hate feeling nauseous. I'm to the point where food kinda makes my stomach turn at the thought, and I'm not hungry, but then food helps settle it for a little bit of time. Who the heck knows. Then on top of that add the complete exhaustion. NO, I am not pregnant (had the tubes times almost 3 years ago). I wish I had an answer though because I want my energy back. I often wonder if it's because I'm doing A LOT on my own and maybe it has just caught up? I have been yelling at the kids to much lately and I feel absolutely BAD about it. That's another thing is I've been so emotional as in crying at a drop of a hat. Oh and my period is due to show in 8 days so that could possibly be it too. Who in the hell knows...
When it comes to my diet, as soon as I get motivation I am going to go on my own diet for a couple weeks and do my work out video and see how that goes. I don't know what's wrong with me... Sometimes I just
OK, I gotta go this is making me cry. Don't you ever wish that there was someone out there that you can "talk" to that won't judge you & will listen to you & offer kind words of advice or heck just let you vent & doesn't make you feel like an idiot for feeling/doing what you do.
Until next time..................
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Setting myself up to fail
Yep, this person right here ate a bag of combo's all by herself for lunch. Yep the WHOLE bag & not one of those little bags. I hate myself for it, but I have absolutely no one to blame but myself once again. Along with the bag of combo's I had a strawberry Shakeology. If you wanna know why I ate this, well I do not have an answer for you, I can't even tell you what was going thru my head when I bought them & chowed down on them. The only feeling I had was pure guilt, but that didn't stop me I kept going.
So I'm suppose to be on week 3 day 3 of the 21 day fix and I did good all the way up till recently when I gave up on myself. I always do this. I cannot be on a program, I have to eat healthy on my own & work out to succeed. I don't know why I think every time will be different & tell myself OK, maybe this time will be different, this time I will prove to myself I can to it. Well I set myself up to fail every time I do it. WHY,WHY, WHY!?!?!?!?! Yes, I'm frustrated with no one but my fat as* self. Don't get me wrong I love the 21 day fix, but I think the whole thing about only eating so many color coded containers isn't me. I can eat the food allowed ( I get that) and I understand portion sizes now, but if I want all green containers for the day but am only allowed to have 4, well I'm going to have all green containers & go over the 4. I think I've finally realized I have to do what I know works for me.
I'm going to continue doing Beachbody and getting the challenge packs for the work outs, but I don't think I'll be doing the food menu's with them. I will get great ideas for "clean" eating and use them to better my eating nutrition, but I want to eat what I want to as long as it's healthy for my body. After years of weight struggling & yo yo'ing my weight up & down so much I know what works for me and need to stick to it. I'm getting so frustrated because I have been at the same weight for a year and a half if not more. I don't understand WTH is going on. Sometimes I wish I can get a nutritionist to help me figure out a plan (not eating plan) but teach me what to look for and what not to even bother touching. I just wish I had more money & can afford something like this :-( So from here on out I am going to continue the Beachbody work out video's but eat my own schedule of clean eating. I have to say that the 21 Day Fix has taught me allot about "clean" eating and I like the way I feel when I eat the healthier foods compared to the processed unhealthy foods. We'll have to wait and see what happens.
Another note, I wish I can just get a break as in let things start working out for me in a good way. Help get all the bad luck/negativity out. I have become a completely different person lately and I DO NOT like the person I have become. I'm mean, uptight, evil & negative especially to my kids (I hate myself for that). I feel like I yell & scream all the time and I hate it. I feel so guilty when I yell at my kids, I feel like I'm going make them grow up to hate me. I wanna be who I use to be, this person I've become has scared the crap out of me. I don't know what's wrong, I don't know why I'm like this. I want my kids to love me and I want to stop being the "evil" "bad" mom. Maybe it's the lack of help I get & lack of respect, compassion, love.. I haven't heard the words "You look great/awesome/good" in who knows how long and it's depressing it's something you need to hear from time to time to let you feel good. Another thing I'd love to hear is "You are doing a wonderful job and thank you for everything you do." Is that so hard, even if it's not true heck I won't know the difference but will make me feel better about myself and not like I'm there doing everything but I am invisible to everyone. Maybe I'm crazy because I just need to hear good things sometimes to boost my spirits. Maybe I need help with things, maybe just maybe I need something!!!! I just hate who I am so much & want the old Jennie back ASAP!
OK, enough of that, I just had to be honest. I've typed enough and have gone on and on. I will end it here to spare anyone..
So I'm suppose to be on week 3 day 3 of the 21 day fix and I did good all the way up till recently when I gave up on myself. I always do this. I cannot be on a program, I have to eat healthy on my own & work out to succeed. I don't know why I think every time will be different & tell myself OK, maybe this time will be different, this time I will prove to myself I can to it. Well I set myself up to fail every time I do it. WHY,WHY, WHY!?!?!?!?! Yes, I'm frustrated with no one but my fat as* self. Don't get me wrong I love the 21 day fix, but I think the whole thing about only eating so many color coded containers isn't me. I can eat the food allowed ( I get that) and I understand portion sizes now, but if I want all green containers for the day but am only allowed to have 4, well I'm going to have all green containers & go over the 4. I think I've finally realized I have to do what I know works for me.
I'm going to continue doing Beachbody and getting the challenge packs for the work outs, but I don't think I'll be doing the food menu's with them. I will get great ideas for "clean" eating and use them to better my eating nutrition, but I want to eat what I want to as long as it's healthy for my body. After years of weight struggling & yo yo'ing my weight up & down so much I know what works for me and need to stick to it. I'm getting so frustrated because I have been at the same weight for a year and a half if not more. I don't understand WTH is going on. Sometimes I wish I can get a nutritionist to help me figure out a plan (not eating plan) but teach me what to look for and what not to even bother touching. I just wish I had more money & can afford something like this :-( So from here on out I am going to continue the Beachbody work out video's but eat my own schedule of clean eating. I have to say that the 21 Day Fix has taught me allot about "clean" eating and I like the way I feel when I eat the healthier foods compared to the processed unhealthy foods. We'll have to wait and see what happens.
Another note, I wish I can just get a break as in let things start working out for me in a good way. Help get all the bad luck/negativity out. I have become a completely different person lately and I DO NOT like the person I have become. I'm mean, uptight, evil & negative especially to my kids (I hate myself for that). I feel like I yell & scream all the time and I hate it. I feel so guilty when I yell at my kids, I feel like I'm going make them grow up to hate me. I wanna be who I use to be, this person I've become has scared the crap out of me. I don't know what's wrong, I don't know why I'm like this. I want my kids to love me and I want to stop being the "evil" "bad" mom. Maybe it's the lack of help I get & lack of respect, compassion, love.. I haven't heard the words "You look great/awesome/good" in who knows how long and it's depressing it's something you need to hear from time to time to let you feel good. Another thing I'd love to hear is "You are doing a wonderful job and thank you for everything you do." Is that so hard, even if it's not true heck I won't know the difference but will make me feel better about myself and not like I'm there doing everything but I am invisible to everyone. Maybe I'm crazy because I just need to hear good things sometimes to boost my spirits. Maybe I need help with things, maybe just maybe I need something!!!! I just hate who I am so much & want the old Jennie back ASAP!
OK, enough of that, I just had to be honest. I've typed enough and have gone on and on. I will end it here to spare anyone..
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Scales do not lie, or do they?!?!?!
The scale was a little disappointing today I got on and I am back at 252.3, UGH. This is my never ending battle. I have been trying for way over a year to get under 240 with no success. I do not understand why, why, why it won't budge. I've come so close, but never made it. I have switched up routines and diets with no success. Sometimes you wish you could just starve yourself, don't worry I know how unhealthy that is & my goal is to obtain that healthy lifestyle I had before. I know that I can probably get my diet more under control, which is why I'm doing the 21 Day Fix. It's all about clean eating and healthy choices.
I just recently read this article that I found fitting.
Dieting vs. Exercise for weightloss
I have been trying to be allot less stressed lately because I know how much that inhibits weigthloss. It's just seriously hard when you have 4 year old twins & a almost 3 year old constantly whining and doing things that they know they are not suppose to or a DH who isn't that much of a help around the house. Plus this Summer has been extremely busy now that the twins have started participating in sports. Don't get me wrong I love that they are involved and such, but sometimes it's just allot of work (now I see what my parents went thru with the three of us, LOL). I know it's only going to get worse when they start being on different teams. Plus this Fall the twins will be in Pre-K and Jake will be starting Preschool. My babies are growing up to fast :-( Here is a recent picture of them.
This is from a birthday party this past Saturday. 7/12/14!
Well back to dieting... I am going to & I mean going to do the Lower Body Fix tonight (no BS excuses) and I'm not sure what I'm making for dinner yet. Last night I made Crunchy Honey Garlic pork chops (yum, yum, yum) and steamed broccoli & cauliflower.
Until next time......................
I just recently read this article that I found fitting.
Dieting vs. Exercise for weightloss
I have been trying to be allot less stressed lately because I know how much that inhibits weigthloss. It's just seriously hard when you have 4 year old twins & a almost 3 year old constantly whining and doing things that they know they are not suppose to or a DH who isn't that much of a help around the house. Plus this Summer has been extremely busy now that the twins have started participating in sports. Don't get me wrong I love that they are involved and such, but sometimes it's just allot of work (now I see what my parents went thru with the three of us, LOL). I know it's only going to get worse when they start being on different teams. Plus this Fall the twins will be in Pre-K and Jake will be starting Preschool. My babies are growing up to fast :-( Here is a recent picture of them.
Well back to dieting... I am going to & I mean going to do the Lower Body Fix tonight (no BS excuses) and I'm not sure what I'm making for dinner yet. Last night I made Crunchy Honey Garlic pork chops (yum, yum, yum) and steamed broccoli & cauliflower.
Until next time......................
Monday, July 14, 2014
Week 2
Today is the start of my week 2 on the 21 Day Fix and I thought I did great this weekend, but when I got on the scale it said other wise. I was weighing in at 252.2 again. UGH, I really don't understand my weight and what the hell it's doing. Anyways, I put my head up and moved on so far today. I will be doing the Lower Body Fix tonight (finally) and might add in another work out to make up for not working out this weekend, seriously my weekend was jammed packed with running everywhere but home.
So far I've had a Strawberry Shakeology with blueberries and for lunch I had a salad. So far I've used a red container & 3 green containers & an orange. I did bring snacks with me which was a peach & a kiwi and two hard boiled eggs, but the fruit wasn't good & the eggs I didn't cook them to my liking so I didn't eat them, but all in all I'm surviving & not hungry. I did cheat and on my lunch today I stopped to get gas & went and got a small bag of combos, and honestly I cannot give you an honest reason as to why I got them. I didn't crave them or anything like that.
So my weekend was so busy.. Friday night the Twins when to an Indians game with their dad, and I had a double header softball game. Saturday the twins had a T-ball game at 10am then we went shopping for birthday gifts & went to pick up Jake from my parents (he spent the night) then got home took a quick shower got everyone ready and headed out to our 1st birthday party stayed for a few hours and then headed to my nieces birthday party. We got home about 9:15pm and the kids hung in the back yard by the fire for a bit and then went to bed. Sunday I cleaned the whole first floor of my house, that took several hours. Did laundry and then by the time that was over it was time for softball which was another double header for me. the twins had a game at 1pm but my husband was too lazy to take them & didn't. I also had to miss my friends engagement party Sunday night because of softball, but I heard she had a good time so that's what matters.
Well, gotta go and try to stay awake. I must get everything done tonight!!! I'm just SO tired after the weekend.
Well until next time........................ Stay thirsty my friends.
So far I've had a Strawberry Shakeology with blueberries and for lunch I had a salad. So far I've used a red container & 3 green containers & an orange. I did bring snacks with me which was a peach & a kiwi and two hard boiled eggs, but the fruit wasn't good & the eggs I didn't cook them to my liking so I didn't eat them, but all in all I'm surviving & not hungry. I did cheat and on my lunch today I stopped to get gas & went and got a small bag of combos, and honestly I cannot give you an honest reason as to why I got them. I didn't crave them or anything like that.
So my weekend was so busy.. Friday night the Twins when to an Indians game with their dad, and I had a double header softball game. Saturday the twins had a T-ball game at 10am then we went shopping for birthday gifts & went to pick up Jake from my parents (he spent the night) then got home took a quick shower got everyone ready and headed out to our 1st birthday party stayed for a few hours and then headed to my nieces birthday party. We got home about 9:15pm and the kids hung in the back yard by the fire for a bit and then went to bed. Sunday I cleaned the whole first floor of my house, that took several hours. Did laundry and then by the time that was over it was time for softball which was another double header for me. the twins had a game at 1pm but my husband was too lazy to take them & didn't. I also had to miss my friends engagement party Sunday night because of softball, but I heard she had a good time so that's what matters.
Well, gotta go and try to stay awake. I must get everything done tonight!!! I'm just SO tired after the weekend.
Well until next time........................ Stay thirsty my friends.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Mind will not shut off!
Day 4: Round 2: Let me start off with I didn't gain or lose today the scare read the same as yesterday 249.2. I didn't get done running around and building storage cases until 9:45 last night so I didn't get my workout in. I was going to do my Lower Body Fix which I'll do tonight along with the 10 min Abs. I've eaten great so far with no cheating (Wahoo, go me). I had a shakeology for breakfast and an apple for snack and a small salad (3 green containers with spinach, romaine, peppers, onions & cucumbers) for lunch and I just snacked on Roasted red pepper hummus with crackers. So I'm feeling pretty satisfied if not a bit full right now.
Now for my mind. I have lots going on and I cannot get my mind to shut down for a second and give me a chance to just not think of anything. I've been having bad/crazy dreams this week probably because I've got so much on my mind. I have some major decisions to make and I have to gain some respect for myself and stand up for my self for once & for those that know me, know it's not easy to do. It takes allot from me to just confront someone and then sometimes I chicken out of everything I wanna say & do not get it all out & then fall right back into the pit. I do wish I had the guts to speak my mind. I just have allot to get off my chest that's been bottled up for a few years and it's not healthy for me nor my kids. I just need to know my options first.
Well, tonight I have to finish building our pantry cabinet (I got an extra one cuz our pantry is too small) then it's workout time and we'll see what type of energy I have it may be clean up time. this weekend I'm going to go thru and clean house & I mean top to bottom go thru closets and storage and throw things away we don't use or need anymore. No more clutter, I'm sick and tired of it. Maybe see what we have in the end & have a sale.
Well that's it my folks................ until next time...
Now for my mind. I have lots going on and I cannot get my mind to shut down for a second and give me a chance to just not think of anything. I've been having bad/crazy dreams this week probably because I've got so much on my mind. I have some major decisions to make and I have to gain some respect for myself and stand up for my self for once & for those that know me, know it's not easy to do. It takes allot from me to just confront someone and then sometimes I chicken out of everything I wanna say & do not get it all out & then fall right back into the pit. I do wish I had the guts to speak my mind. I just have allot to get off my chest that's been bottled up for a few years and it's not healthy for me nor my kids. I just need to know my options first.
Well, tonight I have to finish building our pantry cabinet (I got an extra one cuz our pantry is too small) then it's workout time and we'll see what type of energy I have it may be clean up time. this weekend I'm going to go thru and clean house & I mean top to bottom go thru closets and storage and throw things away we don't use or need anymore. No more clutter, I'm sick and tired of it. Maybe see what we have in the end & have a sale.
Well that's it my folks................ until next time...
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Hump Day - D3, R2
Hello all! I am feeling pretty good right now. I have stuck to the Fix so far (yeah, yeah it's only been 3 days) and my body feels pretty good. I finally got my measurements (check my measurement tab) and took my before after photos (I will not post those until I'm finished). The scale was reading at 249.3 (.3 oz lost, LOL). I have to say that I am also proud of myself that I got my Upper body Fix in last night after the trio went to bed. I had some running around to do last night since T-ball was canceled and then put together a storage bench (not an easy task with three little one trying to help & making sure they don't lose any pieces) then I was feeling some sort of lazy and really didn't feel like using it & was going to say hey at least I put the bench together, that should count, right? Well NO & I felt much better afterwards.
Tonight the twins have karate then dinner at my parents (at least the kids, unless mom cooks something healthy & 21 Day approved) then I might eat there, or I'll wait till I get home and make my Avocado Chicken Salad, I'm actually going to make it no matter if it's for dinner tonight or lunch tomorrow. I have became a huge avocado freak recently, I went from never eating it to wanting it on everything, LOL! My lunch today was left over Tuna salad from yesterday and snack I had roasted red pepper humus on a slice of whole wheat toast & almonds & peach. I have an apple for later to hold me over if I have to wait to get home to eat. Tonight, I will be putting another cabinet or two together and then doing Lower Body Fix.
That is basically all for now cutting time close, until next time.........
Tonight the twins have karate then dinner at my parents (at least the kids, unless mom cooks something healthy & 21 Day approved) then I might eat there, or I'll wait till I get home and make my Avocado Chicken Salad, I'm actually going to make it no matter if it's for dinner tonight or lunch tomorrow. I have became a huge avocado freak recently, I went from never eating it to wanting it on everything, LOL! My lunch today was left over Tuna salad from yesterday and snack I had roasted red pepper humus on a slice of whole wheat toast & almonds & peach. I have an apple for later to hold me over if I have to wait to get home to eat. Tonight, I will be putting another cabinet or two together and then doing Lower Body Fix.
That is basically all for now cutting time close, until next time.........
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Day 2, Round 2
Well, yesterday went great! I didn't cheat and got my workout in. I finished Total Body Cardio Fix and I'll let you know my upper abs and hamstrings are feeling it today, but not horribly just when I stretch. Got on the scale this morning and I am at 249.3 (253.0 7/7/14) 3.7 lbs gone. I think allot has to do with my monthly visitor coming today (Yeah).
I was feeling pretty good today, except for being nauseous. I felt the same way yesterday, but around lunch I took a pill for vertigo and it's a ton better now. I was to the point where anything made me wanna puke. For lunch I had Tuna salad (Solid White Tuna, plain Greek yogurt, celery, egg, salt & pepper & some pickle juice) on one slice of toast. It was actually not bad & I think I'm going to start making my tuna like this from now on. Couldn't even taste the yogurt the tuna/celery over powered it.
It is now 3:46pm and about 2:55 I hit the 3 o'clock slump & I hit it HARD! I ate an hard boiled egg & the rest of my almonds and it didn't work so I broke down and just now went & got a cup of coffee. I just seriously wish that caffeine worked on me. OH well, I'm awake now though.
Tonight my workout of choice will be Upper Body Fix after the twins T-ball game (if it doesn't get cancelled). It was pouring "cats & dogs" earlier, but the good ole sun in shinning now.
OH and I bought some shirts from Kohl's in a 2X size & I am proud to say that they are hanging on me, but sad b/c I already ripped the tags off of them. Two of them are sleeveless so I'm hoping those are to big (don't want people seeing my bra).
I have to say I broke down yesterday & took it out on my DH (dear Husband) and the kids & I feel so bad about it. What happened is my OCD of cleaning has been kicking in to much lately and my kids/DH/dogs are making the house worse and worse. It's so hard for me to come home from work to not even being able to see the floor & I'm the only one that cares. I came home yesterday to my husband on the couch and the place worse than a mess, dinner wasn't made (but I did tell him I would make it, but only cuz he was suppose to be grass cutting, which never got done) the house was a mess meaning books, papers, toys torn up and in pieces everywhere. Then the towels I washed all over the dog hair infested floors and dirty clothes everywhere. I am SO sick of my house being so gross & almost unlivable for me. I was so close to leaving yesterday. I really don't understand why this gross, disgusting mess doesn't even phase or bother my DH. No wonder why my kids are so messy they take after him. Plus I'm the only one that can discipline the kids meaning he will say one thing and do the other and I'm the one left yelling at the kids (bad mom). My kids are going to hate me in a few years (OK tearing up as I type this). It's so beyond frustrating and I am so lost and have no idea on what to do about it. I have absolutely no help. He claims he works two jobs (one that is like me sitting behind a desk for 8 hours & cutting peoples grass), well I am constantly working double time 24/7. I would love to come home from my desk job and go out and cut grass (to avoid the craziness at home) but that's not how it works, we are parents and we need to parents together. It's also very annoying that he's the only one allowed to be sick or tired (I'm never allowed). I'm not allowed to go hide in my room from the time I get home till morning time. It almost gets me to thinking why did you want kids if you want nothing to do with them? I know he loves them, but he doesn't understand what a true parent means or how to be one. It's hard, very hard & very emotionally draining. I'm officially the worst mother in the world & I hate myself for it. No, I don't want any sympathy, I'm just telling you like it is. I'm TIRED... Any advice on how to fix things is welcomed though. Last night I officially placed it in God's hands to guide me.
Anyways, to move on to better things. Sorry about above, but I had to vent & get it out somewhere so figured my personal blog. Here is a picture of me yesterday after completing the Total Cardio.
Until next time..............
I was feeling pretty good today, except for being nauseous. I felt the same way yesterday, but around lunch I took a pill for vertigo and it's a ton better now. I was to the point where anything made me wanna puke. For lunch I had Tuna salad (Solid White Tuna, plain Greek yogurt, celery, egg, salt & pepper & some pickle juice) on one slice of toast. It was actually not bad & I think I'm going to start making my tuna like this from now on. Couldn't even taste the yogurt the tuna/celery over powered it.
It is now 3:46pm and about 2:55 I hit the 3 o'clock slump & I hit it HARD! I ate an hard boiled egg & the rest of my almonds and it didn't work so I broke down and just now went & got a cup of coffee. I just seriously wish that caffeine worked on me. OH well, I'm awake now though.
Tonight my workout of choice will be Upper Body Fix after the twins T-ball game (if it doesn't get cancelled). It was pouring "cats & dogs" earlier, but the good ole sun in shinning now.
OH and I bought some shirts from Kohl's in a 2X size & I am proud to say that they are hanging on me, but sad b/c I already ripped the tags off of them. Two of them are sleeveless so I'm hoping those are to big (don't want people seeing my bra).
I have to say I broke down yesterday & took it out on my DH (dear Husband) and the kids & I feel so bad about it. What happened is my OCD of cleaning has been kicking in to much lately and my kids/DH/dogs are making the house worse and worse. It's so hard for me to come home from work to not even being able to see the floor & I'm the only one that cares. I came home yesterday to my husband on the couch and the place worse than a mess, dinner wasn't made (but I did tell him I would make it, but only cuz he was suppose to be grass cutting, which never got done) the house was a mess meaning books, papers, toys torn up and in pieces everywhere. Then the towels I washed all over the dog hair infested floors and dirty clothes everywhere. I am SO sick of my house being so gross & almost unlivable for me. I was so close to leaving yesterday. I really don't understand why this gross, disgusting mess doesn't even phase or bother my DH. No wonder why my kids are so messy they take after him. Plus I'm the only one that can discipline the kids meaning he will say one thing and do the other and I'm the one left yelling at the kids (bad mom). My kids are going to hate me in a few years (OK tearing up as I type this). It's so beyond frustrating and I am so lost and have no idea on what to do about it. I have absolutely no help. He claims he works two jobs (one that is like me sitting behind a desk for 8 hours & cutting peoples grass), well I am constantly working double time 24/7. I would love to come home from my desk job and go out and cut grass (to avoid the craziness at home) but that's not how it works, we are parents and we need to parents together. It's also very annoying that he's the only one allowed to be sick or tired (I'm never allowed). I'm not allowed to go hide in my room from the time I get home till morning time. It almost gets me to thinking why did you want kids if you want nothing to do with them? I know he loves them, but he doesn't understand what a true parent means or how to be one. It's hard, very hard & very emotionally draining. I'm officially the worst mother in the world & I hate myself for it. No, I don't want any sympathy, I'm just telling you like it is. I'm TIRED... Any advice on how to fix things is welcomed though. Last night I officially placed it in God's hands to guide me.
Anyways, to move on to better things. Sorry about above, but I had to vent & get it out somewhere so figured my personal blog. Here is a picture of me yesterday after completing the Total Cardio.
Until next time..............
Monday, July 7, 2014
Day 1 of round 2 of the 21 Day fix
Today is the day, the day to flush out all those poisons I put into my body all weekend (beer, processed foods). It is 3:15pm and I have done awesome so far. I just am not feeling to good today. I think it's a combination of my monthly friend visiting any day (TMI, I know but it comes with the territory) and all the beer and nasty foods I ate since Wednesday night. Well this time I am ready and I will take the bull by the horns and kick some ass these next 3 weeks. I WILL not cheat & I will succeed. This is only 3 weeks and anyone can do this in 3 weeks.
I am so excited to get home & eat a healthy meal then get my workout in. My new tennis shoes came in the mail and I cannot wait to wear them. I order Asics running, the first time my brother convinced me to get them I loved them after that. They feel so weightless which is great if you are a runner. They can run a bit on the expensive side but I personally think they are worth the investment.
OH, on another note, I had a very disturbing dream last night that involved my kids but mostly my daughter and it wasn't good. I keep thinking back to it & it really scares me. I need to get it out of my mind. I literally checked on her this morning before I left to make sure all was great. I want to run home after work and hug her and cuddle. I've never had anything this bad about my kids and I don't want to ever again. Sorry, I had to get this out because it is brothering me and I just don't feel like posting it on FB where some people I know can beidiots about it (they probably know who they are)
Ok, back the Fix. My current weight this morning was 253 ( I will do measurements tonight before I work out). Yes, after this weekend I have put weight on, but I know most of it is water (PMS & bloating) so that'll go away once it shows up (Aunt flow).
I really wish I had more of an ability to convince people to try out Beachbody (it's 100% money back guarantee if you don't like it). I cannot get anyone to commit and it is a bit of a downer. I want people to get healthy, I want to help people feel better. I just suck at convincing someone (especially when it's a bit costly, but well worth it).
However, gotta get back to work. Until next time.........................
I am so excited to get home & eat a healthy meal then get my workout in. My new tennis shoes came in the mail and I cannot wait to wear them. I order Asics running, the first time my brother convinced me to get them I loved them after that. They feel so weightless which is great if you are a runner. They can run a bit on the expensive side but I personally think they are worth the investment.
OH, on another note, I had a very disturbing dream last night that involved my kids but mostly my daughter and it wasn't good. I keep thinking back to it & it really scares me. I need to get it out of my mind. I literally checked on her this morning before I left to make sure all was great. I want to run home after work and hug her and cuddle. I've never had anything this bad about my kids and I don't want to ever again. Sorry, I had to get this out because it is brothering me and I just don't feel like posting it on FB where some people I know can be
Ok, back the Fix. My current weight this morning was 253 ( I will do measurements tonight before I work out). Yes, after this weekend I have put weight on, but I know most of it is water (PMS & bloating) so that'll go away once it shows up (Aunt flow).
I really wish I had more of an ability to convince people to try out Beachbody (it's 100% money back guarantee if you don't like it). I cannot get anyone to commit and it is a bit of a downer. I want people to get healthy, I want to help people feel better. I just suck at convincing someone (especially when it's a bit costly, but well worth it).
However, gotta get back to work. Until next time.........................
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
So Emotional
OMG, I am on an emotional roller coaster! These past few days I cry at everything (no I'm not pregnant). I just cannot fight back the tears. I'm a hormonal MESS.
So, my knee appointment has GREAT new & bad news... The great news is no surgery or PT again. The bad news is this is something I'll have to live with (see tearing up now). I have wear & tear under my knee cap that's causing the pain. They stopped doing arthroscopic surgery for this. He said I have to strengthen my quad muscles and of course loss weight (basically said I AM FAT, or at least that's what I heard). Both those combined will help bring the pain down, but it will not go away completely, there will be lots of activities that will flare it up. I knew one day all these sports I played will come back to haunt me (so being active growing up can be a bad thing, don't worry I'm not going to stop my kids from this). I walked back to my car and cried, cried because I'm FAT & because this is a pain I have to live with and sometimes it really is unbearable. I cannot even play with my kids like I want because they hurt to chase, bend, get on the ground or move in fast movements. That is my number one reason to want this to go away & then for the pain of course. I can still work out and play softball, but I cannot do lunges/squats under the pain is better then I can slowly start adding them in again. I have had enough dealing with pain growing up between two back surgeries (hurting my back is the worst pain I ever had though) and the dealing with the occasional sharp pains from that since I was 17 and now this. I AM FINISHED WITH PAIN. Like everyone wishes when it comes to weight loss, cancer, Parkinson's, pain & every other illness out there that there is a Magical pill that takes away it all. I hope one day there is a medical breakthrough for this, but for now it just sucks.
So basically I'm feeling very depressed and down lately and just confused with everything in my life right now. Maybe this is all happening because of the lovely PMS taking place, who knows.
This is all for now.... I'm to emotional to think of anything else and because I'm at work I don't wanna tear up anymore.
Until next time....................take care!
So, my knee appointment has GREAT new & bad news... The great news is no surgery or PT again. The bad news is this is something I'll have to live with (see tearing up now). I have wear & tear under my knee cap that's causing the pain. They stopped doing arthroscopic surgery for this. He said I have to strengthen my quad muscles and of course loss weight (basically said I AM FAT, or at least that's what I heard). Both those combined will help bring the pain down, but it will not go away completely, there will be lots of activities that will flare it up. I knew one day all these sports I played will come back to haunt me (so being active growing up can be a bad thing, don't worry I'm not going to stop my kids from this). I walked back to my car and cried, cried because I'm FAT & because this is a pain I have to live with and sometimes it really is unbearable. I cannot even play with my kids like I want because they hurt to chase, bend, get on the ground or move in fast movements. That is my number one reason to want this to go away & then for the pain of course. I can still work out and play softball, but I cannot do lunges/squats under the pain is better then I can slowly start adding them in again. I have had enough dealing with pain growing up between two back surgeries (hurting my back is the worst pain I ever had though) and the dealing with the occasional sharp pains from that since I was 17 and now this. I AM FINISHED WITH PAIN. Like everyone wishes when it comes to weight loss, cancer, Parkinson's, pain & every other illness out there that there is a Magical pill that takes away it all. I hope one day there is a medical breakthrough for this, but for now it just sucks.
So basically I'm feeling very depressed and down lately and just confused with everything in my life right now. Maybe this is all happening because of the lovely PMS taking place, who knows.
This is all for now.... I'm to emotional to think of anything else and because I'm at work I don't wanna tear up anymore.
Until next time....................take care!
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