Stress Needs to Go!

I'm having a very hard time getting rid of all this built up stress, which is not helping with my weightloss one bit.  I'm not sure what needs to be done to get rid of it, but I know it'll take time and probably one thing at a time.  I know the number one thing is money ($$$) we are getting so far in debt because we have ran out of our savings, which is very scary.  We had a major expense hit us this weekend our furnance broke and it wasn't cheap to fix.  It's just one thing after another lately and I'm losing it.  I have never been faced with more bad luck then I have lately.  I'm so scared, confused and hoping we don't loose our house or anything major.  I need a job after all the resumes I've sent out something has to give.  I think I'm very close to have a nervous break down. Then other major things in my marriage and that are a complete struggle and I feel like I have absolutely no one there for me.  

Ok, I had to get that out.  I had to tell or write it down somewhere even if no one reads it, I at least got it out.  

Now for my fitness.  I took another week off last week, but I ate really good.  I went back to the gym today and feel great.  I've eaten good today (except for I baked cookies for my family and had a couple) but after dinner I'm going to get another quick round of cardio in and go for a run on the treadmill for either 20-30 mins (also relive stress).  I'm going to try to not take another week off unless my knee acts up again and I have no choice but to.  My weight may not be taking a huge nose dive like I'd like it to, but I can definitely tell in my measurements that I'm shaping up.  

Sunday at my parents house we were looking thru some old movies and came across one of me playing basketball for all the basketball teams reuinon.  It was probably about 9 years ago and I was very active back then and lost lots of weight then.  I couldn't believe how in shape I was and so skinny. I looked DAMN good.  Then I was a fitness freak and workout all the time and barely ever skipped a day, but then again I wasn't married and didn't have kids so I didn't have any obligations except work. I was able to concentrate on me.  

Alright, time to start dinner for the family.  We are having spaghetti tonight with garlic bread.  

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.  

Until next time............

Lots on my mind lately!

First off I want to say my 30 day challange is going great this week & my muscles are surely feeling it.  Along with my regular gym 2 hour workout I've been adding in 30 mins on my treadmill walking with an incline 4mph (reason I havee shin splints).  I have watched what I ate majorly (kinda did a little bad today) and I can certainly feel it.  I feel great.  

So on to another subject that I need to get off my chest cuz it's running thru my mind like wild fire.  I desperately need a job & I'm not just saying this, we really need me to start brining money in.  We are literaly broke.  I have applied to numerous, numerous jobs with maybe 3 replies.  I do not understand what I'm doing wrong.  This in itself is very stressful.  Another is my life at home, it truly sucks.  Don't ever get me wrong I absolutely LOVE my trio & wouldn't change them for anything, this has nothing to do with them.  Yes, they are a handful and sometimes I stop & wonder how can I keep going, but I do & just for them.  

I may & do bottle up a lot of my emotions on how I truly feel about things.  Allot of people (especially my family) just don't understand how truly they hurt me with things they say (I feel the tears coming on but hold them back) then yes I get defensive to stop from crying & may say things that are not what I want to say, but they help me forget.  I am someone that holds on to things people say that are hurtful for awhile & constantly replay the scene over & over again.  I truly am a very emotional person, I have just built up a wall to try to protect myself.  Well once I get a chance & I'm alone yes I cry & cry.  One thing I wish I always had but never did was confidence in myself & to be able to speak & stand up for myself when I need to.  

Well I pray to God every day to guide me to show me the way, to point me in the right direction.  I have finally put my hands up & am leaving it all in Gods hands to help me.  I've done what I can.  

Until next time........

30 Day Challange

Well what can I say except for I was very lazy the last 1 1/2 weeks and last week is one of the biggest weeks I needed to have a great week (Thanksgiving).  It all started last Monday my knee acted up & I couldn't walk to well, so I couldn't workout the first two days.  Then it just fell down hill from there & my eating habits this past weekend were absolutely HORRIBLE.  So Starting Monday 12/2/13 I am doing a 30 day challange of my own.  My goal is to lose 20lbs by the New Year.  

Monday I didn't go to the gym, but ran on the treadmill at 5mph for 30 mins & completed 1 min planks x2, 100 crunches, 1 min 6" x2.  Today I went to the gym and did 50 mins on the elliptical and 45 mins of upper body training.  Then after dinner I briskly walked at 4mph at an incline for 30 mins & planks. 

I'm going to eat very, very healthy too.  I have my meal replacement protien shake in the morning & then veggies & fruit for lunch & a healthy dinner.  I snack on almonds after the gym.  I was really good today cuz I make peanut butter & oatmeal raisin cookies for my kids & I had two oatmeal cookies.  I am despretely going to try to stick to this.  I need to feel good about myself & do something for myself for once.  

Things around here have been a struggle with money, finding a job, Trying to stay sane, my marriage.  As much as I love my husband he doesn't help me around the house with the kids at all and it makes things so hard and stressful on my part.  I just wish he's wake up and become a better father/husband.  I mean is it so hard to tell your wife she's beautiful or to thank her for what she does for the family or even offer her a night off to go do something (without him calling consistanly wondering when I'm coming home).  I have been thinking about marriage counciling before I take any further steps, but I'm so scared to do anything.  I need guidence, someone to guide me to the right thing.  I can't do this anymore and the reason I'm telling you this is because I know it is not helping with my health or weightloss.  I'm currently on two depression meds & now a sleeping pill because the stress is messing with my sleep.    

Ok, enough of that, I'm going to go finish watching my show NCIS & then Full Throttle.  Until next time........