Where do I need to start? I really, truly don't know what, where, when to start. I will say it is April and the weather if finally getting better so less days are spent being locked up inside, and the fresh air feels AWESOME! I have been trying to get the trio out more and more and as often as I can. I am so looking forward to Summer, but again, who isn't?
Yesterday was Easter and this week my trio is on Spring break. I have to say it was a nice day yesterday, I took the kids to my parents and they had a blast with their cousins and the weather was perfect.
So allot has happened since I last wrote, but not much worth writing about. Last Monday 3/30/15 I added my day care cost back into my gym membership and I am proud to say that I took the kids up there after work and did the same on Tuesday and it felt GREAT. Then of all things that seem to always happen as soon as I join a gym, I got sick. Tuesday I started getting that scratchy, sore throat feeling and couldn't stop sneezing, OMG the sneezing. I started popping Zicam right away, but it did work, I got sick. I have this horrible chest cold and with my asthma having issues breathing especially when I do something that requires heavier breathing (like the treadmill). So I took the rest of the week off and that upset me. On Thursday my new workout shoes (these are the exact ones I got) have arrived and I was so, so excited and cannot wait to break them in at the gym, but sadly haven't been able too. I'm still coughing but I am going to suck it up tonight and take the trio to the gym with me after work and what makes it better is since they are on Spring break this mom got to start work early so I get off work at 4 pm today. My current routine for now is 30 mins on the Elliptical and then 25 mins on the treadmill and then I alternate leg and arm days on the weights, probably about 45 mins on those. I have to admit I love, LOVE working out my legs, so leg days are Mon, Wed & Fri and then arms on Tues & Thurs (I despise working out my arms).
Now on to my total roller coaster ride. As in my previous posts my DH had his Gastric Bypass (Bariatric surgery) on Tuesday 3/31/15 and he was home on Thursday and he's doing well! I truly don't know why I am so pissed, jealous, annoyed, frustrated, depressed about the whole thing. I don't know what I am honestly feeling except for hatred or something. Here is an overview of what is going on in my head. I'm pissed because here I am struggling for 5 years with my weight and I have tried everything from pills, diets, and hard core working out 5 days a week and I have had No, nadda, nothing with success. I actually gained another 30 lbs in the last three months last year. I am pissed at how he hasn't even tried the gym in the 12 years I've known him he went with me for about 2 weeks before he quite. So basically he didn't have to struggle or let me say work hard to try to get healthy. Instead he walks into a clinic and all of sudden he had surgery. Whatever happened to having to spend 3 - 6 months on a diet plan to prove that you can change your eating habits before even being considered for surgery?!?!?! UGH, the anger I feel towards him (or the situation) is beyond words. How is it fair? How is any of this fair, why am I left actually working hard to go no where? Why do I constantly keep doing this to myself? I don't know, I don' t have any answer, I'm confused. Why won't the doctor prescribe me a "magic" pill to help get me moving again. Why, can't I have the energy I use to have? Why, Why? Why won't my DH let me go to the gym and not have make me have this GUILT because he's home alone with the kids, and he's texting me every 15 minutes asking when am I coming home because the kids aren't going to bed? I feel like I don't even care to hear about his results and I just don't care about how much he's lost or what medication you can stop taking. I DON'T CARE!! I'm so pissed because he is getting the easy way out and doesn't have to work at the struggles like we do. I just cry anytime I even look at him, I cry from frustration, anger. I don't know why I feel so resentful and hateful, I don't know why I feel so depressed over this. This first weekend was a game changer and in all honesty it SUCKED. It was so boring and I HATED every minute being home. He can't do anything, can't eat, can't drink for about 2 months (well no sh*t you're going to lose weight, I can do that without the surgery and lose the same amount of weight). We just sat at home and went out walking every 2-3 hours (what a damn BORE). I mean we can't go out to lunch or enjoy a beer or two all because he didn't want to "Work" at his weight loss.
I know, I do want to work at this goal because if I have to struggle or work hard at obtaining it then I will be more grateful for achieving it. There are so many other feelings going on since his surgery, but I just don't want to get into it. I truly hope that this is something that will just go away and go away FAST. I'm hating it and this.
Well, I have to get going it's almost GYM time. So Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get my anger out somewhere.
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