Decisions

I am trying to figure out what is the best way to start today's post.  I couldn't even come up with a title for it.  Well see where my mind takes me as I start typing.

I have been doing lots of thinking and I have a major decision to make in the next week or so, it is a decision that will change my life and for the better, but it is going against my dignity and my way of thinking, but if seems like the easiest thing for me to do right not because I am desperate.  I have an appointment on Thursday 3/31 @ 12:45 with a gastric bypass surgeon to go over my options.   Yes, my husband has talked me into it or at least going to see the doctor about it.  I have tried so much over the years and I have spent so much money on weight loss pills, foods, programs that I am frustrated and waving the white flag.  I will go on these diets and loose some but then gain it all right back.  I have not been able to get under 250 lbs in probably 6 years.  Yes, I do understand this is a life changing event and that I DO have to change my eating habits just as I would if I just continues dieting and I do not that you can gain it all back just as quick.  It would be a  jump start and then I could continue going to the gym and change my whole eating routine and I would have a more positive approach to it because I will be already losing lots of weight.  As of right now I have over 100 lbs that I need to lose.  Yes I am embarrassed about this, but only because I really wanted to be able to say "look at me, I busted my ass at the gym and diet" and I look great, but if I do go this route then I won't be able to say that, I would be able to say I am more active and busting my ass at the gym to maintain and help work the weight off.  I more then likely will not go around telling everyone what I'm doing because I am ashamed of myself, but I know lots of people will be asking "How I did it" and I will have to tell them instead of lying. Shoot we don't even know if I will qualify even though I am 100+ overweight.

Ok, before I called and made this decision I downloaded and started reading the book How to Lose 100 Pounds and I have to say it is a very motivation book.  Monday morning I got up feeling great and ready to start this (Sunday night I found out Softball starts April 24th, ) I weighed in at a whopping 297.4 and I started the day with a positive attitude and ate healthy and went to the gym and did the treadmill for 60 mins burning 623 calories and going 3.73 miles and I felt awesome.  Woke up Tuesday morning weighing 292.4 (5 lbs of water weight lost) that was awesome I must be doing something right.  then I got the call right after lunch and I was going to continue doing what I was doing but DH told me I should stop going to the gym because if I have the surgery, I have to prove to them I can lose 10 lbs and if I'm going strong now I might have a tough time losing the 10 lbs depending on where I'm at.  So I followed his advice and skipped the gym until next Thursday and honestly it's killing me.  I got up this morning weighing in at 296.7.  Ugh, I don't know what to do.  

Now there is the extra skin I'm so worried about after all this weight loss (surgery or not) will I be able to have surgery to have it removed, will insurance cover it?  I'm so worried about the skin issue in my abs, arms and legs.  I KNOW it will happen, I just know.  Would I be able to hide it? Ever wear tank tops again or be stuck in non-sleeveless the rest of my life, I'm aware of the benefits of losing the weight far out weigh my flapping skin, but it is worrying.  

Another note, I finally broke down and called a foot doctor and I have an appointment this Friday at 3pm.  I'm pretty sure most if it is weight related, but we'll see.  My left foot I have been dealing with stabbing pain in my heel mostly after sitting for awhile, but sometimes the pain will just shoot through when I'm laying there.  This has been going on for longer then I can remember, just getting worse.  My right foot I injured about 2 years (it was so bad that when I woke up I couldn't walk or anything I sore I broke it) but the ER said no break and just put a shoe on it and sent me on my way.  Well ever since then my shoes do not fit right and I have to now buy wide shoes just to fit my right foot.  Recently any shoes that I wear hurt and are tight on that foot (like it's swelling) and then pain, I have pain in my feet mostly my right after walking or running when only when I wear tennis shoes.  So I am going to have it checked out.  

That's about it my friends, I will updated after my appointments and hopefully we'll have answers for everything.  

Until next time.....................

Jennie