So did great with my treadmill workouts until last week and BAMN, I stopped and now I wanna beat myself up over it, ugh. What is wrong with me why can't I just keep going with this and why can't I stick to my diet? My life at the moment is crazy bust with my two co-ed softball teams started and the kids T-Ball and Addisyn's dance recital coming up it has been a whirlwind. Because of this my diet has suffered and my workout. I grab whatever is quick and easy for everyone. Sometimes I'm not even hungry but then I eat so I don't get hungry later on. Sometimes I eat tiny bits of bad processed foods. Yes, I know and fully aware of what I'm putting in my mouth and how unhealthy or whatever it is, but at that moment I don't care, but I do care, if that makes sense. So now I'm paying for it because softball season has begun and I'm no where near where I wanted to be and Summer is a month away and it is already short season and I again am no where near that. I am actually dreading Summer season and shorts/tank tops and bathing suits. This is the 6th Summer (minus 2 I was pregnant) and I am not where my goal was. I have noone to blame again but myself and my lazy self. I am depressed that Summer is almost here.
So because of how busy I am with everything I totally feel stressed right now and with things going on in my life I am depressed and personally just want to hide in my house. There are to many times that I feel alone and I feel there is noone to talk to. Even in my own home I have noone that wants to listen or cares what I have to say. There is and never was decent conversations that took place at home with the one I love. I have tried to justify the reasoning and that he is just like his father, but he talks to strangers and such and can hold an interesting conversation with others. Sometimes I ask myself why did I not think about this years ago, why did I push it to the side. Our conversations are one sided and it's me talking and a one word answer. So basically it sucks that I have noone to have a heart to heart with besides my blog. OH well what can you do, just continue keeping it inside and taking it out on everyone else, right??? UGH. I am just frustrated so much over allot of stuff going on or not going on and more poor kids pay the price with a bitchy mom and that kills me even more.
So my boss is out of town for the week so this is my first time alone doing all the payroll stuff and I have to say at times it has gotten overwhelming, but I have to prove I can do this. I'm glad the week is almost over, but not looking forward to a busy weekend.. again. I have just been running nonstop for the last 3 weeks. I literally have no down time and I think it's catching up to me. I am coming down with yet another cold & I am worn out.
On another note today is weigh in day with W.W. and I haven't stepped on a scale in 2 weeks at the last weigh in I was at. I missed last week because I took off of work and I didn't care because I am afraid to see the damage done. I personally don't even care if I see it today either. Not happy with myself.
Well until next time... enjoy.
